


You, Me, And The Craving In Between

by spymaster



Series: Try it out [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/F, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love/Hate, gardener!Kara, married!Lena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-29 20:50:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 45,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13935132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spymaster/pseuds/spymaster
Summary: Kara gulped as the thought came to her mind when she was standing next to Lena’s bed, gazing down at the sleeping woman. An urge of wrapping her arms around Lena rose again in Kara, which she knew was wrong, but she didn’t move. She knew better.So she left the room, left the sleeping woman curling up in the expensive coat.Left the sinful temptation behind.The temptation didn’t leave her.Or the fic where Lena cheated on her husband with Kara and they met seven years later.





	1. Until Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very sensitive subject but I decided to give it a shot.
> 
> All the mistakes are mine and unbeta-ed.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After seven years, Kara met Lena again. Old feelings resurfaced but were they actually old?
> 
> Kara's POV

It wasn’t expected.

 

It wasn’t expected  _ at all _ .

 

When Kara saw them in the restaurant, her heart stopped beating for a full minute. It was probably an exaggeration but it felt like forever when she laid her eyes on table number 16, where a man, a woman, and a child were sitting at. The man was wearing a suit, an expensive one, of course, with his perfectly trimmed beard, wiping off something on the boy’s mouth with a smile. A common gesture of a father. Jack and his son.

 

The woman, however, caught Kara’s eyes more strongly than the other two. Kara gulped harshly as she took in the perfect hair bun, full lips painted in blazing red and the pair of smoldering green eyes that had been haunting her for years.

 

_ Lena… _

 

The name in thought alone brought shivers to Kara’s knees. How the heck could the woman still apply such power over her after all these years? She shouldn’t feel like this, especially to a person who had hurt her beyond imagination, trampled all of the things they had just so she could be the perfect wife, the perfect image, the perfect example.

 

Kara had been chewed and spat out like a piece of used gum like that.

 

_ Look at her, smiling and laughing. Happy. She hurts others so she can be happy. _

 

She turned away and snatched the order from the board, shouting names at the cooks. Kara had a kitchen to run.

 

Kara had a life.

 

A life that didn’t involve Lena.

 

And she was happy with it.

  
  
  
  


______________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Kara’s eyes lingered at table 16 again before leaving to order extra cheese. Lena was laughing about something when she spoke to the child. She cursed herself for letting that sound into her ears and now she couldn’t move.

 

The laugh still sounded exactly like how it did seven years ago. When she first heard it, she had thought she mistook it. She had been so young and naive, she was curious, too.

 

Seven years ago, Kara had come to help out her friend, James with his part-time job at a giant mansion that belonged to one of the richest men in National City. Jack Sphree was a powerful businessman, he didn’t exactly have time to take care of the large garden surrounding his mansion so of course, he had others doing it.

 

Kara needed money to get into college again so she couldn’t turn down such opportunity when James mentioned it. Even though it had only been a part-time job, she was well paid for a high school graduated with no solid day job.

 

Her work was simple: cutting and trimming the roses. Roses were the main residents in the garden and Kara happened to love roses. The place had all kinds of roses, with many colors and sizes. It was work, indeed, but Kara also felt privileged to be able to admire such beauty.

 

That beauty included the wife of the mister as well.

 

The first time Kara saw Mrs. Spheer, her heart stopped. Then it raced to a crazy beat that she had thought she was about to have a heart attack.

 

_ “Gorgeous…” _

 

She had mumbled out loud like that, resulted in James poking her side with her elbow and warning her that the woman was Mr. Spheer’s wife and should be left alone. Kara hadn’t understood the warning then but now, after the bitterness she received after getting involved with something she shouldn’t have, Kara knew it in and out.

 

She shook her head and put on her jacket, going through the back door to go outside. It was enough to see Lena in her restaurant after seven years of nothing, seven years of the heartbreaking night where Kara had learned her true value in the eyes of a skillful and cunning woman.

 

Her heart might still recall the overwhelming sensation when she first saw Lena, but Kara also remembered how painful it had been in the last time she saw the woman.

  
  
  
  


_______________________________

  
  
  
  
  


It had started out innocently. Like every crime did. A simple question.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


_ “What is a useless present?” _

 

_ Kara looked to the side when she heard the strange voice from the porch. She was trimming the bushes nearby when Mrs. Spheer asked the question. The rich woman’s eyes were still glued at the newspaper, the perfectly shaped eyebrows scrunched a little, indicating deep thinking. _

 

_ “Are you asking me, Mrs. Spheer?” she asked timidly. _

 

_ The lady moved the newspaper to the left and cast her eyes on Kara for the first time since she had worked here. She glanced up and down Kara quickly, making the blonde felt self-conscious about the ragged clothes she was wearing. “No, sorry.” The lady returned to her paper. _

 

_ Feeling dumb for intruding someone who clearly thought of her as something beneath, Kara spun around to continue her job. But the soft voice rang again from behind her. _

 

_ “Do you by any chance have an answer for that?” _

 

_ Kara faced the woman again and shrugged, “Well, something you already have?” _

 

_ The lady smiled and shook her head. If Mrs. Spheer was beautiful before, she looked absolutely stunning with a smile. “Not the answer for this one, apparently. Two words. One with five letters and the other with eight. Any idea?” _

 

_ Kara scratched her head, forgetting that she was wearing a pair of gloves that had cut leaves on them. The shattered green pieces fell on her face and Kara had to shake her head to get rid of them. In the meantime, she tried to come up with something because a part of her wanted to impress the lady outside her trimming skill. “This is a tough one.” _

 

_ “It is. I have been thinking about it since the morning. If I can’t solve this before noon, I might lose sleep.” _

 

_ “Seriously?”Kara chuckled, “You  always take crosswords this seriously, Mrs. Spheer?” _

 

_ The lady smirked with confidence, crossing her legs as she leaned backward. “I do. Why shouldn’t I take a crossword seriously?” _

 

_ “I don’t know...” she shrugged, trying not to let her eyes wander down to the exposed knees right at her eye level and focused on the other woman’s face, “because it’s just a crossword?” _

 

_ Mrs. Spheer didn’t answer immediately, only gave Kara a funny look before tilting her head and said, “I believe everything is a crossword. Every conflict, every obstacle, every hardship is a crossword, waiting to be solved. You might find me losing sleep over a crossword is ridiculous, but I don’t let anything, even just a simple arrangement of letters on the daily newspaper, stand in the way of having a fine morning.” _

 

_ Kara didn’t expect that. The only thing she could do was awkwardly smiling. “Your morning is ruined by an unsolved crossword, Mrs. Spheer?” _

 

_ “Yes,” the older woman answered and picked up her cup to sip, “Ridiculous, isn’t it?” _

 

_ Kara didn’t reply, only gave the Mrs a shy look before trimming the bush again. She normally didn’t care much about crosswords but the unsolved question stayed in her mind the whole day, during lunch, and even when she was about to leave. _

 

_ Then something hit her. A phrase her sister Alex once said about the expensive gifts she received from her previous girlfriends that Alex would never use. _

 

_ Kara jumped off James’ car, running towards the mansion under the light, leaving behind her friend’s shouting for her name. She quickly reached the porch where Mrs. Spheer had sat that morning and found that the lady was not there. Of course, she wasn’t there. Why would she wait for an answer the entire day? _

 

_ But a part of Kara believed that the lady would really lose sleep over such a simple thing. So she ran around to find the kitchen. It was about dinner time, many maids would be here. Perhaps one of them would help Kara deliver the message. _

 

_ It was easy to spot the maid who would bring the lady her dinner. Kara snatched a piece of note from the kitchen and scribbled the suggestion on it, then stuck it next to the plate for Mrs. Spheer. She noticed that it was the portion for one. Mr. Spheer was not home today. _

 

_ She left the note and returned home. _

 

_ She hadn’t known then, she had just registered for something both incredible but also destructive. _

  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


Kara let out a long sigh as she placed the cheese down and yelled for the nearest cook to get it. Then she took off the jacket and walked into the office, avoiding the kitchen. She knew that if she stood in there, her eyes would try to find table 16 again. And she didn’t want that.

 

She didn’t want to relive that night again.

 

If only she had stopped the curiosity at the porch and never tried to reach out to the Mrs again, her life would have changed. Not so much, but probably a little better.

 

There was a lot to be done.

 

“Kara, can you come out here for a moment please?” Siobhan poked her head in and asked.

 

She looked up from the tax report, “What is it for?”

 

“The lady at table 16 wants to see you.”

 

That almost made Kara drop the cup of coffee on one hand. She stood up from the desk, found herself about to stutter, “W-why? She knows who I am?”

 

Siobhan gave her an obvious look, “Of course not. That’s why she wants to meet the person behind the restaurant’s special dish.”

 

Kara knew she shouldn’t see deep into the gesture but the name of the dish had a significant meaning to her that only Lena knew. And Lena wanted to learn more about it. Her feet brought her to the door but she stopped before walking into the restaurant hall. She turned around and called, “Winn, you meet the guest. I’ll take your place.”

 

Said man didn’t question, he immediately dropped the knife, washed his hands and wiped them dry. “What’s about?” he asked, one hand on the door.

 

“Our special,” she shortly provided, putting on the apron. After washing her hands, Kara continued Winn’s part of the job, which was chopping and mincing ingredients. Winn had sharp hands in these things but Kara was said to be an excellent one with knives.

 

_ “Your fingers are more deadly than knives.” _

 

She shut her eyes, trying to force Lena’s alluring voice out of her head. If she let Lena get to her, she would fall back into the tornado again. She couldn’t let that happen. Not ever again.

 

The night went by slower than usual. Kara couldn’t help looking up to check Winn when he returned to the kitchen. A small, very small part in her was waiting to hear that the customer at table 16 was very determined in meeting the creator of the restaurant’s specialty. The disappointment when Winn walked through the door and gave her a thumb up invaded her heart was an alarming sign that no matter what she told herself, she still had something in her heart for Lena.

 

It was embarrassing. She had grown up. She was no longer that young, naive little girl who fell into an older, rich and skillful woman’s arms from seven years ago. She was a mature woman who owned a restaurant, was capable of taking care of herself, not having to rely on anyone. Kara had changed a lot.

 

Or maybe not changed enough. If she was still affected by what Lena did, she had not escaped.

 

By the end of the night, Kara only then walked to the hall and told Siobhan to go home, not having to put the chairs up on the tables. She planned to do it herself.

 

When the other tables were set, Kara found herself standing numbly in front of table 16. Lena had sat there, in her expensive dress, with her perfect hairdo, painted by perfect make-up and draped in the aura of a classy lady. The Lena who had talked to her, laughed with her, cried on her shoulders. The Lena who had reached out to her and then shut everything down. The Lena who she had thought to be the most amazing gift she had received. The Lena who had destroyed her world as fast as how she had enriched it.

 

Tracing her fingers along the chair, she recalled how she had done this back at the mansion, while Lena was sitting on the chair, reading her daily newspaper, butt naked.

 

It was a complicated relationship. It was an even more complicated situation that they got themselves in. There was one thing simple: Kara had loved her so much. She couldn’t say for Lena, though, because it would be even more complex.

 

But Kara believed it was her fault for being stupid enough to be fooled by those beautiful but cold eyes and perfectly painted lips but saying cruel things. Yes, she had been a fool.

 

Lena was nothing more than just a lesson terribly learned.

 

Kara picked up the chair and placed it upside down on the table. Then she locked the restaurant’s doors and shoved her hands into the coat’s pocket, walking to her car to go home.

 

Even when she was safely in bed, curling up in the blanket, Kara still thought about Lena. How ironic is it to force the thoughts of someone yet only to receive more? How had she been? Did Jack finally bring her happiness like she said? From whom did the child inherit his look more, Lena or Jack?

 

She had many questions that could never be answered. The universe brought the Spheers to Metropolis, to her restaurant today as a sign, telling Kara that she had almost ruined a perfectly happy family because of her innocence and naivety.

 

_ Good for them. _

 

_ Good for him. _

 

_ Good for her. _

  
  
  
  


______________________

  
  
  
  
  


Lena came again.

 

Kara stared at the woman who sat alone at table 16 again.

 

Where was Jack? He was probably at work.

 

Where was their son? He was probably at school.

 

Why was Lena having her lunch alone?

 

Too many questions. Too dangerous.

 

“You know her?”

 

Kara was startled by Siobhan’s question and turned away. She continued wiping her hands dry and began sorting out the carrots. “Who?” she asked innocently.

 

Siobhan went around the table and started picking out apples from the basket. “The customer who asked about the special. She came again.”

 

“That means she likes our food,” Kara deflected with common sense, “Good.”

 

Her employee smiled, shaking her head, “Can you tell me why you didn’t come out to talk to her last night?”

 

Kara shrugged, trying to buy some time. She couldn’t simply tell Siobhan ‘Oh, she’s the married woman who had an affair with me a few years ago but sure, I’ll go talk to her, and her husband and also her son’ so she picked the most reasonable thing she could come up at the moment, “No reason at all. I just think Winn could do that just fine.”

 

“She asked specifically for the creator of the dish, Kara,” Siobhan casually added, “she even complimented on the decoration.”

 

“Really?” Kara blurted out and then covered up the sound of hope in her voice, “Well, I spent a lot of effort on that.”

 

“You sure did,” Siobhan chuckled. The conversation halted there because the others were coming. Everyone greeted each other before getting into position, ready for another busy afternoon. The morning shift didn’t as energy straining as the afternoon one so Kara only came around this hour.

 

Kara’s eyes once again followed through the doors to drop at a particular woman who came early and sat at the same seat she had taken last night. Siobhan came first so she had let Lena in. Kara considered that as a luck because if Kara had come a little sooner, she would have to face Lena sooner then expected. Actually, she never expected to see Lena again. She couldn’t remember why until she really saw her now, here, as real as ever.

 

She remembered how hurt Lena had made her feel.

 

No, Kara Danvers did not want to meet Lena Spheer again.

 

“Hey,” Siobhan whispered into Kara’s ear before stepping out of the hall, “you haven’t told me if you know the woman or not.”

 

She froze a bit before mentally reminding herself to tell Siobhan not to let anyone come in before serving hour.

  
  
  
  


__________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


Lena came regularly, something Kara wasn’t so thrilled about, yet she couldn’t help looking for the familiar figure every Wednesday and Friday afternoon. She would order the special plate, along with different side dish, but always the restaurant’s specialty.

 

Kara wondered why. But she wouldn’t ask.

 

“Lady Table 16 is here!” Winn joyfully announced in the kitchen, “I hope she comes for me.”

 

“Stop fooling around,” J’onn, the most experienced cook in the kitchen warned while stirring his pot, “Concentrate.”

 

There were a lot of theories going around the kitchen about the ‘mysterious Lady Table 16’. Winn believed she was interested in an employee in the restaurant. J’onn thought she might be a food critic. Siobhan was keen on the theory that she was a debt collector. The rest also thought Lena was a critic, too.

 

“What about you, boss? Why do you think she’s here all the time?”

 

_ She’s here to torture my already broken heart once again. _

 

Kara did not answer like that, instead, she said, “She's just a regular customer who loves our food. The end.”

 

If only Lena’s presence could be explained that easily…

 

Lena had never been a simple chapter in Kara’s life. On one page, she was the Mister’s wife. On the other page, she was Kara’s friend.

 

It was still pretty clear in Kara’s memory, how their friendship began to form, which led to deeper involvement and a quicksand of affection.

 

After solving Lena’s crossword, she tended to consult Kara about the next ones, which had been quite fun for the both of them. Kara had made a habit of lingering a bit too long around the red roses to see if the Mrs needed any help on some brain-scratching words. And she always did need help.

 

After a while, something else had been added to their interaction.

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  


_ “Kara, would you mind take off your shirt?” _

 

_ She instantly felt hotter under the sun, thankfully the big straw hat had helped her covering the face when she turned to the woman who had just made a rather funny request. “Wh-what?” The scissors in her hands suddenly became heavier. _

 

_ Lena Spheer’s face didn’t change, she casually repeated the question, “Would you mind taking off your shirt? There’s a loose button that’s been driving me insane.” _

 

_ “Oh,” Kara nervously chuckled, looking back down at her shirt, “there is?” _

 

_ “Yes, on your left breast pocket,” Lena stepped out of the porch, walking into the garden. She carefully avoided the plants with such grace that made Kara pour all of her focus on those delicate feet, “if you don’t mind, I’d love to sew it up for you.” _

 

_ Suddenly felt embarrassed, Kara stepped back, “It’s not worth the trouble, Mrs. Spheer.” _

 

_ “Oh, it is,” Lena insisted, “I want to take care of family and friends whenever I can.” She was shorter than Kara, but her heels always made up for the height difference. “And you are my friend, Kara.” _

 

_ How could Kara say no to that? _

 

_ Kara then was sitting on the porch, wearing another shirt while Lena was sitting in her favorite chair, steadily sewing up the loose button. The wind blew gently across the porch, bringing a few strands of hair from Lena’s perfect bun flurry in the air, creating a softer and more familiar look to the woman’s face. Kara unconsciously observed the image, wondering if she just helped Lena tucking those strands into the bun, would it be a problem? _

 

_ “Stop staring at me like that,” Lena spoke even though she didn’t even look up from the needle. _

 

_ “Like what, Mrs. Spheer?” she mindlessly replied, turning away. _

 

_ “Like it’s fascinating watching me.” _

 

_ The lady didn’t think much of herself, it was a fact. It was also one of the things Kara couldn’t get. Lena was beautiful, classy, married to a powerful and rich man. She practically had everything. How could she think so little of herself? _

 

_ “You are fascinating, Mrs. Spheer.” _

 

_ “Tell me one thing that is actually fascinating about me, Kara.” Lena threw her a challenging glance. _

 

_ Kara hummed and answered, “The way you bundle your hair up every day. I could never pay enough attention to my hair that much.” _

 

_ Lena paused sewing, she turned to look at Kara, making her feel a bit self-conscious. Then she smiled gently and said, “Maybe you don’t have to. You already look as perfect as you are.” _

  
  
  
  


_ *** _

  
  
  
  


That statement had followed Kara ever since. She didn’t know what Lena meant back then, was it just a simple compliment, or was it a bait for any naive rabbit to gnaw at? She had no idea. Kara only realized at that moment, she began to have some feelings for the older woman who was another person’s wife. And she should have stopped, but she was too dumb to acknowledge it. The blur line between employer/employee and even friends began to grow, covering up the definitions that should have been separated clearly.

 

Lena had told Kara a lot about her childhood. How she has been adopted and how her life had been. How she had her first broken bone and the most recent she could recall.

 

Kara shared too. She didn’t hide anything. From her kindergarten days to the plans she had drawn out for herself.

 

The first time they cook together was coincident.

 

Kara couldn’t cook then, it was a fact. Lena could, and she could do it very well. So she taught Kara how to cook. From simple first. It led to them spending even more time together.

 

It was when James first warned her about the relationship she was having with the Mrs.

 

_ “I’m not in love with her if that’s what you’re implying.” _ Kara had sounded incredibly confident then. What a fool.

 

She had fallen in love with the woman who smiled like it was the most precious gift she could offer to others. She had fallen in love with the woman who touched her so gently like she was the most fragile thing in the world to her. She had fallen in love with the woman she wasn’t supposed to. She had fallen for another’s wife.

 

It hadn’t occurred to her that fact just yet until the day she saw Lena coming home with visible puffy eyes, wrapped in a giant fluffy brown coat. She sat alone in the living room, gazing blankly at her hands. Kara had come to say goodbye for the day before taking the weekend off and found Lena with a tear-stained face, she couldn’t help it.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


_ “Mrs. Spheer, are you okay?” she timidly took a step closer to the long sofa, where the raven-haired woman was sitting. She slowly turned to Kara and gave a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. It was a sad view to see. _

 

_ “If I say I’m okay, would you believe me?” Lena’s voice sounded choked. _

 

_ Kara shook her head. Then she took another step closer. “Is there anything I can do for you?” _

 

_ Lena looked down again, then she stood up and spread her arms, “A hug, please.” _

 

_ Kara froze a bit before the demand. “I-I’m dirty,” she stuttered. _

 

_ “I don’t care,” said Lena. _

 

_ As if given some kind of permission, the young Kara Danvers walked into the woman’s embrace and subconsciously returned the gesture. They stood silently in the dark living room, holding each other for a reason Kara had no idea what. But she knew that the moment she felt the warmth against her skin, it was too late. Her heart beat with an incredible speed, the heat pumping from it ran from head to toe, bringing her closer to but also further from reality. What was going on? _

 

_ “Did something happen, Mrs. Spheer?” she mumbled. _

 

_ “Shh…” Lena responded, slowly tightening her arms around Kara, “I’ll explain tomorrow. For now, please…” _

 

_ Kara, of course, didn’t understand, but she trusted Lena with her innocent soul. And she followed her instinct to stick around. _

 

_ Lena fell asleep in Kara’s arms, probably due to exhaustion from the crying that was easily told from the red puffy eyes. Kara carried her to her room and placed her down on the bed. Mr. Spheer was never home, Kara wondered why. _

 

_ How could he let her wife alone like this? _

 

**_I would never…_ **

 

_ Kara gulped as the thought came to her mind when she was standing next to Lena’s bed, gazing down at the sleeping woman. An urge of wrapping her arms around Lena rose again in Kara, which she knew was wrong, but she didn’t move. She knew better. _

 

_ So she left the room, left the sleeping woman curling up in the expensive coat. _

 

_ Left the sinful temptation behind. _

 

_ The temptation didn’t leave her. _

  
  
  
  


///

  
  
  
  


_ After that weird incident, things became a bit less comfortable between them. Kara sensed an invisible wall between them, whenever their eyes met, their presence in the same room, their names called. The difference had been there, but Kara couldn’t know for sure what it was. _

 

_ She didn’t ask about it. _

 

_ Then a party was held at the Spheer mansion. Mr. Spheer was home, wrapping his arm around Lena’s waist, showing his authority. Kara could still remember the burn of jealousy she had felt when her eyes met the couple, walking along the garden, leading their guests to admire the beauty of Jack Spheer’s property. _

 

_ She snapped the scissors harshly everytime she caught a vile look at Lena from one of her husband’s guests. They were all looking at her as if she was another piece of Jack’s possessions. But Lena was laughing and Kara had no other choice but to assume that everything was fine. _

 

_ That night, when Kara was collecting things to leave, she spotted Mrs. Spheer twirling a glass of wine alone on the porch. The older woman was wearing a bright red dress that left nearly nothing to imagine from behind. Kara couldn’t pull her eyes away, kept staring like a deer caught in the headlights. The illuminating light coming from the party inside painted a glow around the woman, making her so captivating like she was not real but a painting. A living masterpiece. _

 

_ “Bored, Mrs. Spheer?” she asked, grinning as she adjusted the strap of her bag. _

 

_ Lena looked down at her, a polite smile appeared, “You can say that. Are you going home?” _

 

_ “Yes, it’s Friday, see you next week, Mrs. Spheer.” Kara half-turned away but paused and faced the Mrs again, “Are we… okay?” _

 

_ “I don’t understand,” Lena arched an eyebrow, smirking, “is there anything to not be okay?” _

 

_ Kara shrugged, “I’m not sure. Hope not.” _

 

_ Lena tilted her head, swinging the glass a bit, “Have a great weekend, Kara.” _

 

_ “You too, Mrs. Spheer.” _

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


It had been three months since Lena started having lunch at Kara’s. It had been a familiar sight for Kara, seeing the person who had marked a special chapter of her life, sitting only thirty feet away.

 

_ “...that’s how I’m going to spend my weekend.” _ Alex’s voice next to her ear reminded Kara that she was on the phone with her sister who was currently in National City,  _ “What about you, sis? Any exciting news?” _

 

_ Well, the woman who broke my heart is eating lunch in my restaurant. _

 

“Not much. Everything is the same,” she replied.

 

_ “You should go out, Kara. Find someone.” _

 

Kara’s eyes immediately went through the hole in the door, resting on Lena’s side face. Letting out a sigh, she responded, “I don’t have time for that.”

 

_ “Kara, you run a restaurant, not a country. And even a president has time to find a date.” _

 

“All presidents are married, Alex.”

 

_ “I’m trying to make a point. You haven’t gone out for months, gosh. You’re just twenty-six. Live your life!” _

 

Kara knew Alex was right. She had tried to go out and heal her heart with other people but no relationship lasted more than three months. The spark was just not there, not like how she used to have with Lena. She never told Alex about it because she knew how Alex felt about Lena. Alex would freak out if she knew Lena was still around Kara’s life, even though not intentionally.

 

“I have no one to go out with,” she said.

 

_ “Maggie is in Metropolis right now. Hang out with my girlfriend. I’ll tell her to drag you out of the house if she must.” _

 

Kara chuckled, slightly shaking her head. To Alex, Kara might find a way to escape, but not to Maggie. Her sister’s girlfriend was a persistent one. Probably being a homicide detective has something to do with it.

 

“Fine. Tell her to come by then.”

 

_ “Great! I’ll call her right away! Have fun and love you!” _

 

Before returning to work, Kara stole another glance at Lena and wondered what the woman would react if she knew Kara was standing right behind the kitchen doors.

  
  
  
  
  


_____________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kara heard the scream and rushed to the hall right away. In front of her was a very freaked out Winn and a stunned male customer, standing near table 16. Winn was apologizing constantly to one particular customer who was standing up from her regular seat at table 16.

 

Holding her breath, Kara tried to form her calmness and asked, “What is going on?”

 

Winn spun around, tears could be seen in his eyes. “Boss, I’m so sorry.”

 

“It was my fault,” the male customer spoke, holding out his hands, “I stumbled on his feet while he was carrying the hot soup.”

 

“Kara?” She heard the mumble from Lena but she ignored that and pretended like she had no idea who the woman was.

 

Looking at the orange stain on Lena’s dress, Kara could see where the soup had gone. She gathered her confidence and looked straight into the woman’s eyes, saying with the most professional voice she could find, “I’m terribly sorry for the unfortunate incident. We’ll make it up for you.” Trying to not notice the way Lena’s eyes bore into her, Kara turned to the male customer, “It was an accident, sir. You are not at fault, do not worry.”

 

“But what about the lady’s dress?” Winn asked, practically shaking.

 

Kara gestured the door right on the left and told Lena, “Please wait for me in my office, ma’am, I’ll be right there for you.”

 

Lena seemed to freeze for a moment before mumbling a ‘thank you’ and walked towards the indicated direction.

 

Kara called the others to clean up the mess on the tablecloth and the floor while reassuring the male customer that he held no responsibility and that she looked for his return to the restaurant. Winn was very nervous, but she was not worried about what Lena would ask to be made up for the incident as much as about how she should deal with being in the same room with Lena.

 

Every step she took towards the office, it got heavier.

 

What should she tell Lena?

 

Should she go on with the play, that she didn’t know Lena at all?

 

Should she be smug and tell Lena off that what she had done to Kara was way worse than being poured on with hot soup?

 

Should she grab Lena’s shoulders and shake them to unleash her anger upon Lena? Or she should just bruise her with a kiss?

 

What should she do? She had no idea.

 

Her heartbeat was too loud for her to think right now, which was so bad because Lena always had her.

 

She twisted the handle and opened the door.

 

Lena was standing with her back at the door, turning around. The raven hair flowed gently in the air, reminding Kara of the times they spent together in Lena’s room, how she had had her fingers in the stream of hair and had whispered only lovely words into Lena’s ears. Those emerald eyes, where she had found the very first beat of love, now were staring at her with surprise and also shock. But there was something else hiding in them, something Kara couldn’t tell.

 

“Hi…” Lena started, trailing off awkwardly, “I didn’t expect to meet you here.”

 

“I didn’t expect to meet you at all,” Kara retorted quickly, almost regretted the tone when she saw the hurt look in Lena’s eyes. How she had been so cold to Kara seven years ago, now she seemed so vulnerable. Was Lena trying to make Kara feel sympathetic? Or sad? Kara walked around the sat down on the chair, “I’m sorry about your dress. How can I make it up to you?”

 

“How are you?” Lena asked, not moving from her stance nor sitting down, “How have you been?”

 

Kara smirked, “You haven’t heard my question properly, Mrs. Spheer. I asked how could I make it up to you about the dress.”

 

“I’m not-” Lena cleared her throat, “I’m no longer Mrs. Spheer.”

 

Kara had not seen that coming. She blinked in confusion several times and chuckled in disbelief, “No way.”

 

A small laugh escaped Lena’s lips. “Yes, way.”

 

“Since when?”

 

“Six years ago.”

 

A year after their falling out. Kara nodded acknowledging, “Good for you.”

 

The atmosphere became thicker because the conversation suddenly came to an awkward pause. Their eyes met and Kara foolishly ler hers drown in the intense gaze from the other woman, one of the things that had gotten her into the mess of the affair. She suddenly couldn’t remember what she was supposed to do.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena said, placing one hand on her neck, a gesture she always did when nervous. Kara hated herself for remembering that.

 

“For what?” Kara tore the gaze away, looking down at the paper on the desk, “My employee spilled soup on you, I should be the one to apologize.”

 

“For what happened.” Lena let out a sigh, “I shouldn’t have done the things I did.”

 

Kara now sent a direct stare at the standing woman, resting her chin on clenching fists to ask, “You mean the times we had sex on the kitchen counter or the night you basically kicked me out of your life? I can’t tell exactly why you should feel sorry at all. You seemed perfectly fine when you broke my heart, Lena.”

 

Saying the words that were meant to hurt Lena, Kara found herself bleeding inside as well. She had spent countless nights thinking over and over about what Lena had told her, hoping it wasn’t true. But after what they had told each other, it was all just a fantasy Kara had made up in her mind while Lena was only playing a game. A cruel game with her heart.

 

Lena’s eyes began to water. It was a trick to get sympathy from Kara. Not gonna happen again. “I hurt you and I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for what I did to you.”

 

Kara kept a straight face because her hands sensed some shaking. “I’m not a naive girl anymore, Lena. Your words don’t mean anything to me. I moved on.”

 

A single tear fell on Lena’s cheek, she quickly wiped it away and smiled sadly, “Yes, I can see that. I’m glad your life is better now.”

 

_ Not really. _ “It is.  _ Much _ better than seven years ago.”

 

The hurt struck again in green eyes. Jackpot. Bingo. Kara had made sure to show Lena that she was very well without Lena, though it was a debatable truth, Lena didn’t need to know that.

 

Lena gulped, nodding. “Good for you.”

 

The awkward pause happened again. It made Kara feel choked and uncomfortable so much that she pushed the desk and stood up, startling Lena. “So, do you take cash or check?”

 

“F-for what?” A stuttered Lena reminded Kara again of the times when she had her head between the woman’s thighs, which was something she should forget by now.

 

“For the dry-cleaning,” Kara answered, crossing her arms, “Hot soup, stained dress, remember?”

 

“Ah, yes,” Lena chuckled shyly, “There’s no need for that.”

 

“I need to pay for the damage my employee has caused,” Kara firmly replied. She didn’t want to owe Lena anything.

 

“It’s fine. I get to meet you, that’s enough.” Lena had this smile on her face like she actually meant what she said.

 

“Don’t,” she warned, stepping back a bit.

 

Lena’s eyes grew wider, “Don’t what?”

 

“Don’t treat me like I have some significant meaning to you,” she lowered her voice, “We both know how little you think of me.”

 

She sounded angry and she meant it. She wanted Lena to acknowledge her anger. Seven years ago, she had it. Seven years later, she still felt its heat. It never went away, just like the smile, the touch, the smell, the voice of Lena she couldn’t forget. Her heart was still twisted painfully, torturing her every second she spent in the same room with Lena.

 

“Kar-” Lena spoke but Kara didn’t want to hear anything else.

 

“Stop. That’s enough,” she raised one hand, “Just leave something so I can pay for the dry-cleaning and go.”

 

Lena bit her lower lip, gulping again and fished out a name card to place it on the desk. Then she stepped back, clutching the purse nervously. “There you go. I’m leaving.”

 

Kara watched as the black-haired woman turned around. Her first instinct was to reach out but she tightened the crossed-arms to gain control of her own body and desire.

 

Suddenly, Lena faced her again. “Just so you know, I’m happy you moved on and found a good life. I truly am.” Her eyes lingered on Kara’s face, searching for something unclear. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure,” Kara said nonchalantly, hoping she would come across casual.

 

“The name of your special,” Lena curled up as if she wanted to appear solid, “ _ ‘With you until dawn’ _ , what does it mean?”

 

_ So, you notice. _ Kara lifted her chin and smirked, “What do you think it means?”

 

The blush on Lena’s face was visible, even under a layer of makeup. “I-I don’t know.”

 

“It’s so nostalgic to see you stutter in front of me,” Kara added, glancing up and down the woman, “even with your clothes on.”

 

Lena’s blush grew pinker, she waved her hands, “Nevermind. I’m going now.” She turned to the door, but before leaving, she still said over her shoulder, “You seem changed.”

 

“Obviously,” Kara made a thorny remark, thinking she got what she wanted: showing Lena she was better off without her.

 

“But if the name does mean what I think it is, you haven’t changed that much.”

 

The door slammed, leaving Kara with the silence and the shame of being caught in her own lie. She shut her eyes, frowning away the images of what the phrase always meant to her.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


_ “I made something for you,” Kara said as she continued combing Lena’s hair in the dark. They were laying comfortably on the bed, naked and wrapped in each other, “A gift.” _

 

_ “What is it?” Lena’s voice was hoarse after all the panting and moaning for hours, yet it sounded as soft as ever. _

 

_ Kara reached the counter next to the bed and pulled out a little box, pressing the switch to turn on the lamp. Lena whined when the light hit her eyes, earning chuckles from Kara. “Woah, alert me first, dear!” _

 

_ “Haha, I’m sorry, you have to see it.” She sat up a bit and handed the box to her lover, “Open it.” _

 

_ Lena’s hand froze before taking the box. “Kara… this isn’t-” _

 

_ “It’s not a ring, trust me,” she reassured, kissing the woman’s cheek, “I’m not stupid to ask you marry me right now.” _

 

_ Lena let out a relieved sigh and lifted the lid. Her eyes grew larger when she pulled out a pendant, coming along with it was a thin silver string. “It’s beautiful.” _

 

_ “Like you,” Kara cheekily added, “can I put it on for you?” _

 

_ Lena sat up, letting the blanket fall to reveal her naked upper-body, turning her back at Kara. “A real flower as a necklace? Very creative.” _

 

_ Kara smiled, wrapping the string around Lena’s neck, hooking it to secure the necklace. Her lover turned around, giving her a loving kiss. “Thank you. I really love it.” _

 

_ The overwhelming sensation of having Lena in her arms, next to her, being kissed by her and making her smile had fueled Kara into saying the words that not even in her dream, she would imagine telling Lena, “I love you.” _

 

_ Lena stared at her, her eyes began to water in the dim light of the cheap lamp next to Kara’s bed. Kara knew she had declared a tough thing to Lena, but she couldn’t help it. It was the truth. “Kara…” _

 

_ “You don’t have to say it back,” Kara tugged a strand of hair behind Lena’s ear, “I know I can only be with you until dawn.” _

 

_ Lena gulped, placing her hand on Kara’s, smiling. “Do you have paper and pen here?” _

 

_ “I think so,” Kara opened the drawer and found her handkerchief along with a red pen, “No paper, only this.” _

 

_ “That’s good.” Lena took the items and scribbled on the handkerchief. Kara kissed her shoulders, her back while waiting for her lover to do whatever she wanted. “Done.” _

 

_ Lena gave her back the handkerchief. Kara saw that she had written a poem. _

  
  
  


**_ With these longing and steady hands _ **

**_ You make me feel things no other can _ **

**_ Until the sun rises and takes you away _ **

**_ Dawn is the moment my soul always stays. _ **

  
  
  
  


_ “Wow, that was quick,” Kara enjoyed the poem with a wide grin on her face. _

 

_ “Read the first word of each line,” Lena suggested. _

 

_ Kara looked back on the handkerchief, “‘With you until dawn’,” she mumbled, grinning even brighter. _

 

_ “Until dawn,” Lena said, leaning over Kara. _

 

_ “Until dawn…” Kara whispered into Lena’s mouth, kissing away every second they could spend together before the morning came again to force them apart. _

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Kara returned to her chair, pulling out a drawer from the right. Inside, the once white handkerchief now was a bit more dirty rest mockingly, the words written once red now faded ink were still visible on the top. She gently took it out, running her thumbs on the letters, her heart filled with emotion.

 

“With you until dawn…” she read, letting out a sigh, then she put back the handkerchief to where it belonged and slammed shut the drawer.

 

Kara fished out her phone and pressed to call Maggie. She needed to go out, have fun, hook up with someone so she could get rid of the dangerous feelings coming back into her closed heart.

 

She didn’t want Lena to be right. That she hadn’t changed much. That she was still that lovelorn young girl who blindly fell for a married woman with no future.

 

That she was still in love with her after all these years.


	2. It's only Wednesday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena's POV and progress of the story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see you guys like the first chapter, hopefully this would live up to your expectations.
> 
> All the mistakes are mine and none of the characters are.
> 
> Enjoy! Or suffer! Whatever it is.

Lena didn’t remember how much it hurt. Or she did but she tried not to think about it every day because it would make her life a little easier.

She nearly forgot the nights she had spent staring at the rose bushes next to the porch, where she no longer found a familiar blonde who always wore the rough jean jacket, a bright and youthful grin on her lips. She nearly forgot the night she had to make one of the biggest decisions of her life, to do the right thing, even if it only brought her pain. She nearly forgot how it felt to forever have her soul broken.

Lena nearly forgot all of that, until the moment she stood up from the chair inside the restaurant. The scalding heat on her thighs could no longer bother her when a particular person walked into sight. Her heart jumped to a stop, her mouth fell open, her entire body came to a halt. Time seemed to stop around Lena, only one person was moving.

Kara was wearing a navy blue suit with black lapels over a white shirt, long black pants and a pair of heels. For an already tall girl, the additional height only made Kara seem more intimidating. The way Kara’s eyes looked straight into Lena’s, it was distant and cold, as if they didn’t recognize her.

When Kara looked away, only then Lena could breathe again. Reality returned to her, as she stood there in a busy restaurant, with a stained dress, in front of the girl who had made an impact so big that her entire life would not have turned out the way it did if Kara never replied to the nonchalant question that day on the porch of her ex-husband’s mansion.

Sometimes Lena wondered what would happen if she hadn’t prolonged their conversation…

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


_ “Are you asking me, Mrs. Spheer?” _

_ Lena heard the voice and moved the newspaper in front of her a little bit to see who had asked her. A young blonde girl was looking up at her, with the big scissors in her hands and a straw hat covering her forehead. “No, sorry,” she replied casually and returned to her daily task. _

_ The moment she realized the stranger had amazing blue eyes, the curiosity in her battled and won the control over her. Lena picked up the conversation, “Do you by any chance have an answer for that?” _

_ The young girl’s eyes lit up, she shrugged and timidly responded, “Well, something you already have?” _

_ Lena had thought about that first. The coincidence in minds made her smile. “Not the answer for this one, apparently. Two words. One with five letters and the other with eight. Any idea?” She couldn’t help but notice this was the first time she had seen this gardener. Was she new? _

_ The blonde brought her hand up to scratch her neck. The gesture brought some leaves to the girl’s face, to which she shook her head to get rid of them. The image made Lena happy for some reason. It was natural and real, unlike most of the people she had to interact with. “This is a tough one,” said the girl. _

_ “It is,” Lena agreed, and decided to share something on her part, offering a gift to the conversation, “I have been thinking about it since the morning. If I can’t solve this before noon, I might lose sleep.” _

_ A crispy and joyful sound took over the air. The girl laughed, shaking the last of the leaves from her shoulders. “Seriously? You always take crosswords this seriously, Mrs. Spheer?” _

_ The urge of tease invaded Lena’s chest. She hadn’t felt so at ease with such a stranger before. “I do,” she smirked and crossed her legs, leaning against the backrest, an act of authority and confidence she was taught since little. “Why shouldn’t I take crosswords seriously?” she taunted. _

_ “I don’t know…” the blonde trailed off, shrugging again. Lena enjoyed the way the girl looked away and then shot her eyes back at her instantly. “Because it’s just a crossword?” _

_ She didn’t reply right away, waiting to observe the gardener. She seemed pretty young, about eighteen, nineteen years old. Her eyes were wide and curious. She looked exactly like Lena a decade ago, probably even younger. Lena decided to give the younger woman a little insight of what Lena would wish she’d known when she had been her age, “I believe everything is a crossword. Every conflict, every obstacle, every hardship is a crossword, waiting to be solved. You might find me losing sleep over a crossword is ridiculous, but I don’t let anything, even just a simple arrangement of letters on the daily newspaper, stand in the way of having a fine morning.” _

_ She had learned, the hard way, that if you didn’t solve little problems because they were small, you wouldn’t be able to do bigger things. Lena had been so young when Jack asked her to marry him. Surrounding her were men with ill intentions towards the fortune she would inherit after her father’s death. Lionel had been sick, very sick, cancer didn’t give him much time. His only wish was to see Lena on her wedding day, something he would surely not be able to get during his final days. _

_ Lena had stood in front of a big decision. As one of the richest heirs in the country, Lena had been given such a big responsibility once Lionel died: running the Luthor Corp. The problem was she had done nothing but playing around all her life, thinking her father would always be there for her when she needed him. The plan was ruined and Lena had in hand a giant company that she had no idea how to run. Her mother, Lillian, suggested that she should get married to someone who could. And it was Jack Spheer, Jonah Spheer’s son. Jonah was Lionel’s friend since childhood and the Spheers had always been a friend to her family. Lena hadn’t even met Jack before and she still had no choice but accepting the proposal. _

_ She had become Mrs. Spheer without knowing what her husband’s middle name was like that. It would be an understatement to say she had brought more problems into her life rather than one. She had to take an even bigger role than a naive heiress who had no idea how to use her money. _

_ Jack asked nothing much from Lena, actually. She only needed to play the part of the perfect wife, perfect flower to decorate him at events and the perfect half of the richest man in National City. _

_ Lena could provide whatever he asked. She had never let Jack be embarrassed by her, or let her presence annoy him. The sex was fine, even though Lena dreaded every moment of it, she understood it was her duty to make him happy. He seemed happy, she thought. He never complained. _

_ Still, he asked for more. A child. _

_ Lena supposed it was reasonable and she didn’t question it, even if she had no idea what motherhood was. _

_ Nothing happened. After two years of trying, Lena was still not pregnant. _

_ It got stressful really quick, on her part at least. Jack slowly stopped coming home, he always had this sad look in his eyes, as if he was blaming her for not being able to carry a child. And she was getting older every day, which was an obvious sign of reducing chances for her to be a mom. _

_ Jack was no longer at home, Lena began not missing him. She couldn’t care less if he was. They slept in separate rooms, drove separate cars and lived in separate worlds. _

_ Lena had nothing else to do but cleaning the house, the furniture, the silverware, basically everything that could be cleaned, fix anything that should be fixed. She killed time by following a routine, a boring routine. Days went by without any interesting events. _

_ Lena existed. Not lived. _

_ “Your morning is ruined by an unsolved crossword, Mrs. Spheer?” asked the gardener. Of course, she couldn’t understand Lena. Nobody did. She got used to it. _

_ “Yes,” she bitterly answered, sipping her coffee, then added, “Ridiculous, isn’t it?” _

_ The blonde shyly looked at her and returning to her job. Lena didn’t feel like she should distract the girl from her work, so she stayed quiet. She thought about herself, being young and free again. Would she change anything? Would she start working for someone like her? Would she be wiser? _

_ The conversation didn’t stay too long in her brain. When Lena had dinner that day, she didn’t expect to find a little note with neat writing on it, something that was the answer to the question that had been nagging her since early today. She chuckled, running her fingers on the note, finding it funny how there was another person who paid as much attention to such silly things like her. It was ridiculous, and the girl even admitted thinking so, yet she still tried to answer it for Lena. _

_ She smiled when she sat on the bed that night, with the morning paper in hand, scribbling down the suggestion coming from the kind stranger with bright blue eyes and an adorable grin. _

  
  
  


**_W.H.I.T.E_ **

**_E.L.E.P.H.A.N.T_ **

  
  
  


_ Lena reminded herself that she should personally express her gratitude towards the gardener tomorrow. _

_ She hadn’t known then, she had just registered for something both healing and poisonous. _

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


Lena hadn’t thought about seeing Kara after such a long time and still gotten flustered in front of those big blue eyes, now were a bit darker and colder than before. She tried to keep herself from remembering how they had been in the dim light of her room, where desire took over.

“Hi…” she started first, as soon as Kara walked into the office. Her entire body was vibrating with worries and excitement. To see Kara healthy, confident and successful was her dream. She was too happy to think clearly, “I didn’t expect to meet you here.”

“I didn’t expect to meet you at all.” The cold and distant voice shut down the joy in Lena’s heart. She knew Kara was perfectly right to keep her at arm’s length, considering what she had done. That didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt like hell. Kara walked around the desk to sit down, completely giving the cold treatment with a casual, “I’m sorry about your dress. How can I make it up to you?”

Lena still stubbornly tried to break the ice because she was not used to this new Kara, “How are you?” Thinking it would be not enough, she added, “How have you been?” All she wanted was to touch, to hug, to kiss Kara, but she couldn’t, and it was torturous to know she could never be allowed to do that ever again. The way they broke up was the worst thing she had ever done, there was no coming back from it anymore.

“You haven’t heard my question properly, Mrs. Spheer,” Karra smirked nonchalantly, refused to answer any of the questions. “I asked how could I make it up to you about your dress.”

“I’m not-” she cleared her throat, trying to find a way to deliver the news that Kara clearly hadn’t heard about. Why should Kara even pay attention to Lena’s life anymore after that night? Why was she hoping? “I’m no longer Mrs. Spheer.”

The blonde seemed surprised. She chuckled darkly, “No way.”

“Yes, way.” Lena unconsciously laughed along and felt stupid. It didn’t matter that she was not married anymore to Kara.

“Since when?”

“Six years ago.”

Lena hoped to find some new reaction to the news but Kara only nodded and said, “Good for you.”

Both of them knew how the marriage had affected their relationship. Lena assumed that if this had happened seven years ago, things would have changed. A lot. Her Kara wouldn’t look at her with disgust and sadness in her eyes like this. Her Kara wouldn’t stand so far away from her like this. Her Kara…

Why did she still think ‘her Kara’? Kara had no longer been anyone to her the moment she chose the right thing over what she wanted. She no longer meant anything to Kara. It was over.

They didn’t speak for a little while before Lena said what she should have said many years ago, “I’m sorry.” Bringing back the old pain made Lena nervous beyond imagination but she knew it had to be done.

“For what?” Kara didn’t hold the eye contact, probably because she was sick of looking at Lena, “my employee spilled soup on you, I should be the one to apologize.”

She ignored the twist in her chest to explain herself, thinking maybe Kara had deliberately avoided bringing back their mess on her own, “For what happened. I shouldn’t have done the things I did.”

Something changed in Kara’s body language. Her eyes became sharper as she rested her chin on the knuckles of her hands. Her voice was lower and filled with sarcasm, “You mean the times we had sex on the kitchen counter or the night you basically kicked me out of your life? I can’t tell why you should feel sorry at all. You seemed perfectly fine when you broke my heart, Lena.”

It was the first time in years, Lena was able to hear her name being called by Kara again, yet the sound only made her sad. Kara sounded angry. She should be angry, Lena dared not to doubt that. The way Kara spoke was much different from how she used to speak to Lena, and she believed this hateful voice was preserved for her only.

_ She hates me… _

The thought brought tears to her eyes, which was bad timing. Kara from seven years ago would do everything to keep her eyes dry from any sadness, but this Kara enjoyed her misery. What had she done? She had turned a kind, loving and caring girl into a sarcastic, cold and bitter woman just because she had to do the right thing. Lena was a terrible person.

Lena sensed her eyes wetter, her voice sounded choked, “I hurt you and I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for what I did to you.”

Kara didn’t care much, it seemed. “I’m not a naive girl anymore, Lena. Your words don’t mean anything to me. I moved on.”

Could it be any more painful than knowing you meant nothing to the person who meant the world to you? The greatest misery living inside Lena’s chest was giving birth to a load of pain that she was afraid she was too weak to handle.

The tear fell, but Lena wiped it away, knowing she had to appear strong, or else she would break apart and she would seem even more pathetic in Kara’s eyes. “Yes, I can see that. I’m glad your life is better now.”

“It is.  _ Much _ better than seven years ago.”

The knot tightened in Lena’s throat. Kara wanted to remind her about the pain she had suffered, fine, Lena had to take it. Whatever Kara wanted to do, even taking revenge on Lena, she would gladly accept. Anything to have a piece of the old Kara.

“Good for you,” she muttered.

They stayed quiet again. It was suffocating to be in the same room with Kara, feeling the hatred she had for Lena. She wanted to get out of there, but then she would never see Kara again.

The blonde stood up and asked, “So, do you take cash or check?”

The sudden change of subject caught Lena off-guard. “F-for what?” she stuttered immaturely.

“For the dry-cleaning.” Kara crossed her arms, staring casually at her, “Hot soup, stained dress, remember?”

What did it matter? “Ah, yes. There’s no need for that.”

“I need to pay for the damage my employee has caused.” The way Kara delivered the statement made Lena understand that she wanted nothing to do with Lena anymore.

“It’s fine. I get to meet you, that’s enough.” Lena said the words that were as true as her skin. She would get herself splashed in hot soup every day if it was the price for her to see Kara again.

“Don’t,” Kara warned, stepping further away from Lena. Like she couldn’t stand being close to her.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t treat me like I have some significant meaning to you,” Kara frowned cautiously, her eyes filled with distrust, “We both know how little you think of me.”

_ It’s not true. _

_ You mean everything to me. _

_ I have died everyday, thinking I could never hear anything from you every again. _

_ I have stayed up countless hours to recall our happy time together so I could feel alive again. _

_ I have woken up in thousands of nights just to cry myself back to sleep because you were only real in my dreams. _

_ I have suffered days of hangover because I would only forget about you when I’m drunk. _

_ I have tried everything to reduce the space you take up in my soul but that would mean killing me. _

_ I want you. _

_ I miss you. _

_ I love you. _

“Kar-” her mind forced her to say something to let Kara know that what she had said was false, but Kara beat her to it.

“Stop,” Kara raised one hand, firmly cutting off everything Lena wanted to say, “That’s enough. Just leave something so I can pay for the dry-cleaning and go.”

It was too late. Nothing could save the damage. Lena raised her white flag and pulled out the name card with her contact on it to put on the desk. “There you go. I’m leaving.” Kara had vocally kicked her out, the least she could do was following through, saving some of her dignity, if she had any left.

Yet there was something lingering in her mind that she couldn’t shake off ever since she saw the restaurant’s menu. It was something she wanted to know more because it reminded her of the night Kara had said she loved her.

“Just so you know, I’m happy you moved on and found a good life. I truly am.” She took a deep breath to prepare herself. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” the blonde answered without much thrill.

Lena steeled up herself, “The name of your special,  _ ‘With you until dawn’ _ , what does it mean?”

Her heart banged loudly, waiting for an answer. She didn’t know what she was expecting at the moment. Should it be like she was hoping? Or should it be just a random coincidence?

Kara only smirked smugly, spat challenges in her voice, “What do you think it means?”

She couldn’t help blushing as her brain recalled the memory of how the phrase came to life. They had been staying on Kara’s bed, naked and satisfied after making love. It was a happy moment for Lena, the night she usually returned to cool down the burning pain of reality that she could no longer experience such happiness again. “I-I don’t know.”

Kara’s cold eyes drifted up and down Lena, sending a wave of taunts towards her, “It’s so nostalgic to see you stutter in front of me, even with your clothes on.”

Lena winced in pain. It wasn’t the physical pain but emotional. Kara was turning Lena into some kind of dirty fantasy, and even after what she had done to Kara, she didn’t deserve to be treated like this.

No. Lena would not let Kara taint their memory with this new version of her. Kara was different now.

“Nevermind. I’m going now.” Lena left the battlefield, almost running away. She accepted defeat rather than seeing her pride, or what was left of it, being torn apart by Kara. But she didn’t want Kara to think she had the upper-hand. She said over her shoulder, “You seem changed.”

“Obviously,” Kara retorted quickly. She probably was so close to physically push Lena out of her sight.

“But if the name does mean what I think it is, you haven’t changed that much,” Lena finished off and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her sharply. She had done wrong to Kara, true, but if Kara thought it was the excuse to turn herself into an asshole, Lena wouldn’t allow that.

Lena was still in love with the blonde, even though she had changed. That affection hadn’t faltered after seven years, not even after what Kara had said earlier. Kara had healed her, therefore she could hurt her. Lena didn’t want to ask for more, she never did.

She hurriedly left the restaurant, not turning back even once. If she could leave Kara seven years ago, she could try her best to stay away from the blue eyes, the blond hair and the alluring tone of her voice.

Lena took a turn to find the familiar bus stop she always took on her way back to the office. She started eating at this restaurant without knowing it was Kara’s a few months ago when Jack and his new family came to visit. His new wife, Bianca, had something coming up unexpectedly so she couldn’t come, therefore Lena spent the dinner with Jack and their son. Bianca was the one to suggest the restaurant, according to her ‘they have the best steak and you’ve got to try the specialty’.

Lena was impressed with the view from the outside. Red roses were planted in the front, even the decoration was heavily affected by the texture of the rose petals. She had thought the owner of this place must love roses. Lena didn’t suspect a thing when she laid eyes on the special dish that was put on her side of the table.

It was a piece of steak, neatly cut into a little flower with hot sauce on the side. The creator of the dish must have thought about it carefully because when Lena poured the sauce on the steak, it looked exactly like a blossoming rose. The dessert coming along with it struck an enormous amount of familiarity in Lena because it was a heart-shaped pie made from buttercream with strawberries on it. There were fine and long twirls of chocolate lines hugging the pie, next to it was a little spoon full of crumbled almond. It was simple but Lena really loved it. Especially when it reminded her of the time where Kara and she were fooling around while baking a cake. She could still feel the raspiness when she accidentally spilled the chocolate batter on her chest and Kara had been eager to help her clean it up with her tongue.

It had been a year since Lena last met Jack and she was happy that he got married to Bianca eventually. She missed their wedding because she got sick during her trip to Japan to talk with a client of the company, though she still sent gifts. She was genuinely happy that her ex-husband finally got what he wanted and he also put on efforts in making peace with her two years after their divorce.

Their marriage had been a ticking time bomb, eating and killing both of them inside but they refused to acknowledge that.

Crosswords after crosswords, Lena began forming a strange friendship with the young gardener. Kara was there every day, except for the weekends, silently creating a mental anchor for Lena to know that there was another person with whom she could talk to. She knew Kara would listen. She just knew.

Lena had slowly paid more and more attention to Kara, the way the girl dressed, the way the girl walked, the way Kara scrunched her nose when teased, the way Kara laughed like she had no worries in the world, the way Kara stealing glances at Lena, thinking she wouldn’t notice. But Lena did.

Lena always noticed Kara.

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


_ “Kara, would you mind take off your shirt?” _

_ The way Kara reacted to Lena’s question was predictable because she knew how it sounded. She was surprised that she dared to demand such thing but the nearly falling off button on Kara’s shirt had been bugging her eyes for the past two weeks and Lena couldn’t believe she was able to look at it dangling mockingly that long before giving in to the urge of fixing it. _

_ “Wh-what?” a very flustered Kara answered. _

_ “Would you mind taking off your shirt?” she shamelessly repeated the question, “There’s a loose button that’s been driving me insane.” _

_ “Oh, there is?” Kara chuckled, checking her shirt. _

_ Lena kept a straight face, walking towards Kara from the porch while avoiding the plants. “Yes, on your left breast pocket.” She wouldn’t want Kara to know how long she had stared at the glimpse of cleavage Kara accidentally flashed her a few weeks ago and she couldn’t get rid of the image of the black bra hugging Kara’s fit and built naked upper-body. It wasn’t how she noticed the button but it certainly didn’t help her not to notice it. Lena decided she needed to take care of it soon before the fantasy became worse. “If you don’t mind, I’d love to sew it up for you.” _

_ The blonde took a step back as if she was afraid. “It’s not worth the trouble, Mrs. Spheer.” The gesture made Lena sad. Perhaps she had overstepped a boundary. _

_ “Oh, it is,” she explained herself, “I want to take care of family and friends whenever I can.” She tried to do that to Jack, but his clothes were always perfect and he never needed her help in anything. Lena was guilty to apply her desire to look after someone on Kara, but it wasn’t without a reason. “And you are my friend, Kara.” _

_ It might be a bold statement on her part, but to Lena, Kara was indeed a friend. Probably more, but Lena didn’t dare to think about that just yet. She simply enjoyed spending time with Kara and being with the blonde never made Lena feel lonely. She wondered if it was a result of Jack not being around or she truly craved Kara’s presence. _

_ It was clear to her, as the sense of self-conscious seeped deeply into her skin under Kara’s nonchalant gaze from the side while she was sewing the button back on the shirt. How did she know that? It might have nothing to do with the fact that she also stole glances at Kara from time to time. It might be just because she paid attention to Kara. A lot. _

_ But it meant nothing. Right? _

_ “Stop staring at me like that,” she said, pulling the needle away from the shirt, about to finish up the task. The wind was getting colder these days but it felt warmer sitting under Kara’s unbroken gaze. _

_ “Like what, Mrs. Spheer?” the blonde turned away, not being embarrassed for being caught. _

**_Like you realize I get nervous around you. Like you know your impact on me. Like your eyes were telling something I’m afraid to acknowledge._ ** _ “Like it’s fascinating watching me.” _

_ “You are fascinating, Mrs. Spheer.” The answer caught Lena off-guard. The needle stabbed into her finger but she barely felt anything. Kara’s eyes were waiting for her when she looked up, the genuine honesty and even innocence were lurking in the color blue. Kara was so straightforward with her words, Lena doubted there was ever an ounce of deception in her soul. _

_ “Tell me one thing that is actually fascinating about me, Kara,” she became curious to know how Kara saw her. _

_ The gardener smiled, her eyes drifted towards something around Lena’s face. Was she looking at her hair? Kara hummed, “The way you bundle your hair up every day. I could never pay enough attention to my hair that much.” _

_ So funny how Kara admired Lena at that. Meanwhile, hair wasn’t something Lena cared a lot about. In the moment of comfort, Lena accidentally slipped out a piece of her mind that she tended to keep it hidden in front of Kara. “Maybe you don’t have to. You already look as perfect as you are.” _

_ Kara froze her stare at Lena for a few seconds before burst out laughing. The embarrassment increased in Lena, alerting her that the girl found the compliment cheesy. Lena could have done better. She was very skillful in socializing. “Thank you,” the blonde said during her cackling. _

_ “What’s so funny?” she said, trying to hide her blush with biting off the thread, finishing fixing the button. _

_ “Nothing. I never think you would call me ‘perfect’. I mean, look at you!” Kara gestured her, “You have gorgeous hair, elegant clothes, beautiful face. You’re very kind and funny. You’re the whole package! There is  _ no _ way I’m the perfect one out of us.” _

_ Lena couldn’t help a smirk. “The whole package, huh?” The smirk grew wider when Kara blushed. “Nobody has ever called me that before.” _

_ “Um…” Kara grinned shyly, looking away, “it’s just a way to, you know,” she cleared her throat, “describe someone.” _

_ Lena giggled, slightly shaking her head. “That sounds good to me.” She looked into the kitchen and came up with an idea, “Since you’re here already, would you like a cup of coffee?” _

_ “You fixing my shirt is too much already, Mrs. Spheer, I can’t ask for more.” _

_ “Come on, Kara, you do justice on the roses every day. The least I can do is treating you well,” Lena stood up, handing the shirt to the blonde, “I’m going to make coffee now. If you change your mind, feel free to join me.” _

_ Kara hesitated but eventually stepped inside. Standing in a room with a tall girl like Kara, Lena felt smaller, but not intimidated. She felt safe. _

_ It happened naturally, the coffee drinking, the talking, chatting, teasing around. They forgot the time and went on and on with their stories. Lena learned that Kara wanted to go back to college and was trying to score scholarships. She admired that a lot, Kara had missing out due to the lack of financial support, and she still pursued her goal. _

_ It went from coffee to baking a cake, day by day, Lena couldn’t remember how it felt to be in the kitchen and do things on her own anymore. She had Kara now. During every break time, Kara would spend time with Lena, telling her jokes, helping her with the food, laughing with her. _

_ Lena wasn’t lonely. _

_ Lena was used to having Kara. Which meant she would be miserable without her. But she hadn’t learned that just yet. _

_ The only thing she began to realize was how much she wanted to spend more and more time with Kara. She didn’t care much if Jack was home or not. She no longer felt sorry for herself that her husband didn’t want to touch her. _

_ It was alarming, she knew, when she started developing physical craving for someone she always considered as ‘friend’ and not from her own spouse. Lena wasn’t dumb, she knew it was only the matter of time before she couldn’t stop herself or see things rationally anymore. She was old and married, Kara was young and ambitious, with future ahead of her. Not to mention, this affection was purely one-sided. _

_ So she did what she could to regain some sense into her head. She bought the most beautiful and charming coat, put on the sexiest lingerie and came to the hotel where Jack was staying. Lena had come here several times, to bring food and sometimes clothes for him but he told her he was fine and he didn’t need her help. _

_ He never did. _

_ Others might provide Jack food and clothes but there was something only Lena should be the provider. _

_ She stood in front of the door, rang the bell and waited. Jack opened it with a surprised look on his face. _

_ “Lena? What are you doing here?” _

_ She strolled in, didn’t need permission. “A wife comes to visit her husband, is that illegal now?” _

_ “Of course not,” Jack closed the door, on his other hand was a half-drunk bottle of water, “You seem different today.” _

_ “Am I? Probably because it’s a bit hot in here,” Lena turned around to face him and took a deep breath, then she opened the coat and let it fall on the floor. Jack’s eyes went from casual to surprised and then hungry in an instance. “That’s better.” _

_ Jack gulped in front of her, the bottle of water slowly moved down. “Lena, wow…” _

_ She smirked in confidence. Lena knew her advantages and how to use them. She stepped forward to give him a better view, “Well, what are you waiting for?” _

_ Jack threw the water bottle away and came for a kiss. He kissed with such force and hunger like never before, Lena never had to pull back to breathe before. It was new, to see Jack so engaging in intimacy with her and she had thought that this was right, this was how things were supposed to be. She should feel like this around her husband, not anyone else. _

_ They fell on the bed quickly and Jack laid on her, kissing her neck, his hands went everywhere they wanted. Lena was glad that she had saved their marriage until the moment her eyes caught a disturbing sight. _

_ The water bottle was thrown on the ground, it was spilling more and more liquid to the floor. The urge of grabbing a towel and clean that up surfed up inside Lena, rather than lust. _

_ “Jack, the bottle…” she said among the panting and kissing. _

_ “Leave it,” he replied, continued bringing his lips down to between her breasts. _

_ “It will get the carpet wet…” Lena gritted her teeth, trying to look away but the sound of the water oozing out of the bottle was deafening. She couldn’t ignore it. There was a towel right on the counter next to the bed. Lean reached to get it. _

_ “Who cares?” he grunted, pinning her hands down, stopping her. _

_ Lena shut her eyes, attempting to block the stupid concern about the water over her own husband on her but it didn’t leave her. It ran from head to toe, making her itch everywhere, rumbling under her skin and pulling her away from the act she should pay more attention to. “I do!” she pushed Jack away and yanked the towel to throw it at the water. The urge reduced dramatically as she watched the towel absorbing the liquid before it reached the carpet. Then she looked back at Jack and grinned, “Okay, let’s continue.” _

_ Jack gave her a cold stare. “Continue what? I said ‘leave it’, damn it, Lena. Why can’t you just stop caring about shits like spilled water a-and ripped pants for a second?” His voice got louder and his face was redder. Lena’s smile faltered. “This is why I can’t stand you.” _

_ She blinked, then let out a sad chuckle. “You can’t stand me?” _

_ “I can’t handle seeing you always making things to perfect and pretend like everything is so great while it’s not!” Jack walked away from the bed, crossing his arms. _

_ “It’s not?” she climbed off the bed, taking the coat because she suddenly felt much colder, “What is it? What did I do wrong?” _

_ “Don’t ask me what you already know,” Jack simply answered with a distant voice. _

_ Lena knew what he meant. The last thing he wanted from her yet they couldn’t achieve for years. “Jack, I’m trying to save this family. Please do the same for me.” _

_ “Family includes children.” The answer came so cold and rational, without any hint of affection in it. Lena felt like crying but she refused to let Jack see. She was tougher than this. _

_ She picked up the expensive coat to wrap her up and walked to the door. “Open it,” she demanded and Jack did what was asked. Lena left the hotel room with her head held high and she only came crashing down when she was at home, sitting on the sofa, with a bottle of wine. _

_ She drank as much as she could but somehow couldn’t get drunk. Was she being punished? For what crime? _

_ Lena thought about going upstairs to lay down but the sofa was so comfortable and she desperately needed comfort right now. _

_ The sky got darker and darker but she didn’t bother to turn on the lights. What was the point? She had been crying, her eyes were swollen and she was a sloppy mess. _

_ “Mrs. Spheer, are you okay?” _

_ The timid question coming from the doorway startled Lena and when she realized who had asked it, her heart was jumping for joy. Kara was standing there, fiddling the straw hat in her hands, looking at her with visible worries in her eyes. _

_ “If I say I’m okay, would you believe me?” Lena didn’t mean to sound so pathetic but who knew, she was allowed to be pathetic sometimes. _

_ Kara shook her head, coming closer. Lena already felt the urge to run to the tall blonde and cry. She needed those shoulders, those arms, and those lips. It was wrong but she didn’t care anymore. _

_ “Is there anything I can do for you?” Kara asked with concern and at that moment, Lena suddenly woke up from her daze of self-pity. It was Kara, kind-hearted and adorable Kara who got excited over chocolate cookies. It was Kara who was her only friend. It was Kara who was the only person who was with her at this moment. It was Kara. _

_ It was always her. _

_ She needed to know for sure. _

_ “A hug, please,” Lena shamelessly asked for a touch. A few hours ago, when she asked for it from Jack, it was planned. Now, her body knew it wanted it. _

_ “I-I’m dirty.” _

_ “I don’t care.” _

_ Kara stepped into her widespread arms after a moment. As soon as she was able to close the loop around Kara’s waist, Lena felt warmer. Not just because of the wine, or the heat of the body, but the sensed of being loved. A simple hug from Kara had made she feel so much happier and more satisfied than Jack’s eagerness to strip her off and fulfill his need. Lena knew, from that moment on, she was doomed. _

_ “Did something happen, Mrs. Spheer?” Kara asked, her voice rumbled in her chest and Lena even heard her heartbeat going fast. _

_ “Shh…” she cooed, try to have the moment last, “I’ll explain tomorrow. For now, please…” _

_ She fell asleep in Kara’s arms and didn’t wake up until she felt the sudden coldness against her back when Kara put her down on the bed. The blonde turned to the door, leaving a trail of warmth behind that Lena already missed. _

_ She got to her fert and ran after Kara, who was already at the stairs. _

_ “Wait!” she called. The blonde turned around, completely surprised. _

_ “Mrs. Spheer, you’re not sleeping?” Kara’s eyes opened wide and when they drifted down a bit, a blush crept onto her face. “Y-your clothes…” _

_ Lena looked down to see her lingerie was exposed. Hurriedly covering herself up in the coat, she couldn’t help her own embarrassment taking over her. Then she took a deep breath to look into Kara’s eyes and let the coat fall. The thud of the heavy material echoed under the roof, Kara’s mouth dropped along with it. “I need to ask you something.” _

_ “O-okay,” Kara looked away, gulping. _

_ Lena knew this was out of line but she had been long gone from sanity, now she followed her instinct. _

_ “Would you hug me again?” she stood still, waiting. _

_ Kara didn’t turn around, answered, “Mrs. Spheer, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” _

_ “I only need an answer,” Lena said, wanting to move forward but didn’t, “you could hug me before, why not now?” _

_ Kara inhaled sharply and turned to her, her eyes met with Lena’s. She expected the blonde to take a glance at her exposed body but not once, during her walk toward Lena, had Kara let her eyes drop. But Lena didn’t feel ashamed or disappointed. She felt treasured and protected. _

_ The gardener crouched down to pick up the coat and wrapped it around Lena’s shoulders. She let her do it until she was shielded by the giant clothing again. Then Kara looped her arms around Lena again. _

_ “Really?” she asked, not returning the gesture. _

_ “Yes. You’re upset, don’t do anything you might regret later.” The tone was low and warm, Lena sniffed in a noseful of Kara’s scent, along with the unmistakable smell of roses. “But you seem like you do need another hug.” _

_ She chuckled. In such a weird situation where she should feel like crap, Lena felt much better than the moment she walked out of Jack’s hotel room. “You’re such a gentlewoman, Kara. Be careful or I’ll swoon,” she teased half-heartedly. _

_ “I’m not-” Kara pulled back, blushing, “-a gentlewoman.” She stepped backward, taking in a deep breath. “You only say that because you don’t know what I’m thinking right now.” _

_ The implication made Lena’s face hot. The confidence to stand in front of Kara only in undergarments had gone missing. Now she was more exposed inside the coat than before. _

_ More self-conscious. _

_ And turned on. _

_ “That sounds like a tough crossword to solve. Any hint?” she smirked, lifting her chin. _

_ Kara chuckled and turned away, “Good night, Mrs. Spheer.” _

_ “Sweet dreams, Kara.” _

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lena hung the coat up and dropped the key down in the bowl placed next to the door. She still had fifteen minutes left from the lunch break and she needed to change her clothes. The stained dress was put separately in a bag for dry-cleaning. Lena quickly got herself into shirt and pants, grabbing the bag and headed back outside.

During the last year of her marriage, Lena decided to study accounting. It was a bit late to start at thirty years old but she didn’t give up. Kara had given her the motive, the inspiration to start over, even without the blonde by her side. After years and years of wasted youth, wasted time, Lena finally knew what it was like to earn money on her own.

She recalled the first night she returned home from work. Jack had been waiting for her at the door. Their relationship had become more and more friendly over the years, which was a good thing.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


_ “You look like you could use a nap,” he cheekily commented, sipping his tea. Lena had invited him in, a gesture of peace that they had created. Their divorce didn’t end messily, it was a fortunate thing for the both of them, if Lena had to say. They had a whole year of separation and Lena even came clean to him about having an affair. He had been angry and upset at first, but eventually, he came around. It took a very long time for them to act normal around each other without having a glitch involving their mess of a marriage. _

_ “You think?” she rolled her eyes, bringing the plate of microwaved spaghetti to the table, “I don't need a regular nap, I need an Aurora-standard of a nap to be human again.” She took in a huge twist of spaghetti into her mouth, grunting, “This is so good!” _

_ “It’s not good. I’ll bring you to this restaurant. They have excellent Italian dish.” Jack smiled, taking another sip of tea, “They have better tea too.” _

_ “I know it's not good but I’m too hungry to care,” she said with a spoonful of spaghetti, “And don’t insult my tea. Not in my house.” _

_ They both chuckled, then both sank into a comfortable silence. Jack got a piece of the napkin on the table and began folding it randomly, “I need to tell you something.” Lena hummed, encouraging him to continue. “I met someone.” _

_ She slammed a hand on the table, swallowing the bite and wiped off her mouth, “That's great! Tell me about her!” _

_ Jack gave Lena a brief description of Bianca, a single mom with a two-year-old boy. They met at a conference and instantly clicked. Lena noticed the way Jack talked about Bianca and her son, Jason, as if they were the most precious thing in the world. It warmed her heart. _

_ “I’m going to meet her parents this weekend,” Jack concluded. _

_ “Good luck,” Lena tapped on his shoulder, “They can't be worse than my mother, you’ll be fine.” _

_ Jack laughed and when his laughter died down, he gave her a serious look. “Thank you, and sorry, Lena.” _

_ She brought the plate and her cup to the sink, replying without looking back, “Sorry? What for?” _

_ “For what I did and said wrong during our marriage.” _

_ Lena turned around, sending him a sad smile. “It’s history, Jack.” _

_ “No,” he stood up, placing his cup into the sink as well, “I was selfish and cruel to you. And what I called you… it was out of line.” _

_ Lena shook her head, “If you cheat on someone, it's justified to be called a slut.” _

_ “No. Not in this case,” Jack admitted, grabbing her hands, “I was wrong for blaming you while all you do was trying to keep things together. We were both at fault, Lena.” _

_ She squeezed his fingers, “I understand. All is forgiven.” _

_ It was weird to actually become a friend with someone whom you didn't even know anything about during years of marriage with them. But it worked. In a magical way, they became friends. _

_ “Why don't you buy a house and live on the settlement from our divorce?” Jack asked before leaving, “You could live until you're two-hundred years old without having to work with that.” _

_ “I know, but I want to work,” she answered, giving him his coat. _

_ “You're so weird,” he commented, putting on the coat. _

_ “And you only find out that after eleven years of marriage?” she joked, crossing her arms, “You better investigate this Bianca closely, Jack.” _

_ He rolled his eyes, buttoning the coat. “Okay, I told you about my love life. You gotta tell me about yours.” _

_ The question struck something deep in her heart that made her eyes sting. Lena only muttered shortly, “There’s nothing new.” _

_ Jack paused his hands, staring at her. “Still? It’s been five years, Lena.” _

_ She knew that. Time didn't matter because to Lena, her heart already died that day, when she killed the light in Kara’s eyes and left a scar in her innocent soul forever. “And still counting.” _

_ A painful look flew past Jack’s eyes. He walked to her and wrapped her in a tight embrace. She sighed into the gesture and hugged him back. “You will get through this. You’ll find happiness like me.” _

_ His words made Lena's eyes teary. Not just because they came from her ex-husband but also because it stood for the understanding and friendship between them. “I think I lost my chance at it.” _

_ He pulled back, pinching her nose. “Don't be so dramatic. Everyone will have that chance.” He kissed her cheek goodbye and she waved him off. _

_ The thing was, Lena wasn't sure if she deserved that chance anymore. _

  
  
  
  


_ *** _

  
  
  
  


The rain was heavy.

Lena was soaking wet when she reached the bus station. Nobody else was around, probably because this side of the neighborhood was quite problematic, not as peaceful as the others.

She found the spot particularly calm. She could spend hours sitting here reading a book without worrying that she would miss the bus. There was only one route came to this station, it went straight to her apartment, which saved a lot of time and money, it also meant the ride would be more quiet and spacious.

Today wasn't as pleasant as the previous. Firstly, she got hot soup poured on, met Kara and got old memories surfing up. Secondly, she couldn't go to her favorite restaurant anymore because now she knew Kara owned and Kara hated her guts. Lastly, she was drowning in her own clothes in this freezing weather. It had to be the day she forgot the umbrella.

_ It’s only Wednesday. _

Lena hugged herself, trying to save some heat. Her teeth began to clash with each other. If only she had a hot cup of coffee right now…

There was a light coming. She thought it was her bus but turned out just a car. And it drove rather fast.

Lena didn’t have time to find a shelter before closing her eyes to brace for impact. The puddle of water next to the pavement went up all over her. Muttering a curse, she let out a sigh that formed smoke in front of her.

She needed a hot cup of coffee, a hot shower, and a nap immediately. If today was Friday, she would be able to sleep till next day’s noon but it sadly wasn’t.

_ Could this get any worse? _

Another light came toward the station. This time, Lena stood up and looked carefully through the heavy rain to see if it was her bus. It wasn’t. She would have hidden away from the incoming splash but since the pavement was pretty long without even a tree to hide behind. And she was already soaking wet.

_ What’s the point? _

Lena waited but the water never slapped her face again. The car halted in front of her, screeching the brake. It was a black Volvo, as far as Lena could tell.

The window rolled down and Lena heard a familiar voice, “Get in.”

_ Oh, crap, it does get worse. _

“Kara? What are you doing here?” she asked, nearly shouting because the rain was very loud.

“Me? What are  _ you _ doing here?” Kara crouched over the empty front seat to shout back.

“I’m waiting for the bus,” she answered, pointing at the left, “it will be here any minute!”

“You’re soaking wet! Get in the car, now!” The blonde pointed down at the seat.

Lena didn’t want to argue but she thought it was a bad idea to be in the same space with Kara again. Her heart couldn’t take that much pain in one day. “No, thank you. I can handle this.”

“Lena, don’t make me step out of the car,” the blonde warned.

“Or what?” she crossed her arms defiantly, “you won’t pay for my dry-cleaning?”

The window rolled up and Kara drove away. Lena hugged herself tighter, thinking it was for the best, to reduce as many interactions with Kara as possible. Safer for her own heart.

Suddenly the car returned, but this time on the other side of the road. Kara stepped out of the car and headed straight across the street towards Lena with an umbrella, her face was scrunching into a frown.

“Get. In. The. Car,” she demanded as soon as she reached this side of the road.

“I don’t like your tone,” she snapped back, “I don’t owe you anything to have to listen to you.”

Kara narrowed her eyes, then she sighed, a ball of smoke flowing out in front of her lips. “This is a very unsafe neighborhood. Just get in the fucking car!”

Lena knew it was an unsafe neighborhood, but she was not one to back down under a threat. “Say the magic word.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Get in the car,” she looked away, “please.”

Lena stood up. “See, it’s easy.” To be honest, she was freezing. She could keep up the carefree act so far just because she was intimidated by the idea of sharing a closed space with Kara again, this time even sitting rather close to her.

She got in the car and immediately searched for the heater. Hovering her hands over it, a wave of goosebumps rushed on her skin, bringing a rumble of shivers through her lips. “Brrrr....”

Kara slammed the car door shut, turning up the heater, growling, “The bus comes every thirty minutes. I just saw it at the end of the road. You’re going to sit there under the rain for thirty minutes, are you insane?”

Lena didn’t spare her a look. “Insane or not, it’s my business.”

“You…” Kara asked, starting the car, “where do you live?”

Only now she turned to the blonde, “Excuse me? Why do you want to know where I live?”

“To drive you home, what else?” she began pressing on the map, “Read the address.”

Lena shut her eyes, cursing her luck and said, “462 Gunther Street.”

Kara drove away, throwing a glance at Lena. “Why did you let yourself so wet?”

“I forgot my umbrella,” she answered, looking at the road.

The blonde chuckled, “That’s so you.”

Lena threw a glare at the blonde, “I didn’t get in the car to be judged.”

Kara raised a hand, smirking, “Fine.”

Suddenly, Lena realized something. They were talking, quite casually, to each other. It was totally different from when they were in the office. Kara seemed… less hostile. Lena wondered why.

“Hi, my name is Karen.”

The voice startled Lena. She twisted around to find a young and beautiful brunette in a red dress who was smiling at her. There was another person in the car?

“Um… hi, I’m Lena,” she replied awkwardly, “I’m sorry I didn’t see you there.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Karen waved her hand, “Kara seems to be busy.” Said blonde didn’t say anything, only kept quiet. “Very nice to meet you.Are you two friends?” asked Karen.

“No.” Lena was surprised when she heard the same answer coming from Kara as soon as she said it. She turned around to explain further, “We’re not friends.”

“Oh, I only assume because Kara insisted-”

“Karen, would you like to stay over at my place?” suddenly Kara cut the girl off.

“Sure,” Karen replied, and then everything went back to silence.

Lena wondered who was Karen to Kara. Friend? Girlfriend? Or  _ gosh, _ wife? But they didn’t wear rings, so Lena could cross the last guess off the list.

She knew she shouldn’t be curious but knowing Kara would touch, hold, kiss and make love with another person that wasn’t her, Lena couldn’t stop the flame of jealousy burning inside her. It was a reasonable thing because Kara moved on, she should be happy for her.

Yet deep down, she was crying.

Now Lena was sure there was only her holding on to the love that once saved her, then hurt her and now befriended her because the other half had gone to find another half of their own. It was only Lena left.

“Is it here?” Kara asked when the car stopped.

“Yes,” she answered without looking at the blonde. It was too much to see Kara’s face right now. It hurt so bad. “Thank you for driving me home.” She hurriedly got out of the car. “Nice to meet you, Karen. Good night, both of you.”

She closed the door and went straight to the elevator. She couldn’t trust herself with the stairs right now. She was running away.

Lena needed a cup of hot coffee, a hot shower, a nap and a whole lifetime to mourn.

She took off her clothes as soon as she closed the door of her apartment and headed for the bathroom.

Under the hot stream, a shiny little thing glowed occasionally when it caught the light. A necklace. Inside the pendant, a tiny rose with five petals formed in the shape of blossoming was solidified in amber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter more! Any idea how to close this story?


	3. Everyone deserves a second chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The price they both pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, phew! I don't have beta for this so there are going to be plenty of mistakes. I'll try to fix them later.
> 
> I don't own the characters.
> 
> Enjoy!

Kara didn’t want to care about Lena. She really didn’t.

 

She had planned to go out and have fun, probably get a girl so that a certain face with green eyes and black hair would stay out of her head. Going out with Maggie was a good choice and soon, she found a companion for the night.

 

The rain was quite heavy when she stepped out of the club, one arm around a girl’s shoulders. Her name was Karen, or Lauren something, the music was too loud for Kara to catch the exact word. She didn’t care much, as long as she could help her stop thinking about Lena for a while.

 

“Your place or my place?” Karen asked, beaming from the front seat.

 

“Your place,” Kara started the car, “I can drive myself home tomorrow.”

 

The ride was rather quiet and Kara silently followed the instruction from the girl, hoping to get under a roof soon because it was a cold day, the rain only made it worse.

 

When she stopped at a red light, a person walked across the street and Kara found her heart beating fast as soon as she recognized who that was.

 

_ Lena… _

 

At first she didn’t believe her eyes, but then the woman stood under a sign, her face illuminated clearly. Kara cursed her luck of seeing Lena everywhere and made a sharp turn as soon as the light was green. She didn’t want to get involved.

 

But then she heard the sound of the rain falling down on the car, nearly muting every sound surrounding it. Lena didn’t hold an umbrella.

 

Just like seven years ago, she tended to forget the umbrella whenever it was raining. It didn’t happen too many times but it was enough to create a pattern. It was also one of the flaws in the perfection Lena always tried to keep that Kara found so endearing.

 

Ironically, she still found it so, even after what happened.

 

Kara turned the car around the corner and couldn’t find Lena at the same spot again.

 

“Are you looking for something?” the girl sitting in the front seat asked, reminding Kara that she was having another person in the car.

 

“Um, yes. Would you mind sitting in the back so I can find it easier?” she demanded, then added, “I can’t see things clearly in this rain.”

 

“Okay.” The girl in red dress didn’t struggle when she climbed to the back.

 

Kara slowly drove the car along the pavement, a beat of worry began to pump in her chest. This was a bad neighborhood, Kara used to be robbed here a few years ago. What the heck Lena was doing in a neighborhood like this?

 

Then a car drove in the opposite direction, bringing more light to the road. Kara could only see Lena dripping in the splash of water after the car had gone by and couldn’t ignore the twist in her chest. Looking at Lena, wiping her face and hugging herself to keep herself warm.

 

She had changed so much from that woman who sat at the porch, sewing up Kara’s button. She didn’t seem untouchable but rather a normal woman with struggles and daily hardship. What had happened to her? How bad was the divorce? Why must she stay under the rain while she could have a private driver like before?

 

Kara had so many questions but she also didn’t know if she wanted the answers. The more she knew, the more she cared. The more she cared, the more it hurt her.

 

But her car still stopped at the bus station, the window still rolled down and she found herself telling Lena to get in.

 

“Kara? What are you doing here?” replied the woman, covering her eyes from the falling rain.

 

“Me? What are  _ you _ doing here?” Kara snapped back.

 

“I’m waiting for the bus,” Lena pointed towards behind Kara’s car, “it will be here any minute!”

 

Kara couldn’t believe this. Lena deliberately wanted to stay under the rain for the bus. She pointed at the seat and shouted, “You’re soaking wet! Get in the car, now!”

 

“No, thank you. I can handle this.”

 

_ Why are you so stubborn? Why are you still so stubborn? _

 

“Lena, don’t make me step out of the car,” Kara tried to make her threat sound scary but to be honest she couldn’t force Lena anything.

 

“Or what?” Lena crossed her arms, creating a quick image of the classy lady who sat in the expensive mansion seven years ago, “you won’t pay for my dry-cleaning?”

 

Kara heard her jaws snapped. She pressed the button to roll the window up and drove away.

 

_ Keep driving. She’s not worth it. _

 

_ She doesn’t want your help. _

 

_ She doesn’t need you. _

 

_ Just keep driving. _

 

No matter what she told herself, Kara knew for sure that the giant bus in front of her was the only bus coming through this neighborhood and the next one wouldn’t come after half an hour.

 

_ Fuck. _

 

She pulled the wheel to make a turn, stepping on the gas as hard as possible and came to a halt when she saw the bus stop again. Lena was hugging herself.

 

_ This idiot. _

 

She crouched down to get the umbrella she always prepared in the rack of the door and stepped out of the car. Opening the umbrella, she went across the street and this time she determined to get Lena’s soaking ass on her leather front seat. It would cost her some money to get it dry again but she just couldn’t leave the older woman like this.

 

“Get. In. The. Car,” she gritted her teeth.

 

Lena looked up. The rain water was dripping down from her hairline and her eyelashes, yet the challenge in her eyes was still present, not giving up. “I don’t like your tone. I don’t owe you anything to have to listen to you.”

 

Oh gosh… Kara sighed, “This is a very unsafe neighborhood.”  _ And I can’t stand seeing you unsafe. _ “Just get in the fucking car!”

 

“Say the magic word.”

 

Kara wanted to strangle this stubborn woman. “Get in the car,” she blinked several times, remembering a moment from the past that had a lot of similarity involving her begging Lena so she looked away and added, “please.”

 

Only now, Lena left the bus station. “See? It’s easy.”

 

They quickly got on the car. Just looking at the way Lena quickly reaching out for the heater, Kara knew damn sure that the older woman was indeed freezing, but she didn’t say anything about it. She wouldn’t risk Lena jumping off the car to get herself sick.

 

Instead, she acted like an adult and stated reasonable argument, “The bus comes every thirty minutes. I just saw it at the end of the road.” She turned the heat on higher. “You’re going to sit there under the rain for thirty minutes, are you insane?”

 

The woman dripping in water didn’t turn to her, answered casually, “Insane or not, it’s my business.”

 

“You…” she wanted to shout some senses but then she had the fear that Lena would ask why she cared and at the moment she couldn’t come up with an excuse to explain exactly that she didn’t care at all. So she went straight into the matter, “where do you live?”

 

Lena gave her a ludicrous look, “Excuse me? Why do you want to know where I live?”

 

“To drive you home, what else?” she busied herself with typing on the touchscreen to insert the directions because she didn’t want to explain  _ why _ she would drive Lena home. “Read the address.”

 

Lena hesitated but eventually answered, “462 Gunther Street.” Kara knew this place. It was among the cheap apartment block of Metropolis. Why would a rich woman like Lena live in a cheap apartment? Where was her fortune? Did Jack take it all? Did Jack know about them?

 

There were many mysteries she hadn’t discovered about Lena and in that moment, Kara realized Lena had changed a lot too. She was more snappy, less strict and couldn’t care about her look that much. Seven years ago, Lena would roll into the mud with her, but she wouldn’t let herself get dirty, or wet, or have any indication of imperfection. Lena only showed her imperfection around her. Now she let it shine.

 

“Why did you let yourself so wet?” she glanced at Lena, taking another look at the familiar woman who was unfamiliar to her.

 

“I forgot my umbrella.”

 

The answered got her chuckling. “That’s so you.”

 

The older woman frowned at her, “I didn’t get in the car to be judge.”

 

That was fair. But Kara couldn’t stop smiling. “Fine,” she raised a hand, leaving the woman be.

 

The ride was quiet again but Kara’s heart wasn’t. It beat so loudly that she thought she would have a heart attack. It was nothing, just a conversation. It wasn’t even a polite or friendly conversation, Lena looked like she wanted to jump out of the window. Yet Kara had fun.

 

She hadn’t had this type of fun for such a long time…

 

“Hi, my name is Karen.”

 

The voice from the backseat reminded Kara that, again, there was another person in the car. And she forgot the girl’s existence. Because of Lena. Why did she always let Lena take up so much of her mind?

 

“Um… hi, I’m Lena. I’m sorry I didn’t see you there.” Lena politely greeted the girl and Kara wondered what she thought of Kara having a girl already? Would she be upset? Would she care at all?

 

“Oh, it’s okay. Kara seems to be busy.” She mentally slapped herself for forgetting her own hook-up while busy paying attention to another person. “Very nice to meet you. Are you two friends?”

 

“No,” Kara answered, and her heart sank a bit when she realized Lena answered exactly the same.

 

“We’re not friends,” Lena even added to make it clear. Kara wasn’t happy about it, but what else could she say, they were indeed not friends.

 

“Oh, I only assume because Kara insisted-”

 

Just as when she noticed the girl was about to spill more information than necessary and Lena would take it as a sign that she still cared about her and be smug about it, Kara had to save herself, “Karen, would you like to stay over at my place?”

 

“Sure.”

 

After Karen’s answer, everything became awkwardly quiet. Kara didn’t know if it was enough for Lena to think that she and Karen were about to have sex tonight and waited to see some reaction, yet Lena didn’t say anything, only kept her hands together, not hovering above the heater anymore. She seemed to be deep in thinking.

 

Lena left the car quickly, too. Kara didn’t get a chance to say anything before Lena slamming the door. Through the window, she saw the older woman going to the elevator and press a button.

 

_ That’s it. My job is done. _

 

Kara should go. She should take Karen home and have sex with her. She should go on with the plan of Forgetting Her 101 she had created.

 

She should.

 

But she couldn’t. Instead, her eyes glued to the back of the woman, who was hugging herself again.

 

“You know, you should go talk to her,” Karen said from the backseat.

 

“What? No,” she replied.

 

“Go talk to your ex. You two clearly have a lot of unsolved business.”

 

Kara turned around to face Karen, “She’s not my ex.”

 

“Whatever you call each other.” Karen rolled her eyes, “I’m not going to hook up with someone who is emotionally unavailable, okay? It’s not good for you. You need to do that before starting with a new person.”

 

Kara sighed, “Talking? Really? Does that ever help?”

 

“Sometimes,” Karen shrugged, “I talked to my ex, too. If it ends, let it end for good.”

 

Kara decided that the other girl made sense. She had been strangling this shadow for years and maybe this was the sign of the universe, saying she should be front with Lena. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

 

“But before that, please take me home. I wouldn’t risk sitting here waiting while you go and have makeup sex up there.”

  
  
  
  


___________

  
  
  
  
  


Lena wrapped herself in the bathrobe, taking the hairdryer. It was much,  _ much _ better after a hot shower. There was still this shiver, running in her limbs, she couldn’t tell if it was the aftermath of the coldness or the heartbreak.

 

Should it be considered as a heartbreak anymore, when her heart had already shattered before?

 

She chuckled darkly to keep herself from crying. She had done it enough in the shower, a dry face would help her sleep better. Lena blew her hair, closing her eyes to get herself drown in the heat. The shiver didn’t leave her, though.

 

When she turned off the hair dryer to turn on some music from her phone, she heard knocking. Lena paused a bit to make sure that she got it right. Three knockings again.

 

Leaving the bathroom, she pulled the bathrobe to cover herself better and headed for the door.  _ Who would visit her this late? Jack? No, Jack is in London. _

 

She hooked the restraining chain and opened the door. “Who’s that?”

 

“Finally!” Kara’s voice on the other side made Lena surprised. Her eyes opened wider when she saw Kara crouching down to catch her breath.

 

“Kara, wh-what are you...?” she muttered, slamming the door shut to reopen it again full swing, “Why are you panting?”

 

“Why… the hell... would you… live… on the… 8th floor?” Kara placed a hand on the door frame, inhaling and exhaling constantly, a drip of sweat running down her temple. “Don’t you know... the higher you live, the tougher... it is to escape... in case of fire?”

 

Lena took a good look at the blonde and asked, “You ran all the way here? To find me? Why?”

 

Blue eyes met hers, a pool of strange emotions welling up in the color of the sky. Lena couldn’t tell what was being hidden behind them.

 

Kara stood up straight, taking in a long breath of air and said while looking directly at Lena, “I am a grown woman. I have my own life, career and they’re going wonderfully. I shouldn’t care about what happens to you or how you are doing.” She paused, sighing, then continued, “Or why are you waiting for the bus under the rain in this freezing weather alone. When I saw you earlier today, I told myself to go out, find a girl a hook up with her. Because you mean nothing to me right now. I shouldn’t care what you think of me, I shouldn’t care about you. I shouldn’t!”

 

Lena froze in front of her words. Kara was saying what she didn’t want to know but she couldn’t turn away. Her heart yearned for Kara, achingly waiting to hear something different. “No, you shouldn’t…” she muttered painfully, accepting the fact without a question.

 

“Then tell me why am I not at Karen’s house, but I’m here, in front of your door, talking nonsense after running from door to door?” Kara’s hand dropped to her thigh. The hostility wasn’t there anymore, only a mixture of something less angry.

 

Her eyes still bored at Lena, but they looked deeper, sadder and more vulnerable.

 

Like Lena.

 

So she thought of the only possible reply for the moment, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

 

Kara stared at her for a second before letting out a chuckle. “Sure.”

 

She pressed her back against the door to give Kara space. The blonde walked into the apartment, her height was now even more intimidating because Lena wasn’t wearing her heels. Closing the door, she gestured the couch, “Sit wherever you want, I’ll return in a bit.”

 

Lena hurriedly got into the bathroom to change into her normal clothes. She cursed herself for not preparing something better than sweatshirt and pants. If she had known Kara would be at her home, she would have picked out a dress. Lena knew that Kara hated her now, it didn’t mean she shouldn’t look a bit better in front of her. Her hair was still pretty wet so Lena let it be.

 

Returning to the living room, Lena found Kara standing near a shelf and reading something from a book she picked from it. The image was peaceful and soft, it ached her heart that was exactly what she wanted, even since seven years ago, to see Kara in the picture of her life, as fit as the last piece of the puzzle. But what was she thinking? She had tarnished the puzzle so bad, Kara would never want the same again.

 

She didn’t disturb the blonde, going straight to the kitchen and began making coffee. Lena didn’t know why or how but she was glad that Kara was here now. The exhaustion she had before had disappeared. Maybe she could have this kind of peace.

 

“Here you go,” she said, putting two cups down on the table. Kara turned around, putting the book back into its place and joined her on the opposite chair. “Be careful, it’s really hot.”

 

Kara smirked, bringing the cup closer to her. “I know that. You always make coffee super hot so that people would have more time to chat.”

 

Lena felt her face hot for being busted. Kara still remembered she usually forgot umbrellas, now this. It would be really hard for her to not imagining things, things like Kara still had a spot for her in her heart. But it was wishful thinking, she didn’t dare to dream too far. It hadn’t gotten her in the best spot the last time she let her heart wish.

 

“Aren’t you here to chat?” she replied casually, twirling the spoon in her hand, “Or are you here for something else?”

 

Kara’s smile faded awkwardly. The blonde wiped her nose, something Lena knew she only did when she was shy. It was indeed nostalgic to see a shy Kara, rather than the intimidating and sarcastic one. “I’m not really sure why I’m here. I guess chatting would be fine.”

 

“Okay,” Lena shrugged, tilting her head, “what do you want to chat about?”

 

Kara looked around and asked, “Why did you get divorce?”

 

Lena arched an eyebrow, “Go straight into the good stuff, don’t you?”

 

The blonde gave her a glance, then cast her eyes down at the cup of coffee, “I thought you loved him.”

 

“I did tell you that, didn’t I?” Lena mumbled, a wave of shame and regret came filling her soul.

 

“You made it quite clear, too,” Kara added, now staring at Lena again.

 

It brought them back to the night they parted ways, forever, they had thought.

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


_ Kara came to the mansion late at night, wearing her familiar jacket. Lena and she had planned to leave together. Lena would file divorce and Kara would provide her a place to stay during the time of the settlement. _

 

_ She was waiting outside the mansion, looking through the gates to see if Lena had come out or not. It was very cold outside, she wished that she had had a car so that Lena wouldn’t have to go to her apartment by late bus in this freezing weather. She blew air into her hands, cursing herself for forgetting the gloves in the hurry. What if Lena didn’t bring gloves either? _

 

_ Kara constantly checked the watch, and slowly, she got more and more nervous. This was nothing she had been taught to do. Running away with a married woman? It was homewrecker textbook material. _

 

_ But Lena wasn’t happy with Jack, and Kara loved her, she couldn’t see Lena being miserable in a marriage like a prison like this. _

 

_ She had planned it all, how she would use her saving money to pay for the extra cost with Lena living with her and how she would manage her newborn business in selling street food with her friends to provide both of them a good life. It would be difficult at first, but she had faith. And she had Lena. It would be just fine. _

 

_ Snow began to fall. Crap. _

 

_ Suddenly, she heard the sound of someone approaching. _

 

_ “Lena, over here!” she waved, not trying to make herself too loud. _

 

_ The older woman didn’t rush to her, kept on walking at a slow pace as if she was thinking. Lena was about to leave a life behind to start another, of course, there was a lot to think about. _

 

_ Lena got close to the gate, her eyes were puffy like she had been crying. Instantly getting worried, Kara reached for her face. “Lena, what happened?” _

 

_ “Kara, I can’t…” the older woman said, not looking into her eyes just yet. _

 

_ “Yes, you can. Open the gates and come with me.” Kara said and looked down on Lena’s hands, “Where are your bags?” _

 

_ Lena shook her head, “I can’t go.” _

 

_ Kara froze, then rubbed her thumbs on Lena’s cheeks, “It’s okay to be afraid. We’ll talk about this on the bus. Come on, we’ll be late.” _

 

_ “No.” Lena stepped back, pulling herself away from Kara’s reach. It shocked Kara because she really didn’t see that coming. “I’m not going with you.” _

 

_ “Lena, we talked about this,” Kara gripped the gates, trying to steel herself from the unexpected twist of events. What was going on? Then she saw the faint pink streaks on Lena’s cheek, fury rose up inside her. “What is that on your face?” _

 

_ Lena’s hand flew up to her left cheek, but on the contrary of the fear in Lena’s eyes, she answered, “Nothing.” _

 

_ “Don’t lie to me,” Kara grunted angrily, “Lena, did he hit you?” _

 

_ “It’s not what you think,” Lena pled, turning away, “Please go.” _

 

_ “Lena!” Kara called, not believing what was occurring in front of her eyes. “What happened? Open the gates!” _

 

_ “No, I won’t. I want you to go now.” Lena sounded distant and much colder as if she didn’t want anything to do with her. Kara heard her heart breaking but she couldn’t leave just yet. _

 

_ “Please tell me what’s wrong. We can fix it. Please, look at me.” Kara begged, reaching out to the air because Lena had already stepped backward, away from her. _

 

_ “Forget about me, Kara,” Lena advised coldy, “Go home and pretend like nothing happened.” _

 

_ “You mean us? How can you say that?” Kara felt tears forming in her eyes, “If you can’t go today, fine. We’ll go another day.” _

 

_ “No, Kara. I will not go with you, today, or tomorrow, or ever. There is no us.” _

 

_ Kara frowned, shaking her head. “There’s something wrong. Let me in, I’ll deal with Jack myself.” Lena didn’t move from her spot, only staring at her. “Fine, I’ll climb in.” She grabbed the gates and jumped up. _

 

_ “Stop! If you take another climb, I’ll call the police.” Lena glared at her, unfamiliar and estranged. _

 

_ Kara froze a bit before asking, “What are you doing, Lena? Why are you treating me like I’m a stranger?” _

 

_ “Because you are.” _

 

_ The answer was casual and calm. Kara had nothing else to do but dropping herself back on the ground. She looked at Lena, who was crossing her arms. “What is going on here? Are you breaking up with me?” _

 

_ Lena took a deep breath and said, “We have nothing to be broken over.” _

 

_ “Then what have we been doing for the last ten months?” Kara growled, gritting her teeth in frustration. _

 

_ “It was fun, but every party has to end.” _

 

_ “Fun?” she snapped, “It was all just fun to you? Lena, I love you.” _

 

_ “And I love my husband.” _

 

_ Kara blinked several times as if it could change what she heard. “What? Liar.” _

 

_ “Why do you think I marry him?” The older woman sighed, “What you think is love, it isn’t. What we did was wrong.” _

 

_ Tears started blurring Kara’s vision, she shook her head. “No, no, no. Don’t say that.” _

 

_ “I’m just telling you the truth.” _

 

_ How could this happen? Why was Lena so different? _

 

_ “Then tell me, what am I to you?” Kara said, letting out her choked voice because she no longer had the strength to be tough. She lifted her chin to stare into Lena’s eyes, “and be honest, this time.” _

 

_ Lena took a few seconds before saying what Kara didn’t want to hear the most, “You’re just a toy. A dumb toy that doesn’t know its place.” _

 

_ She shut her eyes, letting the tears fall. The truth was ugly, but she couldn’t not believe it. She had been warned about this, that her feelings for Lena were one-sided and one day she would have to wake up from the fantasy. _

 

_ “Fine,” she said, sniffing, “I should have seen this coming. But I didn’t, I guess that makes me really dumb.” _

 

_ Lena didn’t answer, it only made the pain in her chest worse. She didn’t mean anything to the woman she loved, nothing more than a tool to have fun, to distract herself from the problems of her marriage. _

 

_ “Before I go, just do me a favor,” Kara raised one finger, “if we ever meet again, don’t talk to me.” Her hand dropped and she made a bow, “Farewell, Mrs. Spheer.” _

 

_ She walked away, the freezing weather wrapped her up, curling the burn of heartbreak and sadness inside. Kara was a walking bomb, tears fell on her every step. Her hands were still shaking when she sat on the empty bus, staring blanking through the window, watching as the snow covering up her trail back to the mansion. _

 

_ The driver was confused when the young girl who sat alone on the bus bursting out crying like there was no tomorrow. He didn’t know that in her innocent and pure mind, it did seem like there was no tomorrow. _

  
  
  
  


_ *** _

  
  
  
  


“I’m sorry,” Lena spoke, cupping her cup of coffee, “It was bad.”

 

Kara stayed silent, then she sipped from the cup, letting out a sigh, “I don’t want to hear it.”

 

The jab at her heart grew. Kara didn’t want to forgive her, which was justified. Lena rubbed the cup, “Sorry.”

 

“Stop apologizing,” Kara spoke, looking at Lena, “even if you say it a billion times, it wouldn’t make me feel better. It’s been seven years, things changed.”

 

Lena smiled, shaking her head. “Some don’t. I doubt you actually want to talk to me.”

 

“I was angry. I hated you and blamed everything on you.” Kara tapped on the table, her slender fingers drew Lena’s attention, “I’m not childish anymore.”

 

“Are you still angry?” she timidly asked, “do you still hate me?”

 

Kara shrugged, chuckled in defeat, “I don’t know. That’s why I’m here to find out. You still haven’t answered me why you got the divorce.”

 

“Well… Jack and I still have differences that cannot be solved,” she reduced the explanation down. She didn’t want to repeat the complication of the last year being Mrs. Spheer to Kara. It was a dark time for her, to be honest, and she didn’t want to earn pity from Kara.

 

“Even when you were in love with him?” Kara asked, curiosity glowed in her eyes.

 

It was a blatant lie from Lena, but it was no point trying to explain it to Kara now. They needed to move on from the past. “Even so.”

 

“How about now? Are you still in love with him?”

 

Lena smiled, “No. He’s married now.”

 

Kara burst out laughing. It was heartwarming to hear the familiar sound again, Lena couldn’t help but giggling along. “Again? This dude doesn’t learn at all.”

 

“Hey, don’t say that.” Lena shook her head, cackling, “His new wife is much better than me.”

 

Kara’s laugh faded away, she took another sip of coffee and said, “Don’t give yourself too little credit. You’re not too bad.”

 

Lena looked down on her own cup, smiling, “You think so?”

 

“Still do.”

 

_ Uh oh… _ This sounded like a disaster coming and her heart couldn’t run away. Lena didn’t dare to look up because she knew she was blushing. The exact situation had gotten her and Kara tumbling out of their clothes seven years ago, now was replaying in her mind.

 

It started out simply, just like any other coffee break…

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


_ It was raining again. It had been raining for the past week. Lena honestly didn’t expect Kara to show up today because she would have to work under the rain, yet she came, bringing her sunshine smile again. _

 

_ “I’m thinking you only come to work for free coffee,” she teased the blonde, who was sitting on the opposite side of the table. _

 

_ Kara giggled, “Ah… busted. But who can blame me? Coffee is expensive, not to mention good coffee.” _

 

_ Lena clicked her tongue, “And I thought you liked my company.” _

 

_ “I do!” the younger girl had an obvious look on her face, “It’s just-” she raised the cup, “-this tastes really good.” _

 

_ “I can taste good too.” _

 

_ Lena cursed herself for slipping out such a blatant and unshameful flirt in the midst of casual fun with Kara, just because she had been dreaming about such dirty deeds for days. Kara would freak out. _

 

_ “You do, huh?” the blonde replied without a smile or a hint that she was joking. _

 

_ The seriousness in Kara’s voice made Lena feel hot. Much hotter than she should. She chuckled nervously and changed the topic, “So, you want to return to college next year?” _

 

_ “Ah, yes. I’ve been saving up for the first semester, then I’ll try to get a scholarship,” Kara dipped the spoon back into the cup, “You wouldn’t have to make coffee for me next year.” _

 

_ “Oh…” Lena realized that Kara meant to stop working at the mansion and this was only foreshadowing the departure, “I’d be sad.” _

 

_ “Don’t be,” Kara slightly shook her head, “I’ll come back to visit you.” _

 

_ The conversation went on, the next thing Lena knew was both of them sharing a bowl of ice cream. _

 

_ “Eating ice cream while it’s raining. The. Best,” Kara commented with a grin. _

 

_ “Why? Can’t we eat ice cream while it’s not?” Lena scooped a spoonful of ice cream and was about to put into her mouth when Kara pointed at the window. _

 

_ “Look, flying potstickers!” _

 

_ Lena didn’t suspect a thing. She turned away to see what Kara was talking about when she left a weight and a force against the spoon in her hand. When she turned around, Kara had just pulled back from stealing the scoop of ice cream from her spoon, an unapologetic smirk on her lips. “Hey! That’s mine!” _

 

_ “Izzchokolug” Kara explained her motive with a mouthful of food, shrugging innocently. _

 

_ “What?” she asked, frowning. _

 

_ “It’s chocolate,” the blonde grinned. A brown drip of cream still lingered on Kara’s lower lip. Before considering the situation clearly, Lena’s finger already wiped across the girl’s lip and was half-way into her own mouth. _

 

_ She froze in front of Kara’s surprised eyes. Lena tried to come up with an excuse and ended up using the one Kara had used, “It’s chocolate.” _

 

_ It happened. _

 

_ Lena didn’t think much when Kara’s lips met hers. The bowl of ice cream was left out of the existence of the universe around her. The only thing she cared about was the flavor of chocolate burning on her tongue when it twisted around Kara’s. Bodies slamming against each other, Lena quickly found herself being lifted onto the kitchen counter, legs spread with Kara standing between them. _

 

_ Her hands searched for the buttons on Kara’s shirt to undo them while Kara had already moved to her jawline, her earlobe. She gasped for air, fumbling with her fingers to feed in the urge to touch Kara with her bare fingertips. “Kara…” she called, pulling the blonde closer as humanly as possible. _

 

_ The blonde startled, she jerked herself back but still stood in Lena’s reach. Her eyes opened wide, blurred by lust but still glowed with shock. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t- I shouldn’t…” _

 

_ As soon as she felt Kara’s hips moving away from her, Lena locked her legs to hold the girl back. “Don’t think. Just kiss me.” _

 

_ “Mrs. Spheer…” Kara spoke, her hands rested next to Lena’s butt on the counter, not daring to touch. She gulped, visibly nervous. _

 

_ Lena took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. She knew this was wrong, but she also knew that she wanted Kara. So bad. The aching pulse between her legs only reduced when Kara was right in front of it. _

 

_ But no matter how much she wanted Kara, she couldn’t force her. _

 

_ “Y-you’re right. We shouldn’t…” she ran her hands on the exposed abs of the blonde, biting her lip, “but  _ God,  _ Kara, I really want you.” _

 

_ She heard Kara hitching a breath and looked up to find the blue eyes were swimming in desire. “I want you too, Lena.” _

 

_ It was the first time Kara had ever called her by her first name. It was an unsaid rule, a boundary to keep them both from each other. Now the boundary was crossed, all hell broke loose. _

 

_ She looped her hands around Kara’s neck and dragged her down for a searing kiss, not giving a damn about the fact that they were not in a private place. If anyone walked into the kitchen right now would understand immediately what was going on, and Lena could not make up any excuse for this. _

 

_ But Kara’s lips were against hers, her hands were on Lena’s skin and her abs were pressing at Lena’s heaving stomach, Lena suddenly couldn’t give a shit. _

 

_ And the funny thing was, she was fully aware of the melting ice cream dripping out of the bowl on the floor. It was a mess because they both dropped it. But then again, Kara’s hands were reaching for her breasts, why should she care about a stupid bowl of ice cream anyway? _

 

_ It didn’t take her long to be a puddle of mess around Kara’s hand, with her dress lifted up to her hips and her lipstick smudged all over Kara’s face. She never came that hard her entire life, and Kara barely did anything strongly. She just needed to touch Lena and she was long gone. _

 

_ “That… was… good,” she whispered into Kara’s ear, full of gratitude, “thank you.” _

 

_ Kara hummed, “I’m in trouble.” _

 

_ Lena lowered her hand to wrap around Kara’s wrist that was still between her thighs. “Deep trouble,” she said, pushing Kara’s hand a bit further into her suggestively, earning a gasp from the blonde. _

 

_ Kara pulled back to look into Lena’s eyes, shyly asked, “Does this mean I’m fired?” _

 

_ That got Lena burst out laughing. “No, Kara. You get a promotion.” _

 

_ “More coffee?” _

 

_ “More ‘coffee’.” _

  
  
  
  


_ *** _

  
  
  
  


They both stayed silent for a rather long minute before Lena had to say something, “Tell me about you. You own a freaking restaurant, that’s amazing.”

 

Kara smiled, seemingly proud of her accomplishment. She should, Lena thought, because Kara used to mention her dream to own a place to be the boss of her own. “I got help from my friends a lot because I had no idea how to run a business, only how to cook. I learn quick, that’s a good thing.”

 

“Yes, I know,” Lena remarked, hinting a bit about how she acknowledged Kara’s talent in learning by experiencing directly. They had spent hours to cook, to bake and enjoy the products afterward. “And your family, how are they?”

 

“They’re still the same. My sister, Alex, actually moved to live in National City three years ago.”

 

Lena’s heart beat faster when Kara mentioned her sister. Kara didn’t know this, but Lena had actually met Alex before. Their encounter had been one of the biggest secrets she could never tell because she made a promise.

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


_ Lena brought her hand to cover the burning left cheek, gawking at the woman in front of her in shock. This stranger came to find her and had just smacked across her face for no reason. The tall woman with a bob cut frowned at her angrily. _

 

_ “Why did you do that?” Lena asked, trying her best to stay calm in the living room. The maids were not around and Kara didn’t come until tonight, to bring Lena away. She really didn’t need to stir things up with anyone. _

 

_ “You deserve it,” the woman spat, “for seducing my sister!” _

 

_ “Your sister?” Lena repeated, then gasped, “You’re Kara’s sister?” _

 

_ “The name is Alex. What kind of charm did you use on Kara, huh? She’s throwing her future away because of you!” Kara’s sister shouted furiously, pointing at Lena’s face, “Kara is a kind and generous girl, I can’t stand it when I see how she’s being used to be your escape from a problematic marriage.” _

 

_ Lena blinked, stuttered, “Y-you… She’s not that. I’m not using her.” _

 

_ “That’s what you tell yourself.” The other woman chuckled with disgust, “You’re married, for God’s sake! Keep your hands off Kara!” _

 

_ “You said she’s throwing her future away. What do you mean?” _

 

_ “She refuses the scholarship and is starting a business on her own. She’s nineteen, what does she know about business? When I asked, Kara told me she got the encouragement from someone to take part in the food industry. It was you, wasn’t it?” _

 

_ Lena’s mouth dropped. She did tell Kara that she was a good cook and might have a shot in the cooking business. She didn’t think Kara would take her words so seriously. Oh, gosh, what had she done? College was Kara’s plan, and now she was truly throwing her life away. Because of Lena. _

 

_ “I didn’t mean-” _

 

_ “Save it. I know she’s coming to get you tonight.” Kara’s sister sighed, rubbing her temples, “Can you please not come with her?” _

 

_ Lena stood up from the sofa, “I told Kara that I would.” _

 

_ The other woman crossed her arms, looking down at Lena. “If you go with her, you’re making her a homewrecker, do you want that?” _

 

_ That got Lena thinking. Everything had been prepared, and no matter what lies she told herself, she was still a married woman and Kara would get such reputation if Lena left home with her. Lena shook her head. _

 

_ “Then do not go. I’m begging you, do not make my sister a homewrecker.” The pleading coming from the furious woman who had just slapped Lena so hard that the imprint of the fingers still burned on her skin made her think. This woman was only desperate and worried. _

 

_ Lena felt her heart shattered when she saw the only choice she had. “I won’t turn her into a homewrecker. I promise.” _

 

_ Alex stared at her for a moment and nodded. “Good.” She turned away. _

 

_ “Kara told me she loved me,” Lena said, catching the woman pausing on her track, “two weeks ago.” _

 

_ Alex said over her shoulder, “do you love her?” _

 

_ She gulped, answering truthfully, “I do.” _

 

_ “If you love Kara, do what’s best for her. My sister is a persistent one, she won’t give up if you turn her down gently.” _

 

_ It was the longest day of Lena’s life. In the course of twenty-four hours, she had come from the excitement of a life with Kara, the anxiety of trying to find a way to announce the divorce to Jack, to the utter fear of facing Kara and let her go. Perhaps, Alex was right. She only needed Kara to escape reality. But her heart knew it was more than that. _

 

_ And her heart was blind. Only her head was clear. _

 

_ Lena had to end their relationship, to save Kara’s future. _

  
  
  
  
  


_ *** _

  
  
  
  
  


“You’ve been to Japan?” Kara asked with a smile when Lena mentioned the reason why she couldn’t attend Jack and Bianca’s wedding. “How was it?” They had been talking about both of their lives, the missing years, the missing links of their circles. Kara didn’t even feel mad at all, she just got curious a lot about Lena’s seven years compared to hers.

 

“It was fun. My translator, Hiroshi, took me to a lot of fun places.” Lena recalled her time with a grin, “I even wore a kimono. I’ll show you the picture.” The older woman walked up to the shelf and pulled out a small album. Kara instinctively followed her into the living room, taking both of their cups along. Lena sat down on the couch and started finding the picture she wanted to show Kara.

 

She was about to sit right next to Lena when she realized they were not lovers nor friends, and she settled herself on the other of the sofa. Placing the cups down, she took the time to observe Lena again. She didn’t look that much different from seven years ago, only that the neat bun of hair had gone, she had her hair down today. Judging by the refreshing scent flowing out, Kara could tell that Lena had changed her shampoo choice. Kara remembered spending hours sniffing Lena’s hair while she was sleeping. Every minute she had spent with Lena, she treasured them all, even during her heartbreak and now. At the moment, she couldn’t deny that she felt happy. Happy to be around Lena, happy to talk to her, happy to know more about her.

 

She was still in such deep shit trouble.

 

“Here,” Lena pointed at a picture. Kara unconsciously scooted closer to take a better look and smiled.

 

“You had a great time there, didn’t you?” she commented, eyeing at a grinning Lena in a pink kimono, her arms wrapping around several Japanese women, under the colorful lights of a festival.

 

“Yeah…” Lena flipped the page and there were more pictures of her time in Japan. Kara saw a face appearing in the pictures along with Lena a lot. A cute Japanese girl. They seemed close.

 

“Who’s that?” she asked, trying to not let her jealousy on display, “The girl.”

 

“Oh…” Lena trailed off, a faint blush came onto her cheeks. Kara understood that reaction, and she shouldn’t feel bitter, but she did. It must be nice to be actually loved by Lena. “She was an intern in the company.”

 

Kara hummed and acted cool. “Do you still keep in touch with her?”

 

Lena turned to look at her, a cautious look glowed in her eyes. “Why? You like her?”

 

“Pfff, what?” Kara reacted a bit too much but it was only because she hadn’t seen Lena’s question coming. “I thought you liked her.”

 

Lena let out a smile, “It wasn’t like that. And no, I don’t keep in touch with her.”

 

Kara shrugged, “Yeah, I’m just asking.”

 

“I thought you were jealous for a moment.”

 

Lena’s casual comment made Kara sweat. The older woman might not notice, but she was indeed jealous. How could she not, when she seemed to not be able to let go and Lena was fine with moving on. It kicked up the anger in her. “Of course, I’m not jealous. I said I moved on.”

 

“Okay,” Lena nodded but Kara felt like she was convinced.

 

“I dated tons of girls,” she added firmly even though it was far from the truth.

 

Lena kept on nodding, “Sure, I don’t doubt that.”

 

“What about you?” she crossed her arms, waiting to hear Lena listing out her hook-ups.

 

The older woman smiled, closing the album. “That part of my life isn’t as exciting as yours, apparently. Only one.”

 

It didn’t make Kara feel better because one significant person meant much more than a thousand meaningless one-night-stands.

 

“And now?” she muttered a question.

 

Lena shook her head, standing up to put the album back to its place. When she turned around, a distinctive sadness seated in her eyes. “It didn’t end well. I-I rather not start talking about it.”

 

Kara cursed under her breath. Lena had broken her heart, made her taste the first misery of love, yet she couldn’t stop herself from feeling the pain she was feeling, couldn’t stop the urge to wipe off the sad look from her face. She cursed herself for stupidly caring about this woman in front of her. What would she gain from this anyway? They weren’t friends or lovers, only something above acquaintances.

 

“It’s getting late,” Kara stood up, fixing up her shirt, indicating that she should leave. Lena understood and brought the cups to the sink. Kara, again, followed her unconsciously until she saw that Lena was cleaning the cups alone, then she realized that she was no longer welcomed to washing dishes with Lena.

 

“I want to give you something,” Lena wiped her hands and walked up to the shelf again to take an old notebook. She handed it to Kara, smiling. “For you.”

 

“What is it?” Kara opened the notebook and immediately recognized baking ingredient names, “A cookbook?”

 

“Well, it’s not special and I learned the recipes all by heart. You own a restaurant so I think it would be more useful in your hands.”

 

_ No… Don’t do this to me. _

 

_ Why are you doing this? Why are you being nice to me? _

 

_ Why don’t you just kick me out of your life again? _

 

_ Why are you smiling? _

 

“What are you doing?” she muttered, lowering the book down, “what are you trying to do?”

 

Lena blinked several times as if she didn’t see that coming. Then she chuckled nervously, “What do you mean?”

 

“You don’t care about me. You never loved me. I was a toy to you,” Kara couldn’t say louder, not keeping her voice low like a whisper, “if you forget that, I can remind you. Why are you giving me this?”

 

“I just think…” Lena inhaled sharply, putting one hand on her neck. She was nervous. “Maybe we can start over.”

 

This stabbed right through Kara’s heart. “Start over? Where? Do we even have a starting point?”

 

“I’d love to try. I’d love to be your friend again.”

 

Kara took Lena’s hand and placed the cookbook back in it. “The thing is, I’d have to forgive you first.”

 

She left the door open after stepping out of the apartment.

 

She left Lena and her good intentions behind.

 

She left with a new heartbreak in her chest.

  
  
  
  
  


_______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Only a little while after Kara had left, could Lena breathe again.

 

She did it again, she hurt Kara again. What had she thought? Being friends with Kara again?

 

Kara hadn’t outright detested her, it was a blessing, now she was being greedy.

 

_ Wake up! _

 

_ She drove you home, doesn’t mean she forgives you. _

 

_ She walked into your home, doesn’t mean she enjoyed that. _

 

_ She wanted to know about your past, doesn’t mean she cared. _

 

Lena started coughing, and crying, and something in between.

 

She screwed up again.

 

She didn’t believe Jack’s words. Not everyone had the chance to be happy.

 

The shivers from the rain returned to her, now was more powerful than ever. It attacked her eyes, her nose, her head. Lena staggered aimlessly, grabbing blindly around for an anchor. The cookbook was still in her hand, rough and steady. She held it in her chest as she collapsed, losing consciousness.

 

Before drifting away, she still heard Kara’s voice echoing in her ears, calling out her name.

 

Then numbness.

  
  
  
  


_____________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Ugh…”

 

Lena’s entire body was so heavy and sore, she couldn’t feel anything at all for a few seconds after waking up. Eventually, she was able to turn to the left, reaching out to check her surroundings. Her hand touched the lamp, she fumbled a bit to turn it on.

 

Wincing hard before opening her eyes, the first thing Lena took in was her own bedroom. The window was closed and curtains were shut. What time was it?

 

She searched around the bed to find the phone but couldn’t so she tried to sit up, despite a back pain and heavy headache. Lena exhaled slowly and pulled herself up, then whining over the ache.

 

What happened?

 

She turned to the lamp again and caught a glass of water, a small pill on a small piece of paper. Lena took the pill and the note to read.

  
  
  


**_You have fever, take the aspirin and sleep._ **

**_Stop forgetting your umbrella, it’s raining season._ **

  
  
  


Tears appeared in her eyes again. This was Kara’s handwriting. Her thumbs slowly ran over the words and then brought them to her lips. She lost consciousness last night but she still remembered what had happened before that. Kara said clearly she didn’t forgive her, yet somehow she took care of Lena.

 

With trembling hands, Lena drank the pill, drinking in the touch of love that she knew Kara wouldn’t do if she didn’t have to, but she was grateful anyway.

 

No one had ever been there for her when she was sick. Her mother relied all on the doctors and let’s not start on Jack. After the divorce, Lena lived alone, and she had gone through sick days on her own too. Lena hadn’t dreamt of being taken care of by anyone, let alone Kara, the only person she expected to hate her to the core.

 

Life always had a way to surprise you. It could beat you up and still gave you a gift at the end of the day.

 

Kara was her gift. If life gave her this gift again, she would never dare to ruin it again.

 

She followed Kara’s instruction and quickly returned to her sleep with a rare smile of happiness on her lips.

  
  
  
  
  


________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kara paced left and right in front of Lena’s door.

 

She knew she needed to check on Lena to see if she was okay.

 

It got her heart heavy that if she hadn’t forgotten her jacket back in Lena’s apartment, she wouldn’t have returned and found Lena lying unconsciously on the floor. That moment when she thought someone had attacked Lena, her soul left her body. It was a real rush of fear running through her veins, bringing her to her knees.

 

Fortunately, Lena only had a fever, and Kara knew exactly why. This idiot had stayed under the rain for too long in wet clothes and cold weather. It was a surprise that she could stay conscious for so long.

 

Kara wondered if it was because of her presence that got Lena awake. Or maybe her rejection had caused Lena’s fainting. Or it was coincident. Or all of that.

 

She hadn’t stuck around for long because she guessed Lena wouldn’t want to see her face right after the bitter mention of the past. Looking at Lena after bringing her into the bedroom, Kara realized her eyes were puffy. Lena had cried again, and it weighed her heart.

 

If Kara was indeed a grown-up woman, she shouldn’t have lashed out about what had happened, she shouldn’t be so petty. Perhaps she didn’t grow as much she thought. Perhaps she turned back to that nineteen-year-old girl who was madly in love in front of Lena again.

 

Letting out a strained sigh, Kara looked at her hand. A box of chicken soup. And the key to Lena’s apartment. She shouldn’t have taken it, but she planned to visit the next day she was worried that Lena might not be up to open the door. It was an invasion of privacy, and she would apologize later.

 

Right after she found the guts the open the door.

 

Coming back after the dramatic walkout was embarrassing enough, it got scarier because she believed Lena would not tolerate her again. She had offered a peacemaker, and Kara didn’t even consider it.

 

Kara knocked on the door. Nobody answered. Taking the key was a right decision. She unlocked it and walked in.

 

“Lena?” she called, gently closing the door behind, “are you awake?”

 

She checked the bedroom and found that the said woman was still pretty deep in sleep. Good. She should take some rest.

 

Returning to the living room, Kara placed the chicken soup down and picked up the album from last night to take another look. Lena didn’t travel much besides her trip to Japan. Kara casually flipped the pages and paused when she caught a picture of Lena and a child. The boy was wearing a birthday hat, both of them were smiling with a cake in front of them. Kara guessed that the boy was Jack’s stepson, Jason.

 

Lena seemed happy. It was good to see her smiling brightly like that. It was probably hard for her after the divorce, Kara assumed because she had to give up the luxury living style and had to do everything on her own.

 

She flipped a few pages and found a small picture of a girl, who was definitely Lena, but she was much younger, about eighteen years old. She was standing next to a man in a wheelchair, who was bald and was also smiling. The resemblances between the two indicated that the man was Lena’s father. It struck Kara that Lena rarely spoke about her own family, she could only guess that she didn’t contact them anymore, but now seeing the picture, Kara realized there was a lot about Lena that she hadn’t learned yet. She hadn’t cared about that because she was blissfully in love, and she saw it now, that maybe that love was immature and still too young, not enough to carry everything a relationship would put on its shoulders.

 

Turning to glance at the bedroom, Kara wondered if that was the reason why Lena had broken them up. Was there anything else she hadn’t told her? Or was she trying to dig deep just to find a glimpse of hope that Lena had cared about her more than just a toy?

 

Kara couldn’t care, but she couldn’t  _ not _ care either.

 

_ Lena, what should I do with you? _

  
  
  
  
  


_____________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


Lena woke up again, this time her head was less heavy, though her body still felt twisted and stiff. Trying to open her eyes, she found that the sun had gone up and judging by the angle of the light, she must be super late for work.

 

“Oh, crap,” she cursed and hurriedly climbed out of the bed. Her feet got tangled up in the blanket and she fell down with a loud thud, “Shit!”

 

Wincing in pain, Lena turned around and gripped the edge of the counter to stand up, hopping on one leg. The sharp pain in her right shin was throbbing terribly, It hurt so bad Lena felt tears coming out of her eyes. “Fuck me,” she said.”

 

“Well, that’s familiar.”

 

The voice startled her, she quickly looked to the side and found a smirking Kara looking down at her. Lena froze for a second before muttering, “Kara? You’re not supposed to be here.”

 

The blonde only crouched down to collect the blanket and untangled it from Lena’s legs, the smirk stayed on her lips. “Good morning to you too,” she said.

 

“Um, good morning. I didn’t- what are you- why are you here?” Lena looked around, “What happened?”

 

Kara reached out to press the back of her hand against Lena’s forehead, then her own and shrugged, “You had a fever. It’s better now but I suggest you stay in for the day.”

 

Lena brought her hand to her forehead as an instinct. “Okay… But why are you here?”

 

Kara folded the blanket while Lena got to her feet. “Just come with me,” the blonde said afterward.

 

Still not having the full idea, Lena followed hot on Kara’s heels, hopping occasionally because of the pain in her leg. Kara gestured her to sit down at the table and brought out a bowl of steamy soup.

 

“Chicken soup?” Lena asked after taking a whiff.

 

“Uh huh, the classic,” Kara gave her a spoon, “Don’t let it get cold.”

 

Lena quietly ate the soup, stealthily checking Kara’s movements. It was incredibly strange that Kara showed up at her house, acting like they didn’t have a little strike last night and Kara hadn’t left like she wanted to escape. Now the blonde was sitting across the table, reading the magazine casually.

 

Suddenly, Kara looked up from the paper and caught Lena’s eyes. Startled, she quickly took a huge gulp from the soup and almost burned her tongue. “You okay?” Kara asked when she saw Lena coughing harshly.

 

Lena nodded, kept on eating the soup. It was weird, but also calming to be with Kara. To be taken care of by her was unreal because she had dreamt about this numerous of times. It was actually happening.

 

“You’re quiet today,” Kara remarked when she collected the bowl, “Didn’t like the soup?”

 

“No, no, no, I loved it, it was delicious.” Lena drank the juice from the glass Kara had just given her.

 

“Then what’s the problem?” the blonde began washing the bowl. Her movement was quick and determine, Lena decided not to say anything about it.

 

“I’m just confused,” she stated, “Were you here from last night because as I recall, you walked out on me?”

 

“I did,” Kara answered without looking back.

 

“Did you leave the aspirin and the glass of water by my bed?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Lena frowned, “How did that happen?”

 

The blonde turned around, carrying the towel with her to wipe the hands. “I forgot my jacket and returned, then found you on the floor with a burning fever. It wasn’t too hard to deal with that.”

 

“Thank you,” she said, hugging herself, “But why?”

 

“And you expect me to leave you like that?” Kara chuckled humorlessly, “I’m not heartless.”

 

She shook her head, “I didn’t mean that. I’m talking about today. Why are you here now? You made it clear that you didn’t want anything to do with me.” She gestured the sink, “Why chicken soup? Why paying attention to my fever? You hate me.”

 

Kara’s hands froze for a second before they put the towel back to the rack. She faced Lena, fingers fiddling with themselves. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. Starting over. Being friends.”

 

_ Oh… _

 

“...and?” she nervously prompted.

 

“And it isn’t a bad idea.”

 

Lena let out a relieved sigh. She honestly thought she would have to go through the second rejection, though more gentle. “I’m glad.” She gulped. “What about you haven’t forgiven me yet?”

 

“Listen,” Kara pulled a chair and sat down, “I’m not even sure if being your friend would be a good idea but I feel like I would regret it if I don’t give this a chance.”

 

It was a good start. Even if Kara didn’t forgive her, she wouldn’t hate the idea of letting her in.

 

Lena sensed the sting in her eyes, but she didn’t want to bring any down note to this moment of happiness, so she smiled. “Great. What do you suggest we do first? As friends.”

 

The blonde checked the watch. “Well, I don’t have to be at the restaurant until 1p.m.”

 

That reminded Lena of her own job. “Crap, I’m late for work!”

 

“Don’t worry, just take a day off,” Kara advised, “The fever isn’t gone yet.”

 

Lena called Jess, her boss’ secretary and signed up for a sick day while Kara waited for her in the living room. Luckily that Lena had never taken a sick day before so she was quickly granted a wish of recovery from the lovely woman.

 

“Okay, I’m off. What do we do?”

 

Kara sent her a grin.

  
  
  
  


_____________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


“Eight people?” Lena gasped in surprise, “in the same room? How did you manage to breathe?” The older woman strolled along the fruit lane and picked out some apples to put in the cart.

 

“I had to,” Kara pushed the cart, taking another box of grape, “Morning routine was a nightmare.”

 

They had been talking about Kara’s time when she was struggling to build a business ever since they stepped into the supermarket. She enjoyed this a lot, going shopping with Lena, laughing with her and just forgetting about the mess of their past for her own sake. If this was the easier way to deal with having Lena around, why shouldn’t she do it?

 

Returning to Lena’s apartment, Kara told Lena to stay on the couch and rest while she, as a restaurant owner, prepared a meal that was good and healthy for a sick person. Then she joined the brunette on the couch, watching a rom-com on TV.

 

They didn’t speak much, silently let the time go by. Kara sat far from Lena because it would be weird to suddenly sit close to the woman.

 

“Hey, sorry for taking this without asking,” she said and gave Lena the key.

 

Lena took it with a small smile. “It’s fine. It would be worse if I was unconscious here with an open door. Thank you again.”

 

She hummed, returning to the screen. “I’m curious.”

 

“About what?” Lena asked from the other end of the couch.

 

“What makes you  _ you _ ?” Kara glanced to the side to find Lena was looking at her, “How your family is like, your greatest fear, your worst nightmare, things like that. Friends stuff.”

 

Lena smiled, tugging the corner of the blanket wrapping around her, “That’s deep. And I’m curious about you, too. I mean, it’s been seven years, you’re clearly changed.”

 

Lena had said that once, then implied that the statement might be wrong. Kara couldn’t help but test her reaction. “I chose that name for my special dish because I couldn’t come up with anything else. It’s not what you think.”

 

Lena tilted her head, her eyes glanced somewhere at Kara’s face but not her eyes. “Thanks for the clarification.”

 

They stayed quiet again. Kara’s eyes dropped to Lena’s hand on the couch and for a moment, she wondered what would happen if she took it and held it in her hand. Was it as soft as it used to be? And warm? Smell like lavender and vanilla?

 

She looked at Lena’s neck, eyeing the ivory part of flesh exposed under layers of clothes. What if she snuggled her nose there? Would Lena shiver like she used to? Would Lena pull her in? Or would Lena slap her?

 

So many memories about their intimacy came back to her at once, vivid like reality. How should she deal with such temptation? If it was seven years ago, she would have given in to her desire. But it was different now. She was different.

 

“What’s on your mind?” Lena quietly asked. The movie was playing the after credit, a soft song was humming in the background.

 

“What would have happened if we didn’t meet?” she said, running fingers through her hair and let her head rest on the palm, “What if we hadn’t been in each other’s life?”

 

“I don’t know, Kara,” Lena sighed, “I’m done with ‘what if’s a long time ago. But if I can do-over something, I would-”

 

The doorbell interrupted Lena. Kara was waiting to know if what Lena wanted to do over was something about her. Or perhaps another thing. She knew it sounded pathetic, clinging to a slim hope that Lena was not the person she posed to be on that fateful night. Everything didn’t seem right, especially at the moment, when Lena still had that lonesome look and a hint of nostalgia dyed in the color of forest.

 

“I’ll get it,” Kara stood up and headed for the door. She opened it with a greet, “Hello?”

 

A slim man was standing in front of her, surprised and nervous. “Um… you’re not Lena.”

 

“No. Who are you?” she asked, crossing her arms.

 

“I’m Trevor, Lena’s neighbor. I live next door.” He raised something shiny, “I’m returning this to her.” It was a pizza cutter.

 

“Thanks,” she was about to take the cutter but Trevor pulled away.

 

“Who are you? Why are you at Lena’s apartment?” he narrowed his eyes at her.

 

“I’m her-” Kara realized she could only say one word in this situation, “-friend.”

 

“Who’s that? Oh, Trevor, hi!” Lena said from behind Kara. She was smiling brightly. Kara turned to look at the guy, who was also grinning, blushing from ear to ear.

 

“Lena, I’m giving you back the pizza cutter. Thank you so much!” Trevor completely ignored Kara and reached past he, shamelessly walked into the apartment and began chatting with Lena. “You’re such a lifesaver!”

 

Kara huffed, observed the interaction between the two. Lena didn’t show anything besides the basic courtesy, but Trevor was indeed smitten with Lena. Kara didn’t need proof besides Trevor looking exactly like herself seven years ago, looking at Lena like she was the candlelight in the winter night.

 

Silently taking the jacket, Kara stepped out of the apartment. The bitterness and ache inside her body were not healthy for her to be around Lena and her admirer. It only deepened the fact that she was still not over the woman, which was what she didn’t want to face.

 

“Kara, you’re leaving?” Lena called after her, “It’s not 1p.m yet.”

 

“Well, I have to come a bit early, you know, traffic,” Kara found herself making up excuses as she put on the jacket, avoiding looking at Lena.

 

The older woman walked out of the apartment, in bare feet, asking, “Will you come back again?”

 

Kara turned to her and found a pair of puppy green eyes.  _ Ah, sucks. _ “Sure.”

 

Lena’s smile stayed in her mind long after the elevator doors had closed. And she unconsciously copied the gesture throughout the entire day.

 

Siobhan commented that she seemed happier. Kara shrugged it off. With a grin.

 

Maybe Siobhan was right.

 

Kara didn’t care, to be honest, when she returned to Lena’s apartment that night and spent the time to binge watch a tv show on Lena’s couch, she laughed with Lena, had dinner together and told each other dumb jokes.

 

Late that night, when Kara was laying cozily on her bed, wrapped in the blanket, she still had that grin on her face.

 

Kara turned on the phone and contemplated the screen for a while before began typing.

 

_ ‘How are you feeling?’ _

 

Nervously waiting for the first text to be replied, Kara wondered if she had sounded casual enough, but not too casual because that was what friends did. Right?

 

The phone chimmed. Kara snatched it open.

 

**_‘Much better. I think I can go to work tomorrow. Magical chicken soup.’_ **

 

_ ‘Don’t push yourself. My chicken soup can only offer that much magic.’ _

 

**_‘Too bad. I really liked it. Should I get sick again just to have you cooked it for me?’_ **

 

_ ‘First time is free. The second time comes with a price.’ _

 

**_‘Aren’t we friends? How about a discount?_ **

 

_ ‘Sorry, no bargain. I feel insulted that you asked for a discount on my magical chicken soup.’ _

 

**_‘I am a regular customer at your restaurant, I deserve to have a discount.’_ **

 

_ ‘Fair enough. Get well soon and come again, then we’ll discuss.’ _

 

Kara smirked and sent another text.

 

_ ‘For now, go to sleep.’ _

 

**_‘Yes, ma’am.’_ **

 

_ ‘Good night, Lena.’ _

 

**_‘Sweet dreams, Kara.’_ **

  
  
  
  


______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


It had been three months since Lena met Kara again, and it had been also three months since their relationship was re-established as friendship.

 

Lena had never felt happier. It was something she was not used to, and when she experienced it, she couldn’t believe it was actually happening. She had Kara in her life again. She got to talk to her, make her laugh and spend time with her. They had gone out for brunch, lunch, and dinner. She had visited Kara’s house, joined her in the kitchen to help her practicing a new recipe.

 

Everything was going amazingly great.

 

Except for one thing: Lena was still madly in love with Kara.

 

At first, she had thought that she could tone her own feelings down so that her second chance with Kara would not be tarnished. Then she noticed her urge to touch Kara, to be close to her and to take care of her began to rise. Lena would stand a bit too close to Kara, stare a bit too long at Kara, giggle a bit uncontrollably when Kara teased her.

 

Lena couldn’t let Kara know. This friendship was fragile as it was, she didn’t need another slip up to ruin it. This was her sole string of happiness. Her last chance.

 

Kara made it hard for her. So hard.

 

Such as now, when Lena reached out to turn off the television, she caught a sight that brought a smile to her lips. Kara was curling up in her spot on the couch, eyes closed, sleeping soundlessly like a baby. The blanket was only covering up to her knees.

 

Pressing a sigh, Lena stood up and pulled the hem of the blanket with adorable giraffe pictures on it up to Kara’s neck. Then she crouched down and observed the blonde. These eyes, these cheeks, and these lips were so close, but still so far away.

 

She wanted to place a kiss on Kara’s lips, but it would be the last kiss.

 

She wanted to wrap her arms around Kara, but she could only save it for her dreams.

 

She wanted to bring happiness to Kara like she had done to her, but it wouldn’t mean the same anymore.

 

There was one thing she could do.

 

“With you,” she whispered to the sleeping woman, “till the end.”

  
  
  
  
  


____________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


The end came sooner than Lena had expected.

 

It was only a beautiful day with the sun shining bright, nature was calm and peaceful, even the traffic was less hectic for a Monday. It felt like nothing could go wrong.

 

She should have known it was the recipe for disaster.

 

It was the sixth time Kara spent the night at her place. The blonde had a cute habit of falling asleep if she had drunken warm milk before watching movies. It was something Lena had suspected and when it turned out correct, she couldn’t help but feel ecstatic for finding out something that had nothing to do with their past relationship. She made it a personal goal, to build a new foundation with Kara, as a friend, or more, if she was fortunate enough. So far, she hoped that Kara would forgive her for her past actions. Maybe she would from there.

 

“Mor-” Kara’s greeting was cut off with a yawn, making Lena smile, “-ning. I fell asleep again last night.” The blonde walked into the bathroom, her hair was disheveled and her eyes still had the hint of sleepiness. So adorable.

 

Lena hummed as an answer because she was in the middle of brushing her teeth. She paused her hand to give Kara a brush, the same that she had prepared for her from her previous sleepovers. Taking it with a grin, Kara started brushing her teeth.

 

After finishing her own routine, Lena applied some lotion on her hands. “You know, I’d have to charge you for rent this month.”

 

Kara chuckled, spitting out the cream and washed her mouth. “Hey, I’ve only crashed your couch like four times.”

 

“Six,” Lena corrected the blonde, smugly crossing her arms, “it’s nearly a week.”

 

“And you’ve stayed at my place, too.” Kara pouted, “How come only I get charged?”

 

She laughed, shaking her head, “Kara, it’s a joke. Do you really think I’d charge you for staying here? I’m happy that you’re here.”

 

“Really?” the pout on Kara’s face melted into a grin, her cheeks flushed. For a second, Lena imagined that Kara became shy. She was only telling the truth.

 

“Yeah, I don’t normally have visitors that stay over,” Lena grabbed the comb and began combing her hair.

 

“Your family?” Kara leaned her hips against the sink, watching Lena.

 

“I haven’t talked to my mother since the divorce,” she honestly shared. To say that her mother was furious when she told her about the divorce was an understatement. Not to mention that Luthor Corp had been divided into two parts, and Lena had given the bigger part to Jack. He was a good leader for the company, and Jack wanted Lena to join him with the board but she thought she still had a lot to learn if she was to be in charge of anything. He told her that he would help her and she had been thinking about it for the past months. Lena hadn’t decided anything just yet. “She wasn’t really happy that the greatest son-in-law is no longer her daughter’s husband. I don’t blame her for being disappointed.”

 

“Hey, don’t say that.” Kara moved to stand closer to her, still leaning against the sink, “She’ll come around.”

 

Lena chuckled humorlessly, “It’s been years, Kara.”

 

“Look at us,” the blonde stepped to stand behind her, placing two palms on Lena’s shoulder to keep her staring in the mirror. Lena smiled at the reflection, Kara grinning widely at her. “I thought it was impossible but here we are.”

 

She reached to touch the blonde’s hand, squeezing lightly. “Yeah…” Time seemed to freeze and Lena sensed Kara moving closer to her. The tingling rush ran on her skin when she felt the warmth from the other woman pressing from behind, the hot breathing on her ear. In this very moment, she forgot her rational thinking and only wanted to turn around to kiss Kara.

 

_ But I can’t. _

 

“It’s late, I should go,” Kara shortly said and walked away. Just when Kara’s warmth left her, Lena felt a slight force at her neck, coming along with Kara’s yell. “Ouch, ouch, ouch!”

 

Kara’s hair got caught at something on Lena’s shirt, which yanked her back. “Wait, I’ll get it off. Come here.”

 

Kara returned to the previous spot.

 

She carefully pulled the button that got Kara’s hair got tangled up. The blonde silently stood next to her, waiting. After a few twists, Lena successfully untangled the mess and smiled at Kara, “There you go.” But Kara was staring at her with a strange look in her eyes. It was a half-frowning, half-shock face that got Lena worried. “What’s wrong, Kara? Are you still hurt?”

 

The blonde stepped back and pointed at her neck, “What is that?”

 

Lena looked down and cursed herself. The pendant made from rose petals and amber was dangling between the swell of her chest. When she lifted her head, the odd look on Kara’s face had turned to a hurt and angry one. “Kara…”

 

“Why do you still have it?” Kara grunted, the frown deepened.

 

Lena needed to come up with something, but no matter what, it was only the truth that could explain. Her heart raced in her chest, wrapped in the cold sweat of being caught red-handed with obvious proof. “I never throw it away.”

 

“Why not?” Kara’s voice became colder and colder like she didn’t want to hear any word from Lena ever again. “You don’t deserve it.”

 

Lena’s hands fiddled nervously, “Because I love you.”

 

She had never seen Kara so furious. The blonde laughed maniacally, shaking her head, “I don’t know what kind of game you are playing but just stop. I gave it to the woman I loved, not to you liar.”

 

“I’m not lying, please trust me.”

 

“Trust?” Kara raised her voice but then sighed as if she was trying to hide a yell, “Why should I trust you? You didn’t love me and now you do? Be consistent and pick one, damn it, Lena! I thought this-” Kara gestured between them, “-meant something to you. Starting over? Being friends? All bullshit!”

 

“No, Kara.” Tears fell on Lena’s face but Kara had already turned around and left the bathroom. She tried to follow but her feet got weaker after every step. “Please let me explain!”

 

“Tell someone who cares, I’m leaving. Never speak to me again, this time I mean it” was the last thing Kara spat before slamming the door shut.

 

And there she went, taking the very last shred of hope Lena had left inside.

 

_ It’s over. It’s really over. _

 

Lena couldn’t stop crying during her process to get dressed and ready to work. Her face was a mess and her hands were shaking. She left the apartment without any energy left in her body.

 

The necklace that was always around her neck suddenly became heavier and heavier, suffocating her. It weighed with her shame, her guilt and her lies in the effort of trying to do right, yet things always ended up in a dump.

 

Lena followed her habit and walked to the bus station. Kara was no longer her ride to work anymore. She should get used to it from now on. Lena couldn’t blame Kara for being mad, after all, it was all her fault for lying, a lie that was born seven years ago now had returned to haunt her.

 

Second chance? It was for everyone but not her.

 

She sighed, letting the warm wind dry her tears. The pendant and necklace rested in her left palm.

 

_ Kara is right. I don’t deserve this. _ She thought as she looked down on her hand.  _ I never will. _

  
  
  
  
  


_______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kara had been pacing left and right in her office for a while, her heart was still beating so fast.

 

She couldn’t believe what had just happened just twenty minutes ago.

 

The necklace she had made for Lena, it appeared in front of her eyes again, mocking her. Then Lena said she loved her.

 

It was her dream. But why was she so angry? She didn’t know exactly what she was feeling at the moment, only a giant kick to the guts.

 

She didn’t know what to believe. Lena of seven years ago or Lena now? What was the truth? Perhaps it stayed inside that pendant. Perhaps it was the way Lena cried out her name. Perhaps it was in her touch.

 

Or perhaps it was a huge ass game again.

 

Should she trust Lena?

 

Her head said no but her heart screamed yes. She didn’t want to be that girl who was blindly in love and believed everything Lena said. She also didn’t want to be an overly skeptical person who left out something important.

 

The hurt in Lena’s eyes when Kara yelled at her.  _ Fuck, I was an asshole. _

 

The guilt weighed down her heart. It came along with something even worse. Like she had indeed left out something.

 

But what was it?

 

She sat down, taking a deep breath and reconsider everything. Why would Lena keep the necklace if she only saw Kara as a toy? Why would she offer friendship at all?

 

Kara had accepted it without thinking deeply into the reason why. She had only thought for herself. What if Lena had lied? Seven years ago, what if it was a lie?

 

How Lena had begged for explanation, fuck, Kara should have taken a deep breath and listen. She seemed desperate. How could Kara let her anger cloud her judgment? It was the perfect opportunity for them to solve what was left from seven years ago. All of the questions and mysteries could have been solved.

 

_ I need to talk to her. _

 

It was embarrassing to think so after telling Lena to not speak to her ever again. She had said that seven years ago and look how that turned out for her. She still craved Lena like a bee craved the honey. She was still in love with her, foolishly hoping that Lena felt the same. Now Lena had said she loved her, and she walked away.

 

How could she be so dumb?

 

Rushing out of the office, Kara grabbed her jacket and told Siobhan to take charge for a moment. But everyone in her kitchen was gathering in front of the television, pouring out their attention at the news.

 

**_“...the crash had instantly killed three people. The injured were being brought to the hospital. We’re waiting for the police report on the real cause but most suspect that the bus lost its brake before slamming directly at the bus stop on Gunther Street…”_ **

 

_ Gunther Street. Where Lena lives. _

 

Kara pushed everyone over to take a closer look at the accident location. The image on the screen brought cold sweat to her skin. She knew the place.

 

It was the bus stop where Lena always sat and waited for her morning bus. To take her to work.

 

“NO!” she shouted and immediately dashed out of the kitchen, ignoring the curious look from others. Hurriedly getting on the car, she fumbled with the car key, cursing loudly when her hands trembled so hard to function. Finally got her useless hands to work, she stepped on the gas and bolted right to Gunther Street, passing two red lights and came to a screeching halt near the crowd where people were gathering, journalists and police officers were also there, trying to close the scene and scooped a shot.

 

“Let me through!” she shouted, pushing her way to the crash, “There’s someone I know!”

 

“Ma’am, please step back,” said the officer with a stern frown.

 

“Officer, please, I have to find Lena,” she pledged, shaking from head to toe, “She’s important to me.”

 

The tall man said, “Everyone on the bus has been brought to Metro Hospital Centre, ma’am, there’s no one here.”

 

“No, sh-she’s not on the bus. She waits for it.” As the words came out of her mouth, Kara already sensed a bad feeling creeping into her chest but she stubbornly pushed it aside, hoping that it wasn’t the truth.

 

The stern look on the officer’s face turned to surprised and then sad. “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but only the passengers on the bus survived the crash.”

 

She shook her head vigorously, “No, no, no, no, no. There must be a mistake! She sits right there to wait for her bus, and I’m supposed to take her to work today. Please, I ha-have to take her to work. I’m supposed to take Lena to work today!” She shouted something more but the officer had held her back, someone around her was also trying to stop her from charging right at the scene. She didn’t know what she was doing but she couldn’t feel anything else. “I’m begging you, please let me take her to work. I have to tell her I’m sorry! She needs to hear me, she needs to know I’m sorry! She needs to know I’m in love with her, please!” Kara choked on her breath, on her tears, and on her own regret. “She can’t… she can’t die. She can’t…”

  
  
  


///

  
  
  


Somehow Kara was able to return to the restaurant. The officer had offered her a ride home but she couldn’t bear the thought of being anywhere without Lena, so the restaurant was the only place she could think of. She still needed to tell the others that she wouldn’t be able to work today.

 

“I’m really sorry,” said the officer when Kara got out of the car, “is there anything I can do? If you want to identify your friend, come to the station.”

 

She shook her head. “No, thank you. I-I think I shouldn’t…”

 

The middle-aged man nodded and drove away.

 

Kara took a look around her. She was standing in front of the backdoor to her restaurant, a very familiar spot to her, yet it was something she absolutely couldn’t recognize.

 

The sky seemed horribly blue today. The cars were horribly loud today. The stores were ugly and everything was twisted. Even her clothes were ugly.

 

Her hands hadn’t stopped trembling, she turned the door knob and stepped in.

 

“Kara! Where have you been?” Siobhan worriedly asked right after she walked into the kitchen. “I’ve been trying to reach you for an hour!”

 

“Not now, Siobhan. I need a break,” she said without looking at the manager, heading straight to her office.

 

“Lady Table 16 is looking for you.”

 

The title made Kara stop on her track. She turned around, glaring at the other woman. “What did you say?”

 

Siobhan pointed at the doors. “She’s looking for you and she’s hysterical. I told her to wait for you in the office but she insisted that she shouldn’t-”

 

Kara left the kitchen as quickly as possible, pushing the doors away with a bang. Her eyes immediately went to table 16 and her entire world stopped.

 

Lena was standing there, with her puffy eyes due to crying, in her long coat and her hair tied into a ponytail. Kara stared at her, couldn’t believe her own eyes, still thinking that she was only seeing things.

 

“Kara, I’m  _ so _ sorry. You don’t want to speak to me, fine, just listen. I was wrong for not telling you about the necklace,” Lena spoke, her voice was a bit hoarse and her eyes were still wet, “And you’re right, I don’t deserve it. I shouldn’t have it. About starting over and being friends, it was my attempt to have you back in my life, and you have every right to be angry.” Kara started walking to Lena, who appeared to be more real and more nervous. “I just- I just want to tell you that what I said this morning was true but you don’t have to worry about it. I will never disturb you again. I will stay away from you forever, just like you wa-” Kara cut her off with a squeezing hug, her hand wrapped around Lena’s back and head, finally had the confirmation that Lena was still alive. “...Kara?” asked Lena.

 

“Do you have any idea how freaked out I was?” she whispered, shaking from relief and fear, but also from excitement and happiness. Lena was real, Lena was breathing and alive. “I thought I could never see you again.”

 

The older woman gingerly responded, “I thought you wanted that.”

 

“No, I didn’t. I was stupid and angry. But mostly stupid.” She pulled back to look into Lena’s eyes, not letting her go. “I saw the news about the crash and my world crumbled when I thought you were dead.”

 

“Crash? What crash?” Lena’s eyes opened wide.

 

“At the station where you always wait for the morning bus.”

 

Lena gasped. “Oh no.”

 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Kara smiled in relief.

 

“I-I left the station to come here. I needed to return you the necklace,” Lena raised her hand, the silver string dangled in front of her wrist.

 

“Don’t, keep it. Forget whatever I said this morning.” Kara crouched down a little so her eyes would be at the same level as Lena’s. “I want to hear everything you need to say, but not about leaving me again, okay?”

 

Lena nodded, seemingly dumbfounded by the amount of information Kara had just dumped on her.

 

“Would you two just kiss and find a room?” A customer said. Kara looked around and mentally slapped herself because she completely forgot about everyone ever since she saw Lena.

 

“Yes, take it elsewhere. We’re trying to eat here,” said another customer.

 

They settled in Kara’s office quickly and Kara pressed the button to lock the door, just in case someone came in and interrupt their conversation again.

 

Lena sat down on the chair, the necklace was still in her hand. Kara walked to her and sat on her heels in front of the brunette. “Lena, I’m listening.”

 

The older woman gazed down at her. Kara felt like such an asshole for making her cry so hard, her eyes were bloodshot red. “Are you still mad at me?”

 

Shaking her head, Kara grabbed Lena’s hands. “No. I can’t remember why right now.”

 

“I broke your heart, and I told you I loved you,” Lena muttered with a sad frown. “I lied to you and I’m a horrible human being.”

 

“Is that true?” she asked, tilting her head, “Did you love me?”

 

“I did,” Lena’s voice broke once again like she was about to cry, but she didn’t, “and I still do. That one person in my heart has always been you.”

 

Kara believed her. This time, it was no blind trust. She had her proof, she had her faith. Her head and her heart both agreed with it. So she decided to tell the truth as well. “Good. I have something to confess.” Lena nodded, waiting. “I lied, too. I didn’t move on. I couldn’t. There were no tons of girls I dated. I thought I outgrew my feelings for you, Lena. I’m a hypocrite for being mad at you because you keep the necklace while I still have that poem on the handkerchief you wrote me. I’m nothing but a stubborn dumbass.”

 

Lena’s hand found her face, wrapped gently on her cheek, and she leaned against it. “I love that dumbass.”

 

“That dumbass loves you very much, too.” Kara craned her neck and waited for Lena. Their lips met finally, after a moment of hesitation. Then fireworks exploded. Every struggle, every frustration, and hunger collided into a core of passion pulled their bodies together.

 

It went from a chaste kiss of reconciliation to an open-mouthed, eager and thirsty kiss that pulled Lena’s coat down to the floor, Kara’s jacket followed suit. She pushed her lips against Lena so that the other woman had to stumble backward and her hips immediately met the edge of her desk. Her hands quickly brought Lena up to sit on it while she pressed her hips in between Lena’s thighs.

 

_ Just like old times. _

 

Lena always tried to find a way to strip her shirt off. She panted as her eyes followed the brunette’s hands, skillfully unbuttoning as fast as possible to see her bare skin. But that was not where she wanted Lena’s hands to be right now.

 

She took the woman’s wrists, earning a gasp, and placed them on the edge of the desk, right next to Lena’s thighs. Keeping the eye contact, Kara slowly unbuttoning Lena’s pants. Hearing the whimper of impatience from the older woman, she smirked, still panting, “It’d be easier if you were wearing a skirt.”

 

“You still like to tease,” Lena said through her heaving breath, “Glad to see something doesn’t change.”

 

Kara slid one hand into the woman’s pants, the other pulled down the zipper to give her a better access and angle. “There is something else that doesn’t change,” she warned and calmly entering Lena, still holding the stare. She watched as Lena’s mouth dropped to form a silent ‘o’, it grew bigger when her fingers reached deeper inside the wet folds. Knowing exactly what Lena liked, Kara steadily moved her hand. In and out. In and out. Then faster. Lena’s hands left the desk to grip her shoulders. Kara quickened the pace. In. Out. In. Out.

 

Lena moaned out her name, broken and desperate for more. More did Kara give. Faster.

 

She bit Lena’s earlobe when she sensed the twitching around her fingers, earning a louder cry from the half-naked woman and a train of satisfied meaningless words from the woman. Lena clung to her like she clung onto dear life, exhausted but of course, pleased. They stayed with Lena’s arms around Kara’s neck and Kara’s fingers still inside Lena for a while, letting the heated moment pass by and senses returning to their minds.

 

“...that was… unexpected,” Lena said breathily and Kara laughed.

 

“Nothing can be expected with us, I guess,” she pulled her head back to see Lena’s face, all flustered and glowing. Everyone could easily tell that was an after-sex face. “I think it’s time to be serious.”

 

“Oh really?” Lena smirked, “said the woman whose fingers are still inside me.”

 

“Details,” she shrugged, leaning forward to kiss Lena, “do you want to go out with me?”

 

“Like a date?” Lena grinned, running her hands through Kara’s hair.

 

“Like a date.”

 

“Okay.”

  
  
  


________________________________

  
  
  
  


If everyone in Kara’s kitchen could tell what they had done in the office that day, Kara was glad that no one said anything.

 

Except for Siobhan. That girl always teased Kara when she had the chance.

  
  
  
  


_____________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Alex Danvers was speechless when Kara introduced Lena to the family.

 

But her shock didn’t hold a candle to Jack Spheer’s. Lena’s ex-husband always thought the mysterious person in Lena’s story was the tall male gardener named James Olsen.

 

Only then, Jack knew that Bianca’s gaydar was much better than his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think this ending is good for the story? Does anyone have any other idea? What do you think about the story so far?
> 
> This story is actually personal to me, so I'm thrilled writing it.
> 
> See you next time!
> 
> P/s: Okay I read the comments and just like you guys, I do think the confrontation between Alex, Lena and Kara is necessary. So I'm leaving the chapter on, probably getting back to this story later.


	4. Life is too short

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret from seven years ago was discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, finished.
> 
> Not beta-ed. It's 00:21 and I'm trying to have my eyes open.
> 
> None of the characters is mine, only the mistakes are, which I'll fix later.
> 
> Enjoy!

Could it be possible for one to be so happy they could die?

 

Lena hadn’t believed such thing until she experienced it herself.

 

Dating Kara officially, what a dream! She got to text Kara until 1 a.m, listen to her voice before sleeping, go to the cinema with Kara, hold her hand while walking on the street. They went out on dates, almost everyday, as if they were trying to make up for lost time. Seven years of pining after only one person, Lena understood the struggle of not being able to move on and even though she didn’t want anyone, especially Kara, to go through such experience, she was glad that their feelings were still the same.

 

The morning came, lazily brought the warmth through the window into the room. Lena quietly let her bare back be heated softly. The blanket wrapped around her was slowly moving to the right, where she was turning her face to, and she knew exactly what caused the movement.

 

“Don’t even think about it,” she warned, not opening her eyes just yet. The movement stopped and a source of heat appeared right in front of her face. She could sensed the breathing of that person.

 

“You stole my blanket,” accused Kara sleepily, bringing a smile to Lena’s lips, “Give it back, thief.”

 

Lena rolled herself so that she would be wrapped further into the material. “There is only one blanket, how is it yours?” she argued.

 

“Because it’s my house?” Kara laughed and scooted closer to yank back the blanket. “Come on, I’m freezing!”

 

“I’m naked!” Lena reasoned, then opened her eyes to find that Kara had already sat up and gazed down at her with a smirk.

 

“That kind of reasoning isn’t going to help you at all.”

 

Cold hands snuck up on her and Lena shrieked out of being tickled as well as being startled. The laugh became louder and louder, Lena twisted left and right, trying to avoid the merciless but sweet torture from her girlfriend. “S-stop! You’re… killing me!” she said through the cackling.

 

Kara’s hands didn’t stop, they poked at Lena’s ribs, kicking out even worse waves of tickles. “Surrender, you thief, and I shall show you mercy!” she declared.

 

It was tempting to give in and give Kara what she wanted, but if Lena learned something from their time together, it was not giving in too soon, Kara would get cocky. So she hooked her legs around the girl’s hips and locked her neck with both arms. The blonde seemed surprised but she let herself be trapped and stared down at Lena with a gleam of mischief in her eyes. “You surrender first,” she teased, twirling the hair on Kara’s neck, an act that Lena knew for sure would turn the blonde on rapidly.

 

The smug face on Kara’s face turned into a provoked one, she pressed her hands next to Lena’s head. “Or what?,” the blonde’s eyes trailed down at her lips, and Lena licked them, just to drive her younger girlfriend a little bit more crazy.

 

“Or I’ll kiss you…,” Lena couldn’t stop the grin, one of her hand traced a line from Kara’s neck down to her collarbone, then to the gentle swell of her left breast, right at the rim of her bra, “...right…,” her hand slid south and shoved slowly into Kara’s cotton shorts, cupping on the warmth between the girl’s thighs, “...here.” With the other hand still stirring Kara up on the nape of her neck, Lena could tell the wheels turning in Kara’s head were having troubles functioning. The wetness on her fingertips was the obvious proof for that.

 

Kara took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as if she was in pain. Her tongue swiped across the lips. “That’s cheap, Lena,” she whispered, moving her hips against Lena’s hand, encouraging an intrusion, “you want to play dirty?”

 

Lena arch an eyebrow, circling a finger around Kara’s bud. The blonde above her let out a soft whimper, closing her eyes to enjoy the sensation. Then she shot them open again, burning with lust. “You make it sound scary. Remember, make love, not war.”

 

Kara crouched down to kiss her. It was a slow and lazy touch, almost like a peck. Lena smiled into the kiss and lowered her legs. The blonde seemed to get where she was going and moved to straddle her, while deepening the kiss. Lena opened her mouth to have Kara inside, at the same time invaded her girlfriend’s sex with two fingers, massaging the wet folds. A low groan was heard from deep inside Kara’s throat, alerting Lena that she needed more.

 

Not in this position.

 

“Down,” she said and Kara switched, bringing her on top. She laughed a bit, then the sound was muffled when Kara pulled her down to continue their kiss.

 

_ Someone is needy. _

 

Kara always became bolder, more daring and more obedient when she was horny, it was a fact. Lena had mentioned this before but the blonde always denied. She grinned at the sight of her girlfriend, with her hair scattering on the pillow, chest heaving with anticipation. Kara’s hands rested on Lena’s back, pulling her closer, desperately wanting her.

 

Before such a crucial demand, who was Lena to refuse?

 

She gave Kara what she wanted, despite she was the naked one on the bed. Kara’s legs wrapped around her, craving more and more friction, the moaning half-escaped, half-stuck between their lips. When Lena added another finger to the intrusion, Kara’s back arched up, her mouth began losing the cooperation in the kiss, letting out more and more incomprehensible sounds, with Lena’s name got lost among them.

 

“Call my name, beautiful,” she encouraged when she felt Kara squeezing her thighs around her wrist. She was close, so close.

 

“...Lena, yes, Lena!” Kara dug her fingers in Lena’s back, twisting and hardening her body, clinging onto Lena like she was about to drown.

 

“I got you, I got you,” she whispered in the blonde’s ear, kept on massaging inside the girl to help her cool down from climax. Hot breath flew into her ear as she placed gentle kisses along the blonde’s neck, then shoulder and collarbone. She loved it whenever she got the chance to make Kara exhausted this way because of the vulnerable look in the dazed blue eyes reminded her so much of their once upon a time relationship, it was taboo but also exciting. It reminded her of her younger self, too. What had gone wrong and what had happened, she remembered them all, to keep herself in a zone of morality so that such thing wouldn’t happen again.

 

Kara was her lifetime lesson, lifetime treasure, the only thing that she cared about more than her own life.

 

“Mhmm…” she hummed knowingly when she sensed cold fingers began trailing along her body again, “...yes?” Lena was still on top of Kara, resting her head in the crook of her neck and had cleaned up her hand to wrap around the younger girl lazily. Kara was always warm, despite having cold hands for some reasons. She just enjoyed the moment so much.

 

“I love you,” Kara said, kissing her head. The confession again made Lena smile. She had heard it over and over for the past five months of their time together as an official couple, yet it never seemed to stop making her feel special like the first time she heard it, seven years ago.

 

“I love you, too,” Lena replied, roaming her hands slowly along the side of the blonde.

  
  
  


_____________________________________

  
  
  
  


Their morning didn’t always start out like that, one of them usually had to wake up sooner and got prepared for their job. Today was an exception because they had an event to attend to.

 

A family dinner at Kara’s mother’s.

 

When the blonde told Lena about it, she had thought she was joking. Then she realized Kara meant it, dead serious.

 

_ “I want to introduce you to my family.” _

 

How could she turn that down?

 

What made a dinner more scary than meeting someone who practically opposed their relationship from the very start? Lena didn’t know if Alex had known about them, and she was afraid that things might end badly.

 

“Have you told your family about us?” she asked hugging Kara from behind when the blonde was fixing her hair in front of the mirror. They had dressed up nicely and were getting ready for a three-hour-trip to Midvale.

 

“I told them what they need to know,” Kara turned around and looped her arms around her waist, lovingly gazing down at her. “That you are my girlfriend.”

 

Lena tilted her head to a side, thinking about how she should approach the thing she wanted to ask. She knew the nature of their relationship was love but their starting point still nagged at the back of her head. It would definitely cause a wedge between her and Kara’s family if they knew about how she met Kara.

 

“Your family would ask questions like ‘ _ what do you find in each other _ ’, ‘ _ what is our song _ ’,” Lena paused, waiting for Kara’s full attention, “‘ _ how did we meet _ ’,” she prompted, worries filled in her chest.

 

Blue eyes flickered something that was similar to the gleam Lena always found in Kara. Protectiveness. “We met at my restaurant.”

 

“You know that’s not the truth,” she traced her fingers along the collar of Kara’s shirt, not looking into the bright eyes that would weaken her knees, “I don’t want you to lie.”

 

Lifting her chin with one finger, Kara met her eyes. “It doesn’t matter how we met.”

 

Her mind recalled the way Kara’s sister stared at her with hatred and disgust. The slap, it still burned on her skin, like the proof of how wrong they used to be. “What if it does?”

 

Kara sighed longingly. She loosened the embrace and stepped back to sit down on the chair next to their bags. “Does it bother you, that we don’t tell others how we actually met?”

 

Lena walked up to her and sat on the arm of the chair. “It only bothers me that we have to lie.”

 

“Well, if it bothers you, I’m going to tell my family.”

 

“Wait, tell them what?”

 

“The truth.”

 

The way Kara said it so easily, like she had no worries that their past would be the game changer of her family’s impression on her. “Aren’t you worried that they would be against you and me?”

 

Kara nudged her face at Lena’s side, making her heart melt into a puddle. “They’re my family, they have to be supportive of my happiness.” She looked up at Lena, smiling, “and I’m happy with you.”

 

Lena crouched down to kiss her. “Me too. That’s why I’m taking this very seriously. I can’t slip up. I need your family to like me.”

 

“We don’t have to mention what happened seven years ago. It’s not a lie, we just don’t tell them,” Kara decided, cupping her face with a firm look, “We met at my restaurant, five months ago. It’s the truth, okay, Lena?”

 

She nodded slightly, pressing down the worries and prayed that nothing wrong would happen.

  
  
  
  


______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Kara parked the car in the driveway, right behind her mother’s blue Toyota and turned off the machine. When she turned to the right, Lena was looking through the window to observe her mother’s house. Both of her hands were rubbing her neck. She was extremely nervous.

 

Kara reached out to grab Lena’s hand, drawing attention from the brunette. “Hey, you’ll be fine,” she said before bringing the other woman’s knuckles to her lips and kissing them, “You have me.”

 

Lena exhaled heavily and smiled. “Okay, let’s come inside.”

 

They stood in front of the door, hand in hand, waiting after ringing the bell. The wooden door opened to reveal her dear mother, Eliza, grinning from ear to ear.

 

“Kara, you made it!” she wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck. She immediately took in the strong scent of vanilla.

 

“Of course. I wouldn’t dare to miss it, Mom.” She kissed Eliza’s cheek and then pulled back, wrapping her arm around Lena’s waist to introduce, “Mom, this is Lena, my girlfriend. Lena, this is my mother, Eliza.”

 

“Hi, Lena, it’s so great to finally meet you.” Eliza opened her arms and Lena stepped in the personal space to return the gesture.

 

“Hi, Mrs. Danvers, nice to meet you.” Lena threw Kara a glance and a happy grin. She rose two thumbs up.

 

Her mother was a kind and friendly woman, she didn’t doubt that she would instantly like Lena. But she didn’t expect Eliza to actually steal Lena for herself during the house tour and left Kara alone with her cousin, Nate, who came a few minutes later with his girlfriend of three years, Mary. They were all in the kitchen helping out the last part of the preparation: cleaning up.

 

“You finally bring someone home,” Nate commented while washing the egg batter. Kara was stacking the plates on the table and she looked up when she heard him. “I didn’t think you would.”

 

“Why not?” she rearranged the candlestick, moving to the side to give Mary more space as she placed down the forks.

 

“You never do that. Everyone is getting worried and suddenly, bam, a girlfriend. How do you do it?” Nate cheekily said, “I used to try to score a hot older lady but never succeeded.”

 

“Nate, isn’t it a bit inappropriate to discuss that in front of your own girlfriend?” she reminded him.

 

Mary laughed. “Don’t worry. I was the one who told him that your girlfriend was hot. We both appreciate beauty whenever we can.”

 

Kara made a yikes face. “Please, just stop calling my girlfriend ‘hot’. She’s off-limit for complimentary.”

 

The doorbell rang again and Kara rushed out to get it. Just by the talking sound through the door, she could tell who was right outside.

 

“Alex! Maggie! Welcome!” she greeted happily and hugged them both before pulling them inside.

 

“Easy there, Little Danvers,” Maggie chuckled, “we’re not going anywhere.”

 

“You seem excited today, don’t you?” her sister rubbed her head.

 

“Nothing, just really glad to meet my lovely sister and her girlfriend again!” Kara helped them taking off the jackets. “Would you like some hot cocoa?”

 

“Yes, please,” said Maggie, “I’m dying for Eliza’s famous hot cocoa.”

 

The greeting expanded into the kitchen, with Nate and Mary wanting to have their own cup of hot cocoa. Kara got them each  and two extra more for Eliza and Lena when they came back from the garden.

 

As soon as she heard the footsteps, Kara quickly went to the hall with two steamy cups. “There you go.”

 

Eliza was surprised but took the cup anyway with a smile. “Thank you, dear.”

 

Lena grinned when she cupped her hands around the cup. “Wow, this is perfect. Thank you.”

 

It felt so great to have Lena among her family, and Kara was very eager to how her sister react to the news that she began dating. Alex didn’t know about Lena would coming and Kara wanted to take this opportunity to properly introduce Lena to everyone.

 

Kara stepped to wrap her arm behind her girlfriend’s back. “Lena, this is my sister Alex and her girlfriend Maggie.” She gestured the two women and then rested her head on Lena temple. “Alex, Maggie, this is my girlfriend, Lena.”

 

Kara had expected Alex to smile and be happy but she sister seemed to freeze at the scene, staring at Lena with a weird frown on her face. The first person to react was Maggie, who stepped forward to offer Lena a handshake.

 

“Hi, very nice to meet you,” Maggie grinned, the dimples pinched deeply into her cheeks. She seemed genuinely liked Lena. The women shared a friendly handshake and when Kara looked at Alex, her sister was still frowning. It rubbed Kara in a wrong way at how distant Alex treated Lena, quite differently from how she always greeted others.

 

“Hello, Alex,” Lena turned to Alex and offered her hand. Kara shifted her eyes from her girlfriend to her sister, who was staring down at the empty hand, not making any movement to replicate it.

 

“Alex?” Kara asked, observing her sister closely.

 

“It’s Alexandra,” she finally spoke, but her voice was firm and sour, like she couldn’t stand being in the room. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Kara could tell Alex only said it to fulfill the courtesy, not that she actually meant it because she ignored Lena’s hand and turned to start talking with Eliza. This was unacceptable.

 

Kara gritted her teeth, taking a step forward, preparing a method to find justice for her girlfriend.

 

A gentle force pulled at her arm. She glanced to the side and caught Lena’s timid smile. “Don’t. It’s fine. I’m still a stranger, I have to earn it.”

 

“Bu-” she reasoned, but Lena tightened the grip.

 

“Please, Kara.”

 

The fuming smoke in her flaring nose reduced to a whiff. She didn’t want Lena to suffer any inconvenience, especially after what they had been through. But she could stand down, if that was what Lena wished, though she had been ready to give Alex a little warning.

 

Then she recalled how she had behaved around Maggie when Alex first introduced her to the family. The bitterness in her stomach back then she still remembered when she realized someone had stepped into her sister’s life and was taking more and more sister time. Kara had been jealous of Maggie, but after a few family meeting, Maggie had stolen Kara’s heart with her humor.

 

Probably it was the same with Alex, her sister was jealous that someone stole her little sister away.

 

_ Aw… _

 

With that thought in mind, Kara was no longer bothered by Alex’s attitude towards Lena, which was cold and unfamiliar, but she knew the reason for it, so she ignored that completely.

 

To help bringing the two lovely women that she both loved, Kara knew she needed to do something. Lena said this dinner meant a lot to her she wanted Kara’s family to like her, and Alex’s sulking attitude didn’t help at all, therefore Kara supposed she should intervene.

 

Kara arranged the seats so Alex and Lena would sit next to each other. During the dinner, she intentionally created many opportunities for Lena to talk to Alex and vice versa but Alex deflected everything so well. Lena’s hesitation when it came to Alex was also not helping.

 

It disheartened her that everyone seemed to like Lena, except for Alex, the person whose opinion always mattered a lot to her. There would be more chances to improve this, but Kara didn’t why she shouldn’t do that right now.

 

Lena frowned a lot, though secretly and never let anyone saw that, Kara easily noticed and her excitement could no longer hold up.

 

“Alex, can you go get some eggs from the supermarket for me?” said Eliza while collecting the plates. Kara looked up from her tart, quickly catching on the conversation

 

“Sure, mom, anything else?” her sister walked to the door, grabbing her jacket on the way.

 

“No, sweetie.”

 

An opportunity.

 

“Wait, Alex!” she called and rushed up to her sister, “Can you get something else?”

 

Alex was zipping up the jacket, turning to Kara. “What is it?”

 

“Um…” she gestured Lena, “hey babe, what was that thing you said you needed to buy?”

 

Her girlfriend was caught off-guard, the cup of tea in her hand halt right in front of her mouth. “I did?”

 

“Yes,” she gave Lena an obvious look, feeling a bit guilty for throwing her the rope without a warning, “that  _ thing _ , remember?”

 

Lena put down the cup and played along, “Ah,  _ that _ . Oh, yes.”

 

“Come with Alex and get it,” she encouraged, then turned to her sister, “You wouldn’t mind letting her come with you, right?”

 

Alex sent her a soft glare but eventually nodded. Kara hurriedly helped Lena with her coat, buttoning up for her. “Okay, you two go have fun.”

 

“It’s just a shopping trip, Kara,” Alex rolled her eyes before stepping out of the house.

 

Lena leaned close to Kara. She had thought the brunette wanted to kiss her but she caught Lena’s voice in her ear. “The next time you call me ‘babe’, no more naked cooking.” Kara’s mouth dropped after the warning, then she sensed Lena’s soft lips on her cheek. “Love you.”

 

The door closed behind Lena, leaving Kara with a mild shock on her face. It was unexpected but she couldn’t help but be aroused by Lena taking the dominant role. Her fingers would cross, hoping the short shopping might help Alex open up to Lena, or at least improve the situation.

  
  
  
  


____________________

  
  
  
  
  


“Don’t even try to talk to me.”

 

Lena heard Alex’s voice from the driver’s seat. She stole a glance to see that the other woman still had the stoic and stern face on, refused to be any more friendly.

 

The dinner had been great, except for the fact that somehow Kara always wanted to see Lena and Alex around each other. It was nice that Alex hadn’t outright yelled at Lena or worse, smacked her across the face again, but obviously Kara had sensed something, which was why she set them up for this awkward and stressful shopping trip. Kara sensed something unusual, therefore she had staged this ridiculous and awkward shopping trip.

 

“I’m fully aware of your opinion on me,” she responded without looking to the side.

 

“Good. I thought you forgot about it when you showed up at my mother’s house today.” Alex sounded hostile, the ice cold tone alerted Lena that much. “I can’t believe it’s you whom Kara is dating.”

 

Lena sighed. Of course this wouldn’t be easy. In fact, she believed Alex would not tolerate her at all. If she was in her shoes, she would have acted the same. Who could be comfortable knowing about their past?

 

“I didn’t expect it to happen.” Lena decided to be honest. After all, Alex was being straightforward right now, she should at least say things in her point of view without trying to sugarcoat it. “Neither did Kara.”

 

“Don’t speak on Kara’s behalf,” Alex spat, slamming the wheel, “I don’t know what you put in her head now but it won’t last.” The vehicle took a swift turn into the parking lot, which was quite empty at the moment.

 

Lena turned to Kara’s sister, trying really hard to keep her composure. She knew Alex hated her, it was clear, and Alex could insult, cuss or yell at her whatever she wanted, Lena didn’t care. But she wouldn’t let Alex talk about her relationship with Kara as if she knew better. “Stop that. You were right, okay? I was wrong and our relationship was wrong. We had to end it. However, Kara and I didn’t just crash into each other’s life mindlessly like seven years ago. It was the last thing I ever could predict. Now we’re happy,  _ Kara _ is happy. Can’t you be happy for her?”

 

Alex stepped on the brake, bringing the car into a quick halt in the parking lot. Lena was sent forward and got held back by the seat belt to be slammed into the leather seat again. While she was trying to sit up properly, Alex had already turned to her. “I’m happy for her. I see how happy she is with you. Don’t you for a second think that I don’t put Kara’s happiness over everything.” Her index finger pointed right at Lena’s nose, Alex lowered her voice dangerously, “The only wild card in this is you. If you can cheat on your own husband, what guarantees that you wouldn’t do exactly the same with my sister?”

 

“I…” Lena felt her breath caught in her throat, “It-it’s different. I love Kara.”

 

“I heard that before,” Alex pulled back, “I just don’t believe it. I bet you said the same to your husband on your wedding day.”

 

“ _ Ex-husband. _ We had a divorce,” Lena stated, gritting her teeth. Suddenly, she couldn’t find her weapon anywhere. In front of Alex, she became more and more vulnerable, because everything she said had a rightful reason for her to throw at Lena. “I am now a free woman. Our relationship is no longer wrong.”

 

The other woman had already stepped out of her car, glaring at Lena with her soul-scorching eyes, “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re a cheater.”

 

The door slammed and Alex left for the supermarket. Lena froze in the seat, tears were trying to climb out of the bridge of her eyes. Alex always stated her mind, and it hurt how brutally truthful it was.

 

Lena was an adulterer, that could never change, seven years or seventy years. She might have saved Kara from being called a homewrecker, but Lena could not escape her own sin. It had haunted her ever since she started dating Kara that one day the blonde would wake up and realized she was in Jack’s position from seven years ago. Kara would doubt her, and Kara would leave her.

 

Then she wouldn’t have anything left but an empty soul, the price she had to pay.

 

She did a terrible, immoral deed that could never be erased. She had betrayed the man who had aided her in tough times, and the prize was others’ doubt on her faithfulness. There was no excuse for what she had done. She wouldn’t bring love into this as her shield. Her love for Kara had been wrong and she should have stopped it on her own will, not because someone with better common sense had to step in.

 

A cheater didn’t deserve happiness.

 

Alex returned after ten minutes, bringing two dozen eggs and an apple. She threw the fruit into Lena’s lap. “That thing you need to buy. Just in case anyone asks.”

 

The ride home was deadly quiet. Lena gripped the apple, swallowing her unshed tears of the silent judgment she had to endure ever since Alex Danvers had slapped her in the Spheer mansion years ago. The guilt and the self-judging all came back to her, laughing at her and stripping her off any kind of resentment. She stood in front of her moral trial, was sentenced to death with the punishment of eternal shame.

 

It was subtle but it was also shouting out loud what Alex thought of her. A forbidden fruit.

 

Something that seemed pretty and approachable but poisonous and toxic. Soon, she would ruin everything she touched.

 

“I understand that you despise me,” she said when they had returned to Mrs. Danvers’ driveway. Alex sat still after turning off the vehicle, seemingly paying attention to what Lena had to say. “I respect your concern and worries for Kara. Maybe you will never accept me but know this, I am trying everyday to make Kara happy. I will do anything to make myself worthy enough for Kara.”

 

Alex unfastened the seat belt and leaned towards Lena, staring her down dangerously. “You’re right about one thing: I will never accept you. You will never be a part of my family, no matter what you do.” Lena gulped, wanting to look away and avoid the spiky tone from Alex. But she stubbornly forced her face look directly at Alex, not showing any sign of weakness even though she was breaking apart inside. “You don’t deserve Kara, remember that because I would never let you forget how lucky you are to be in her life again. If one day you hurt her, I will make you pay. Get it?” She could do nothing but nod. Alex’s eyes cast to somewhere on her face. “Violence has never been my way to solve things. Apologies.”

 

Lena knew what she was talking about. The burn from that slap from seven years ago, she could still feel it, like the shame she always felt. Unconsciously touching the left cheek, Lena looked away. “I don’t blame you for being angry. It was the wake up call I needed.”

 

Alex’s sigh could be heard loudly. It seemed like Kara’s sister was not happy about her action as well. “We’ll never discuss this ever again. The moment you and I step out of this car, we will not become best friends but we would try to not let Kara worry.”

 

“Okay,” Lena replied and opened the door on her side. Alex left the car as well and they both walked to the house, not saying anything.

 

Alex still hated her, that was clear, but at least she didn’t actively try to get rid of Lena from Kara’s life like the last time. She was grateful of it.

 

Things could have been worse.

  
  
  


_______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, can I talk to you?” Alex heard Kara’s voice from upstairs and looked up to find her younger sister with a serious face. She wondered if Kara had suspected anything or didn’t find the play she and Lena had put on after the shopping trip convincing. She had tried very hard to be neutral around Lena, and it took a lot for her to not frown constantly. Everytime she looked at Lena, she was reminded of the impulsive decision she had made, to interfere heavily into Kara’s love life, though to save her from a disaster, it was still a privacy invasion.

 

“Can it wait? I’m trying to find my phone.” Nate had asked her to give him their cousin Robbie’s phone number before he and Mary left. Everyone was sitting at the front porch, drinking tea and eating Eliza’s apple pie. She had thought Kara was also with the others.

 

“No. I need to ask you something.” Kara sounded less joyful, which made Alex’s back cold.

 

“Sure.”

 

She followed Kara into their old room, where they spent hours of pillow fight, sneaking food into the bedroom and both got scolded in the morning by their mother. It was much smaller than before, possibly because they both had grown up now. The posters and doodles were still in place. Eliza never took them down.

 

Alex closed the door behind her, thinking about what could make Kara so adamant to talk. “So, what is it you want to ask?”

 

Kara faced her, crossing her arms, her chin lifted a bit as if she was challenging Alex. “I know what’s going on between you and Lena.”

 

Her lips froze, not being able to make any sound. What did Kara know? Keeping a neutral face, she played dumb, hoping it was not what she was thinking about. “What do you mean?”

 

“You knew Lena before tonight, didn’t you?” Kara’s eyes narrowed at her, cautious and knowing. “You really think it’s okay to not tell me about it?”

 

She knew.  _ Fuck. _

 

Alex had hoped that things wouldn’t come down to this. What she had done, for whatever reason, was still extreme and the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to keep it a secret. Kara would hate her for it. She hated her now.

 

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, her shoulders slumped. If the secret was out, she shouldn’t try to cover it up. “I was trying to protect you.”

 

“Protect me?” Kara let out a humorless chuckle. “Do you think I’m that fragile?” The blonde stomped her foot. “I am  _ not _ a child, Alex.”

 

“I know, I know…” she nodded apologetically, hugging herself, “I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have slapped her. But you were so blindly in love, you couldn’t see clearly. She was married, Kara. If I didn’t do anything, you’d have been the homewrecker and I couldn’t let it ha-”

 

“You did  _ what? _ ”

 

Alex looked up when she heard Kara’s shout. Her sister was staring at her in disbelief, nose flared and her cheeks flushed with such anger that Alex had never seen in Kara before. “Kara…”

 

“You slapped Lena? You knew about us?” Kara’s voice began to rise, her face darkened dangerously, “What are you talking about?”

 

Wait a minute...

 

“…what are  _ you _ talking about? I thought you knew?” Cold sweats wrapped around Alex’s back and coiled in her palms.

 

“I didn’t. I thought you and Lena used to date. You’re uncomfortable around each other and always avoid talking,” her sister stepped back, slightly shaking her head, “when I saw you two in the car before I thought... This is worse than I expected.” Kara walked past her to the door. Alex grabbed her forearm, nervous about what she was having in mind. “Let. Go.” Kara grunted, her voice was low and vibrating with the flame of fury. “Now.”

 

She had to let go.

  
  
  
  


____________________

  
  
  
  
  


Kara couldn’t feel much besides the raging anger that took over her muscles, straining them to the point of numbing pain. Everything she could think of was the night she stood in front of the Spheer mansion gates, having her heart broken by the woman behind the gates, with the suspicious marks on her face.

 

In that moment, she had sensed something wrong.

 

In that moment, she had felt Lena’s voice too cold, too distant and cruel.

 

For what she had learned about Lena, even from seven years ago and now, she could never say such thing. Even with Jack, she had created a friendly bond with him even though it was the last thing anyone in their shoes could do.

 

Kara had been angry, but at the wrong person.

 

She opened the door to the porch with force. Everyone was startled and staring at her.

 

“Kara, are you okay?” her mother asked with concern but Kara bored her eyes at her girlfriend, who was curling up in her coat.

 

“Lena, it was Alex, wasn’t it?” she tried to keep her voice not a shout but judging by the faces of her family, her effort was not enough, “Alex told you to break up with me, didn’t she?”

 

Lena’s mouth opened, closed then opened again as she stood up but no sound could be heard. So it was the truth. Kara gritted her teeth and turned around to face her sister, who was shamelessly staring at her as if Kara wanted to talk to her.

 

“Kara, listen to me,” Alex spoke but Kara didn’t let her.

 

“No,  _ you _ listen. I spent seven years hating Lena for what she did that night,” she clenched her hands to distract herself from the urge of pouring out the anger in physical form, “I thought I was used and I meant nothing to the woman I loved.” Looking over her shoulder, her family, Maggie and Lena had stepped inside to witness the confrontation. They must be confused but she had no time to explain and no mind to care. “I was heartbroken for years. How could you do that to me? To us? I almost lost Lena, thinking she was a terrible person.” Her eyes burned and her throat twisted, the knot of disappointment and rage suffocated her, she shouted her frustration at Alex, pouring it out after trying to forget it for seven years. “What did you do to her? Tell me, now!”

 

“I…” Alex gulped, her eyes scanning everyone as if she was looking for help.

 

“Nothing,” Lena stepped into her sight, spreading her hands to keep a distance between Alex and her. Kara hadn’t realized how close she had walked to her sister. “She did nothing, Kara. It was all me.”

 

Kara brought her hand to Lena’s left cheek. She could still saw in her mind the imprint of abuse Lena had received. Alex had said it, yet Lena was covering up for her.

 

“Don’t lie to me,” she warned, taking a step away from the woman she loved and her sister, “I can’t stand your lies anymore.”

 

“I did it,” Alex spoke finally, her eyes were shimmering with tears, “I slapped her and told her to end things with you. It was me.”

 

“...why?” Kara muttered.

 

“Because you were going to destroy your life for an affair with a married woman. I wouldn’t have my sister becoming a homewrecker and taking responsibility for someone else when you couldn’t even take care of yourself.”

 

The collectible gasps coming from everyone around her was enough for Kara. Lena had tried to keep it down and even Kara wanted to bury it too.

 

“Was it because I turned down the scholarship?” Kara gritted through her teeth, “You didn’t think I could make my business work, did you?”

 

“You were nineteen, blindly in love with a married woman and there was no future for you. Was I supposed to let you crash and burn?” The tear fell on Alex’s face, she gripped on the shirt where her heart was, “You are my sister!”

 

“You didn’t even bother to tell me the truth,” Kara responded, not being affected by the rare tears on Alex’s face, “You let me live, thinking I was not good enough, not strong enough and not worthy enough. Some sister you are.”

 

“Kara, she did it for a good reason,” Lena said but not even she could cool Kara down right now.

 

“And you, Lena. How could you? Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you suffer and let me hate you all these years?” Kara looked away from Lena, not having her will softened by a pair of sad green eyes. “I treated you like shit, over something that wasn’t your fault, and you let me. Can you stop trying to put the blame on your back? If you were at fault for what happened seven years ago, then I was as much to be blamed. Why didn’t you let me carry that burden with you? Because I’m younger than you? I’m sick of you and Alex trying to protect me, like I’m a stupid kid who knows nothing!”

 

When she finished the speech, no one spoke anything. The room was quiet like the morgue, only the cold wind from the porch was blowing in, bring the late night breeze inside. Lena looked down at her hand, probably at loss of words. Eliza was standing next to her, nervous and upset that her two daughters were fighting.

 

Nate spoke up from the corner, “I think we should call it a night. Mary and I will go now.”

 

“No, Nate,” Kara raised her hand, stopping him, “I ruined the night. I’ll go.” She didn’t hesitate, immediately snatched the coat from the hanger and put it on. “I need some air.”

 

“I was wrong, Kara. I shouldn’t have interfered like that. I should have talked to you about it,” Alex was now sobbing, Maggie was holding her shoulders. “I’m so sor-”

 

“Save it,” Kara headed to the door. She couldn’t stand another minute in front of two people who thought lying to her was a good way to protect her. From what? The truth? “Try doing that seven years later, sister, like how Lena did. Then I’ll see if I can look at your face again.”

 

She shut the door, leaving behind the two people she loved dearly and had hurt her one way or another. If love was supposed to make people happy, then she didn’t know why it made her feel so miserable at the moment.

  
  
  
  


______________________

  
  
  
  
  


After seeing Nate and Mary off, Elize returned into the living room with a heavy heart. Her two daughters were fighting over something she didn’t know but with the mother instinct, she could somehow guess it. And she felt like she needed to find the missing link of all. There would be no better way than being direct, even though it might cause discomfort.

 

Lena was sitting across the table, not making eye contact with her ever since Kara left the house. Eliza could imagine what she was going through and she felt nothing but understanding and compassion. She had just met this woman today but she had grown on her. Probably it was because of the way she looked at Kara the entire time like Kara hung the stars. Or it was because how Kara never stopped observing her, during the dinner and after that.

 

She had heard stories about Lena from Kara, not the specifics because Kara was not one to share a lot. Kara was happy, so blissfully in love. She smiled, laughed and was more thrilled than she had ever seen. The last time Eliza had witnessed Kara like that was nearly twenty years ago, when she found a wet puppy in the backyard and was determined to keep him. Lena had made her that much happy, and Eliza wanted to know more about her.

 

“Don’t be too nervous, Lena,” she told the woman, “I’m not going to yell at you.”

 

The younger woman exhaled a dry chuckle, “I wouldn’t blame you if you yell at me.”

 

“Because of what happened inside?” she gave a smile.

 

“Yes. And what was said in there, too.”

 

Eliza sighed, “So, according to what I gathered, you and Kara met while you were still married?” She went straight to the point. If she beat around the bush, it might make Lena feel like she was uncomfortable and would be awkward.

 

Lena blushed, due to embarrassment. Or shame. “Yes. It was… not ideal. I shouldn’t have let it happen. You probably hate me so much now.”

 

She shook her head. “I could be judgmental and say all those moral scoldings that I guess you have told yourself over and over. But I won’t, because I’m not you. I don’t know how things are in your life, I don’t get to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do.” Lena finally looked at her. “And don’t hate you, Lena.”

 

A crooked but soft smile appeared on the woman’s lips. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that.”

 

“Kara is happy,” she added knowingly, “I haven’t seen her like that for years. Even from seven years ago.”

 

Lena’s eyes opened wide, slowing getting what she was trying to say. “Did you… did you know about us?”

 

“Not the specifics, of course,” she smiled gently, “but I knew Kara was in love with someone. I’m her mother, I know all. Then I knew she had a broken heart.”

 

The shame returned on Lena’s face. “I-I’m sorry.”

 

“It would happen sooner or later. Especially when she was too young to handle the reality that love tends to blind us.” Eliza said without a hint of bitterness or bias. She wanted Lena to see from a wider view, just like how she wanted Kara and Alex did. “Everyone makes mistakes, Lena. The important thing is what you learn from it and how it makes you a better person.”

 

Lena gazed down at the candle on the table, mumbled with an apologetic frown, “Even if you’re a cheater?”

 

The question caught Eliza off-guard. She didn’t think about this aspect before. But she needed to deliver the truthful answer Lena wanted to hear. “I can’t be the one to decide that, Lena. It’s not easy to erase something from your past because it makes who you are now, but it’s not impossible either. I always have faith in people. Can I have faith in you, Lena?”

 

The woman took a deep breath and stood up from the chair. “Yes, Eliza. I will not fail you.”

 

“Okay,” she smiled and got to her feet, “Come on, let’s go find my stubborn child.”

  
  
  


______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Kara had gone for an hour.

 

Lena wanted to go after her right when the door was closed but Eliza had held her back and told her to give Kara time to cool down. Eliza obviously knew Kara more than her, so she could do nothing but follow the instruction. The talk at the porch had opened up her eyes.

 

Eliza approached the subject rather gently and non-judgmental, and Lena was glad that she did so. She had taken in a lot from Alex, from her mother, from Jack and from her own conscience, so it was a breath of fresh air. It must be how Eliza always treated others, because she couldn’t imagine the kind woman saying anything mean to anyone.

 

Alex had disappeared into her room upstairs, with Maggie occasionally coming in and out of the door. Lena didn’t want anything wrong between Kara and her sister, therefore she was worried that Kara might not forgive Alex. In her point of view, she was the one who did the biggest wrongdoing, and she was ready to take the blame.

 

Kara was mad at Alex, and also at Lena. She got nervous, thinking that maybe Kara wouldn’t forgive her for lying, too. The fear of facing Kara’s wrath had been haunting her for the past seven years but she wanted to keep it a secret for Alex’s sake. She didn’t adore Kara’s sister but she was grateful that she had brought Lena to her senses and she knew it would strain their sisterhood, so she let herself drown in the lie that cost her Kara’s love, Kara’s trust and any chance to reconcile with her.

 

Life always surprised you. That was why Lena and Kara walked into each other’s life again. The lie haunted her again.

 

_ Kara must hate me for real now. _

 

“Alex wouldn’t come with us?” she asked, fastening the seat belt in Eliza’s car.

 

“Let her be,” Mrs. Danvers knowingly answered, turning on the vehicle, “The biggest thing Alex and Kara have in common is their hot-headed stubbornness. Time and space are what they both need right now.”

 

Lena nodded, silently taking the hint of love that radiated from the older woman. Eliza was such a great mother, she knew how her kids were and she knew exactly what to do. “You really understand them.”

 

“That’s what mothers do.”

 

Eliza’s response threw a jab at Lena’s heart when she thought about her own mother. Lillian had told her to stop trying to reach out right after the divorce. Sometimes, she thought of herself as an orphan so she wouldn’t feel sorry for herself. What motherlove meant to her when her own mother couldn’t let her acknowledge it?

 

“And the hot cocoa?” she asked, raising the thermal cup in her hands. Eliza had given her this before they left the house.

 

“For Kara,” Eliza smiled, driving the car along the road, “she would need that but she wouldn’t admit it so just simply give it to her.”

 

“Where are we going?” she asked, looking through the window. The road was getting narrower and darker. Looked like they had left the main street.

 

“A place that Kara might be.” It sounded like a prediction but there was a large certainty in Eliza’s voice so Lena had a hunch that Mrs. Danvers already knew where to find Kara.

 

They drove to a playground. It was dark, there was only one light above. Lena saw Kara’s familiar coat and spotted the blonde sitting on a swing but it didn’t move. She only sat there, still like a statue.

 

Eliza turned off the car and turned to Lena. “Go get her.”

 

She didn’t expect this. “You’re not coming?” she asked, wondering why Eliza let her go alone.

 

“This matter is between you, Alex and Kara. As her mother, I’d rather not get involved but I will always support all of you,” said Eliza with a smile that made Lena’s heart warm. It was great to be trusted and believed in.

 

She stepped out of the car, bringing the cup with her. On her path to the swing, she juggled between options on how to start a conversation with Kara. It was ridiculous to be in this situation again, not knowing how to talk to Kara.

 

Lena walked into the playground and sat down on the swing next to Kara. The blonde didn’t turn to her but she was the first to speak.

 

“I had a dog named Krypto when I was little. He was found in the backyard, dripping in the rain. I loved him so much.” Taking a breath, Kara began swinging the seat. “When he died, I couldn’t handle it and spent the entire day crying on this swing. It becomes a habit for me, running to this spot and let myself deal with anything that is too much.” The blonde turned to Lena, a sad smile painted on her lips. “The night you broke up with me, I came here, too.”

 

Lena understood that her lie had caused Kara so much pain, yet she never truly saw how much damages it had created for the blonde, how destructive it had been. The realization only weighed her heart lower, slowly painting a more realistic and brutal picture than before. “I’m sorry, Kara.”

 

“Didn’t we agree that we would no longer apologize to one another?” Kara reminded her with a sigh, the smoke formed in front of her lips blurred her face but Lena could see clearly a soft smile.

 

“We did. I’ll try my best,” she slowly swung the seat along.

 

“You still say it anyway, I know you.” Lena chuckled at Kara’s statement. It was the truth. “Is it because you always feel like it’s your fault?”

 

Lena inhaled a long and cold whiff of night air. The cup warmed her palms, she turned it clockwise inside them. “It _is_ my fault.”

 

“There is nothing your fault without my fair share of blame,” Kara added, her voice lowered to a whisper, “I can’t let you suffer the guilt alone, Lena. It is my fault as well.”

 

“Yes. We were both wrong.”

 

“The important thing is: can we ever get past that?” Kara stated the question that Lena had asked herself many times during the nights. Could she ever be forgiven, not by others, but by her own morality? The shadow of her sin darkened her life, it had changed her forever, putting her in the path she had never expected to find herself on.

 

“I don’t know.” Lena was being honest, Kara deserved that. How the blonde would react, she couldn’t predict it.

 

“I think we should try,” Kara stood up from the swing and walked to stand in front of her. Her hands inside the pockets, the night wind blew her wavy hair softly, forming a tender look for the understanding smile on her lips. “I refuse to let us be drown in our mistakes because I don’t want to spend another minute in this playground anymore. What we did was wrong and it was our past, Lena, it was solid. I will always be the person that started an affair with a married woman and you will always be the woman who committed adultery. However, I don’t want to spend my life chewing on something I can’t change. Life is too short to spend it in guilt. If no one forgives us, we should at least forgive ourselves and move on.” She crouched down and sat on her heels to look up at Lena, her eyes were shimmering with twinkling tears. “Can you forgive me?”

 

Lena choked on the tears that she didn’t realize she was shedding. Cold hands reached out to cup her face, she smiled down at the younger woman, whose gaze was exactly the same with ones from seven years ago. Kara always had this look when their eyes met, as if she was saying more than she let on, as if she tried to memorize every detail of the moment and carve it all in her brain.

 

As if she had become the moment itself.

 

“I forgive you, Kara,” she sniffed, wrapping her hands around Kara’s wrists, holding her tightly, “Can you forgive me?”

 

“I forgive you.”

 

Their lips met halfway, carefully touched to cherish the moment they let themselves free from whatever was holding them back in the past. At some point, the tears dried on their faces. The guilt and the mistake were still there, they didn’t ignore them, they just found a way to move on from them.

 

Because they were humans, and humans would die.

 

Life was too short to spend another day at war with yourself.

  
  
  
  


_____________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Kara and Lena spent the night at her mother’s house. It was already too late for them to drive all the way back to Metropolis. When they returned to the house, both Alex and Maggie had gone to bed.

 

It was good, because Kara didn’t think it would be wise to face with her sister in the same day she found out the thing she had done.

 

That night, when Kara was holding Lena in her arms on the guestroom bed, she couldn’t fall asleep easily, even with her love in her embrace. She spent hours to caress Lena’s hair, sniffing in the new shampoo scent that she had learned to love for the past five months. It made her calm and her mind still to think about what she should do with Alex.

 

Lena had fallen asleep. She seemed like smiling in her dream. Good. Kara didn’t want her to feel miserable even in her own world. She didn’t want that for herself.

 

And she didn’t want that for Alex.

 

But thinking back, she was still so mad that Alex had gone behind her back to put a decision for her life. She didn’t tell Alex exactly whom she was seeing, still Alex was able to figure out it was Lena, that was enough to prove how much of a skillful investigator Alex was.

 

The marks on Lena’s cheek.

 

Kara sensed the anger again. She couldn’t stand seeing Lena hurt in anyway and her own sister hit Lena. Because of her.

 

And Lena kept it a secret all those years, even when Kara was blaming her for everything, she never once clarified her innocence. It was a bad habit of her, Kara could tell, to blame everything on herself.

 

What if Alex was thinking the same? What if Alex also blamed everything on her too?

 

Alex was always protective of her, Kara knew it very well. Her sister’s action had caused a lot of pain for both her and Lena, but perhaps pain was needed.

 

After being dumped, Kara had spent her entire energy and attention for building her new and inexperienced business. She had failed many times before finding a solid ground to actually earn some good money and reputation in Metropolis. Her friends had helped her understand the first steps of doing business and after she could do it on her own, they let her manage it all. All of her friends were doing very well. One of them was working for Bruce Wayne the last time she heard from them.

 

Without Lena, Kara still followed her plan to create a business on her own. Alex had helped her along the way, though she knew that her sister still had doubts sometimes, but she never told her, which was good. They had gone through a lot, many fights, lots of laugh and tears. Kara wondered if she could ever laugh with Alex like before anymore, when she knew a miserable part of her life was something her sister had a part responsible for.

 

The sun began to show.

 

The night had gone.

 

Kara silently held Lena on the bed, waiting for the moment her girlfriend woke up to give her a kiss. Lena had been through so much on her own, and Kara felt so bad for ever thinking she was a horrible woman who toyed with her feelings. Lena had only been worried for her future, and though it had caused them great misery, it was also a lesson learned.

 

“...mhmm…” Lena hummed in her sleep, snuggled deeper into Kara’s arms, making her smile. She decided to change the plan. She would not greet Lena with just a kiss, but with a hot cup of coffee like she always had every morning.

 

Carefully leaving the bed, Kara put on the slippers and went downstairs. She stretched herself, yawning hard and let her spines bend backward to put her body into a ready mode rather than relaxed. Stepping into the kitchen, she noticed that the light was already on. Perhaps her mother had woken up early.

 

When she recognized who was in the kitchen, her first instinct was turning away.

 

“Kara, wait.” Alex sounded tired. She looked tired. “I’m about to leave.”

 

Kara didn’t want to run away with her tail between her legs like a coward so she entered the kitchen again and sat down on a chair, silently watched as Alex putting some sugar into two cups. It was awkward to meet Alex right now, though the anger had faded away, Kara still thought it was too soon to face her sister.

 

“I was wrong,” Alex said, not turning around, “for ruining your relationship.” The older Danvers slowly faced Kara, the bags under her eyes were the evidence that she, too, hadn’t slept last night. They had so much in common. “I didn’t have the right. If I were you, I’d hate myself too.” Kara didn’t reply, only looked down at the table, where her hands were fiddling with the bottle of salt. She didn’t know what to say and how to say something without letting her anger out and saying things she would regret later.

 

Alex walked past her, but then paused and turned to her again. “I’ll accept the consequences of my action however you want, Kara. Maggie and I will leave soon and you wouldn’t have to see me for the next seven years, or even longer if you wish. I do hope that you’ll be happy, with Lena or anyone, it doesn’t matter, as long as you are happy. You deserve all of the best things in this world, Kara.”

 

Kara’s mouth opened when Alex disappeared behind the door frame. She had an urge to tell Alex something but she couldn’t voice it, and she didn’t know exactly what to say, so she let Alex leave. She felt like she had to be mad at Alex for even longer but it was now nothing more than reasons. The dangerous and sour feeling inside her had melted into something different. She was still upset, but nothing made her furious or feel like she should destroy something.

 

It was calm.

  
  
  
  


______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Lena heard the door open and smiled when Kara walked into the room. “Hey.”

 

“Morning,” said Kara, holding two cups of coffee, “how are you feeling?”

 

“Me?” she took a cup, “how are  _ you _ feeling? Last night was a lot for you.”

 

The blonde dropped on the bed, twirling her coffee with a spoon, frowning. “I just met Alex downstairs.”

 

Lena sat straight to catch the story better. “What did she say?”

 

“She apologized and she wished us happiness,” Kara said, the frown eased on her brows. Lena doubted Alex included her in the wish but it was not the time for details. “Is it wrong for me to not be so mad at her?”

 

Lena shook her head. “No. You love each other. You are family.”

 

Kara sighed, sipping her coffee. “I don’t know. She needs to know that it is not okay for her to do the things she did. Getting too deep into my life, even though she means well.” Kara brought one hand to touch her cheek, the spot where she had received the burning slap from seven years ago. “Did it hurt?”

 

Lena smiled, slightly shaking her head. “Not anymore. Let’s be frank here, I did deserve that. If anything I have to thank Alex.”

 

“How come?”

 

“She gave me what I needed, not what I wanted,” she kissed Kara’s palm, “I need a sucker punch to wake me up from the dream of having you without any consequences. I have to end my own marriage first before even thinking about starting off with someone else.”

 

Kara chuckled, “That makes sense, when you put it that way.” She placed the cup down and laid on the bed. “I suppose Alex did something positive for us. If I have to be honest, I wasn’t in my best mind when I asked you to come with me. I was high on love.”

 

“I was, too,” Lena admitted, leaning down to kiss the blonde, “I accepted it without thinking. I should have refused.”

 

“I should not have asked,” Kara retorted with a smirk, “See? We were both at fault.”

 

“Agree.” Lena put her cup down next to Kara’s and let her back fall on the bed. “So… what are you going to do?”

 

“About Alex?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kara hummed, thinking. “I want her to apologize you for the slap.”

 

“She did,” Lena explained, “during the shopping trip. Alex doesn’t like me but she doesn’t treat me like an enemy, either. I think she’s trying.”

 

Kara didn’t say anything, she closed her eyes. Lena thought she should leave her girlfriend alone with her thoughts, knowing she must have plenty at the moment.

 

Lifting the curtain, she looked through the window. It was very quiet and peaceful here in Midvale. Lena loved small towns, it reminded her of the days she spent at home, waiting for her father to come home. Her childhood was simple and easy, much easier than many others and she didn’t know how to treasure it until it was gone.

 

Her father would love to live in the countryside. He would appreciate Midvale.

 

Suddenly, she saw someone walking out of the porch. Mrs. Danvers, then Maggie and Alex. The couple had already worn their proper clothes, bring their bag to the car.

 

_ They’re leaving. _

 

Quickly turning around, she was about to tell Kara but the blonde was no longer on the bed.

 

Lena had a hunch that Kara was exactly where she was supposed to be. So she turned to the window again, just in time to catch her girlfriend running to her sister in bare feet, saying something. The older Danvers stood still to listen and then nodded. In a second, she looked up at where Lena was standing, a solemn look in her eyes, then she said something to Kara.

 

Mrs. Danvers hugged Alex, then she stepped back to make space for Kara, who was hesitating.

 

_ Come on, Kara. _

 

She found herself waiting to see some signs of forgiveness between the Danvers sisters. She knew their bond was strong and Alex loved Kara as much as Kara did her. Family was something you could never cut off completely, she wouldn’t want Kara or Alex having to spend years apart from each other, just like how Kara and she had done.

 

Finally, Kara extended a hand. Alex gingerly took it with gratitude and let go quickly. Then she got on the car with Maggie, they left right after that. Eliza wrapped her arm around Kara, the two came back inside.

 

Lena sat back on the bed, biting her thumb. Somehow, looking at Kara, Alex and Eliza, she thought about her own family. She had lost her dad, now her mother was all she had. Sure, they had their differences, but who didn’t?

 

What if the next time she heard from Lillian was her obituary notice?

 

“Who are you calling?” Kara asked when she stepped into the room.

 

“My mother,” she answered, listening to the beeping sound from the phone. It was rather early, her mother might not be awake yet.

 

_ “Hello?” _ Lillian’s voice cut through her thoughts.

 

“Mother, it’s me,” she said, trying to have the neutral tone. She always felt like she had to be serious around her mother, ever since she was little. Kara sat down next to her, rubbing her thighs in support. The blonde had mentioned about contacting Lillian a few times but Lena always found a way to deflect it, mostly because she thought Lillian would still be mad at her. And she couldn’t stand having the last family member disliking her.

 

_ “Lena?” _ Lillian sounded sleepy, or tired, or maybe both. Lena heard the clicking sound of the light switch.  _ “It’s been a while.” _

 

“Yes, six years,” Lena added without a hint of bitterness, “How are you?”

 

She waited for her mother’s sarcasm:  _ ‘you still remember this old hag?’ _ ,  _ ‘you’re broke, aren’t you?’ _ or  _ ‘it’s none of your business’ _ , something like that. But the reply surprised her.

 

_ “I’m fine. And you?” _

 

Lena gave Kara a look and answered, “I’m very well.”

 

_ “Good.” _ Lillian paused, as if she didn’t know what else to say. Lena had the same problem. Their mother-daughter relationship wasn’t ideal and they didn’t engage a conversation with each other at will. But now Lena was trying, and maybe her mother was doing the same.  _ “I thought you would never call.” _

 

Lena sighed out a soft chuckle. “I thought so, too, Mother. You made it clear that you didn’t want to hear anything from me ever again.”

 

There was another pause. Then Lena heard,  _ “I’m sorry, Lena, for what I said that day.” _ The low tone and unexpected warmth from her mother’s words made Lena’s eyes wet. Before she had the chance to wipe the tear, Kara’s hand had already done it. She smiled at the blonde to show gratitude.  _ “A mother should never say such things to her daughter.” _

 

“Mother, it’s history.”

 

_ “No, Lena. I was upset and disappointed, but you needed me to be there for you, to be supportive, not to judge.” _ She quietly took in her mother’s apology, feeling like the weight on her shoulders had been dropped.  _ “I haven’t spent a single night without thinking about what I said. I wanted to apologize but I thought you were mad at me.” _

 

So it was also Lena’s problem. She had thought her mother was angry, still angry. How stubborn they both were.

 

“I am not mad at you,” she sniffed, realizing that she was crying, “I thought you were mad at me.” She heard Lillian’s chuckle and laughed along in tears. Kara was gazing at her with a happy smile on her face. Then the blonde leaned in to kiss her cheek and left the room, leaving her behind to talk to her mother.

 

_ “Not anymore. I talked to Jack.” _

 

“Oh, what about?”

 

_ “About you, of course. I barely know anything about my own daughter lately, I have to do some digging. Luthor style.” _

 

Lena smiled. Her mother didn’t change much. “What did he tell you?”

 

_ “Your job and that you live in Metropolis now. And you’re seeing someone. Is it serious?” _

 

Lena glanced at the cup of coffee that was still steamy on the table and answered, “Yes.”

 

_ “...can I meet him?” _

 

The hesitation in Lillian’s voice suddenly made Lena utterly happy. Her mother was showing some support for her personal life, even though it wasn’t Jack. She was trying. And she also noticed that Lillian had gotten the wrong idea of the person whom she was dating. Lena cleared her throat and calmly said, “It’s a ‘ _her_ ', Mother.”

 

Coming out to someone was always nerve-wracking, no matter if it was yourself or the mother with whom you shared practically no similarity. She nervously waited for her mother’s response.

 

_ “So… no grandchild, then.” _

 

Lena let out a relieved sigh. “I haven't thought about it yet.”

 

_ “Was that why you divorced Jack? Because you love women?” _ Her mother took it rather well, much better than Lena had expected.

 

“No, I don't- it wasn't- Mother, it’s not what you think,” Lena quickly cleared the speculation. She didn’t want Lillian to think that she had filed the divorce because of someone. Her mother seemed to ignore whatever she was saying, though.

 

_ “You should have told me sooner, Lena. I would have set you up with Veronica Sinclair instead of Jack Spheer. Then you wouldn’t have to be a divorced woman.” _

 

Lena got to her feet, her brows raised up to the hairline. “Mother, that’s not- wait, what, Veronica?”

 

_ “Yes! She even told me she would love to be the person who manages Luthor Corp. I didn’t understand back then but now I get it. Speaking of which, she’s in Metropolis, the last time I heard about her.” _

 

Lena facepalmed herself, “Mother, I’m already seeing someone, remember? And this is serious.”

 

_ “I know… It’s just- that’s a huge thing for you and I only find out now, and I talked you into marrying someone you don’t love. I’m sorry.” _

 

“We should move past that now, Mother. Let’s focus on the future.” Lena smiled, drown in the bliss of being heard, being understood, though late, from her mother. “My life is much better now.”

 

_"Are you… happy? You sound happy."_

 

“I am.”

 

_ “Good.” _ Lena swore she could hear her mother’s smile.  _ “This… girl, can I meet her? Not immediately, some day.” _

 

“Sure, she’d love to.”

  
  
  
  


_____________________

  
  
  
  
  


“So, what did you and Alex say?”

 

Kara smirked when she heard Lena’s question. Her girlfriend must be eager to know the details since the morning but tried to keep her curiosity in check until they were on the road. “Can you guess?”

 

“I have some ideas, but I’d rather hear from you.”

 

It was strange, when Kara came downstairs this morning, hoping to catch Alex before she left. Only last night, they had a big fight, in the next morning, the fight seemed like a million years ago.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


_ “I’m truly sorry, Kara,” Alex apologized again, her tired eyes met with Kara, expressing nothing but regret, “I understand that what I did was completely out of line. You don’t have to say anything.” _

 

_ Kara stared at her sister, then Maggie and Eliza. They were all waiting for something so Kara decided to speak her mind, making things clear from now on. “I still haven’t forgiven you yet. It would take a while before I begin to.” Alex nodded, acknowledging. “But I also don’t want you out of my life. You are my sister, I am yours. We take care each other, sometimes a little too much.” Taking a short pause, she recalled her pact last night with her girlfriend. “Lena and I have decided to forgive each other for our mistake, to move on from the past. So I will try to forgive you, Alex, because I deserve to move on. We all do.” Tears started to form in Alex’s eyes, maybe Kara had hit the right spot. “Maybe the next time we gather again, we can all put this behind us.” _

 

_ Alex nodded again, a soft and relieved smile appeared on her lips. Then she looked up at the window of the guestroom. Kara guessed that Lena was still in the room, watching them. Her sister said, “If I can say anything, that woman really loves you. I might not be her biggest fan but I know how much she means to you. Please be happy.” _

 

_ They finally said their peace of mind and when Eliza hugged Alex, Kara realized she needed to do something too. Her sister waited for her. _

 

_ She settled with a handshake. Kara still couldn’t find herself being the same around Alex just yet. But she wanted to give a peacemaker, something that showed Alex that she was ready to be mature. _

 

_ They didn’t say anything during the handshake and even after that. That was it, a simple farewell but meant much more than that. _

 

_ It was a start. _

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


“Sounds like everything is fine,” Lena commented, her hand placed on Kara’s shoulder, gently caressing her right cheek, “I’m glad.”

 

“Just promise me that we wouldn’t keep things from the other again,” Kara said, glancing at the brunette, “no matter how ugly the truth is.”

 

Lena laughed. “Are you sure? Some truths maybe too much for you to handle.”

 

“Like what?” she rolled her eyes, “Nothing can scare me.”

 

“Like my chocolate fondant is  _ way _ better than yours.”

 

Kara gasped at the outrageous offense. “Excuse me? That is not true.”

 

“That wasn’t what Siobhan said.”

 

“She’s messing with you. You totally know how she is.”

 

“Others in your kitchen said the same, Kara. Deal with it, my fondant is just the superior.” Lena laughed triumphantly, “I can always show you how to do it properly, sweetie.”

 

Kara huffed, pouting. Lena’s cooking was definitely good, but she was proud of her fondant and they should settle this in a bake-off. Or better yet, naked bake-off.

 

Grinning with the image, she joyfully replied, “Oh show me anytime, I’m always ready. Alright, I told you about me and Alex. What about you and your mother? What did you guys say?”

 

“Um, let’s just say we’re on better terms now.” Lena sounded genuinely happy, which was rare whenever they talked about her family.

 

“That’s great!”

 

“She also wants to meet you.”

 

Kara nearly drove the car off the lane. She hurriedly regained her composure and focused more on the road, while asking, “S-she does?”

 

Lena hummed in agreement, “Yeah. She said she would be at Jack’s party next month.”

 

Kara quickly put the turn signal on and pulled the car over. Her girlfriend was surprised by her action and was staring at her like she grew another head. “Hold up, the garden party? The one where I’m supposed to meet Jack and his family for the first time?”

 

“Yes…, so?” Lena arched an eyebrow, seemingly clueless before Kara’s internal freaking out.

 

“And now your mother is going to be there too?” she took a deep breath and felt like she couldn’t exhale, “Holy shit.”

 

“Wait, you’re not-” Lena leaned over to keep the eye contact, “-scared, are you?”

 

Kara laughed dryly, “I’m going to meet the man whose wife I’m having sex with and now my girlfriend’s mother.” She dramatically shook her head. “Nope, totally not scared.”

 

Lena rolled her eyes hard. “ _ Ex- _ wife, geez. Didn’t you say you would leave all of that behind?”

 

“I do, but does Jack?” she crossed her arms, “he could set a trap for me there and have me sent to a stranded island.”

 

“Now, now, easy there…” Lena gripped her forearm, gently led her to look at the brunette, “Jack knows who you are and he invited you to the party, which means he has no hard feelings. And my mother isn’t that scary.”

 

Kara sighed, “But she’s your  _ mom _ . I need to impress her. I have to.”

 

A smirk stretched on Lena’s full lips. “You want her to like you, don’t you?”

 

“Duh,” she said obviously, “she has the right to know that I can make you happy.”

 

Lena’s cheeks flushed slightly, she seemed thrilled. The image made the worries in Kara’s stomach temporarily disappeared. “She’ll like you. And Jack will be cool. You have me there, love.”

 

Kara tilted her head, kissing Lena with a smile on her lips. “Okay, just don’t leave me there alone with either of them.”

 

“You’re so dramatic,” Lena giggled and smacked her shoulder, “I just spent nearly a day with your family, and your sister hates me. Your task is going to be a piece of cake.”

 

Kara wondered if Lena could predict the future.

  
  
  
  


_________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


_ You’re not nervous. _

 

_ Everything will be fine. _

 

_ Jack is cool. _

 

_ Lillian is cool. _

 

Kara had been telling herself those reassuring phrases for the past ten minutes since Lena left her side to go into the bathroom. She wanted to come along but then it would look like she was afraid, and she had promised Lena to be tough today.

 

It was just a garden party, nothing serious.

 

A waitor approached her, “Hello, Miss, do you want a-”

 

“Yes,” Kara quickly snatched a pick from the plate he was carrying, “thank you.” He left after sending her an odd look. She must look like a mess.

 

“If I’m not mistaking, you are Kara, aren’t you?” she heard from behind and slowly turned around as if someone was pointing a gun at her back. A tall and pale woman with a strict smirk on her face was smling at her. The dark green blue eyes gazed deeply into her soul, capturing every thought she was having in mind. This kind of aura was intimidating.

 

There was only one name came to her brain.

 

“H-hi, are you Mrs. Luthor?” she tried to keep her voice calm even though her guts were shaking.

 

“Yes.” Lillian Luthor’s eyes cast up and down Kara as if she was seeing if there was any flaw on her that would make her less than enough for Lena. Kara was glad she had spent a lot on this dress, it would make her look less out of place with people in this dazzling party. “Where is Lena?”

 

“She’s in the bathroom. Do you want me to get her?” Kara needed to escape but Lillian didn’t let her.

 

“Oh, no. I’d love to chat with you.” She gracefully picked up a glass of wine from a tray that was passing by, bringing it up her lips, taking a quick sip. “The woman who stole my daughter’s heart.”

 

Kara gulped hard.

  
  
  
  


______________________________

  
  
  
  
  


Lena rubbed her hands together when she stepped out of the bathroom, looking around to find Kara. The poor blonde looked miserable when she told her she had to leave her side but Lena thought she was just being too nervous for her own good.

 

It didn’t take her long to spot Kara and Lillian in the crowd, thanked to their impressive heights. As she walked to them, she noticed how nervous Kara looked, yet she still kept a calm face on. She was proud of her younger lover for that.

 

Jack came into the conversation and Lena paused her steps to observe. Her ex-husband seemed to think about something very seriously, he had a deep frown on when he approached the other two women. They all had a short talk before Lena decided to join them.

 

“Mother, Jack, I see you two have found Kara,” she said, announcing her presence.

 

“Ah, Lena,” her mother didn’t sound surprised, “she is such a fascinating individual, I’m thrilled to spend more time with her, but now I actually have to go.” Lillian raised her phone, wiggling it in her fingers, “unexpected meeting with a client.”

 

“But you just came, Mrs. Luthor,” Jack wondered, obviously distressed that his ex-mother-in-law had to go so soon.

 

“We have plenty of opportunities to chat, Jack.” She smirked and turned to Kara, “Pleasure to meet you.”

 

“Me too, Mrs. Luthor,” Kara spoke like a machine.

 

“Call me Lillian.” She walked past Lena, “See you later, sweetie.”

 

Lena looked from Kara to Jack, “Okay…”

 

“I’ll go get something to eat,” Jack quickly spoke and disappeared into the crowd before Lena had the chance to say anything.

 

“What was that?” she asked her girlfriend, who was gulping a whole glass of wine like she was chugging water, “Woah, careful.”

 

Kara let out a sigh, placing the glass down on the table next to them. “He didn’t know.”

 

“Who? Jack? Didn’t know what?” Lena frowned.

 

“That it was me,” Kara said with terror in her eyes.

 

“What are you talking about? Of course, he knows about you.”

 

Kara stood closer to Lena, lowering her voice to a whisper, “He knows of me, not who I actually am. He thought it was James who…, you know, not me.”

 

Lena looked up, trying to search in her memory. “James? Who is James?”

 

“My friend who worked in the garden with me.”

 

She gasped, “What? Him? Jack thought me and him- oh gosh. What did he say?”

 

“Something about gaydar,” Kara shrugged worriedly, “he seemed shocked. And your mother enjoyed that, I think.”

 

Lena hadn’t expected that. Coming out to your mother was one thing, but accidentally coming out to your ex-husband with whom you had spent over a decade in a marriage was… weird. She hoped that he wouldn’t be bothered too much since they both had their own life and happiness.

 

Late that night, she received a text from Jack.

  
  
  
  


_ From: Jack Spheer _

 

  * __21:32 p.m__



 

  
  


_ ‘Is there anything else I need to know? Haha. _

_ But seriously, Lena, is there anything else? I was quite surprised that Bianca’s statement when she first met you turned out to be true. How did I miss the signs all those years? Anyway, sorry for taking off so soon. Kara seems nice and I hope I’d get another chance to actually have a real conversation with her. _

_ Okay, have a nice weekend and please tell Kara not to freak out. I believe she thought I was going to punch her or something. _

_ P/s: Bianca is laughing at me right now.’ _

  
  
  
  


She chuckled, then she sensed the movement right above her. Kara’s head popped out from under the blanket, her breath fanned over Lena’s breasts. “What’s so funny?” she asked.

 

Lena put the phone away. “Nothing,” she said and sealed Kara’s lips with a kiss, “I love you.”

 

The blonde smirked devilishly and returned back to their night time business between the sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to say something: I got the inspiration from Desperate Housewives, therefore many scenes were from the series such as Lena seducing Jack (Bree seducing her husband). I try to keep a level-headed with this theme because it's a sensitive matter.
> 
> But this story is personal, too. If it makes anyone uncomfortable or annoyed, please do forgive me for writing this down.
> 
> That to say, I'm glad to finish this story eventually, tying all loose knots and wishing you all a great day.
> 
> See you in my other works! I hope this ending is satisfying enough.
> 
> P/s: I won't add any more chapter. This is the final one.

**Author's Note:**

> Any thoughts?


End file.
